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Welcome
Linda Diaz-Murphy
Full Circle Mediation
& Counseling Center
Who Am I * Safe Place * The Healing Journey
Linda Diaz-Murphy, LPC, RPT, CTTS, TF-CBT, CST, LCADC
I offer brief therapy.
I have my own thriving counseling practice.
I offer effective outpatient, individualized, psychological care.
I treat a number of mental health issues and provide
an open and traditional perspective for children, teens, and adults.
I provide individual, family, and couples therapy.
Couples must have at least 2 years of individual counseling before starting couples counseling so each party can have a voice in the process.
What is THERAPY?
Therapy is about finding and trusting your own voice. Therapy is democratic. Therapy is liberating. Therapy is free speech.
Therapy helps you discover your authentic self. Therapy is caring and an act of self love and love for others. Therapy is educational.
I will provide a safe place to dialogue so you may return to or create a simple living lifestyle by reducing what creates an overwhelming existence. You will make plans for a life of more freedom and less chaos.
The focus of therapy is finding simple solutions, having hope and living an authentic life. My first belief as a therapist is,
"I can trust you to know what you need". My first question is, "What do you hope for in your present life?"
Therapy is about healing from loss and/or trauma. Therapy is about reducing what overwhelms you.
You may visit the past, to experience and live in the present and hope and plan for the future.
Therapy allows us "...the freedom to experience spontaneous feelings.” -
Alice Miller, The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self
I offer counseling to all clients including conservative clients of all faiths, sexual orientation,
age, race, ethnicity, sex and especially those who can't afford therapy.
I am registered with the National Directory for Conservative Professionals and promote respect and dignity for all people.
I am a NJ Licensed Professional Counselor
and a NJ Registered Play Therapist.
I am a Certified Cognitive Behavioral -Trauma Focused Play Therapist.
I am a Certified Trauma Counselor.
I am a Certified Sandplay Therapist.
I specialize in psychological abuse recovery.
And provide Activist Burnout Counseling and Identity Exploration Counseling
I received my BA Degree in Philosophy with an emphasis on Reproductive Technology and Peace and Justice from
St. Peters Jesuit College in Jersey City and my MA Degree from New Jersey City University.
Unlike many therapists, I have engaged in my own therapy for more than 300 hours, to be a competent professional.
I am a culturally competent therapist and define Cultural Competency as a value of beneficence that reduces suffering and is compassionate, promotes respect, hope, equality, success, dignity, civility, love, forgiveness (a choice) and reconciliation (if safe), for ALL people including all races, all classes, all ethnicities, people of faith, age, genders, sex, parent, father, mother, lesbian, gay, bisexual, and adult transitioners.
Full Circle is when something "comes full circle"; it completes a cycle and returns to its beginnings.
"We can go from optimism to pessimism and back to optimism again in our lives."
Therapy is like this, too. It is also an “expression of the moment”.
LOOK FOR THE ❤ FOR SUGGESTED RESOURCES
I provide resources on my website to reach people of many backgrounds,
beliefs and values that reflect non-violence, decency, dignity, love, fairness, compassion and living an authentic and simple life.
Look Out For My videos on Youtube, Play Therapy Activities For Professionals, Children and Families by Linda Diaz-Murphy.
Mental health depends on many things, including academic success. To help achieve mental health, I provide educational videos teaching children to read. There is no excuse for illiteracy. I taught first grade and fourth grade and ALL the children were reading on or above grade level. If a child isn't reading, it is, for the most part, educational neglect and psychological abuse. Most children between the ages of 5-10 years old can read on a sixth grade level in less than one year, if instructed properly.
I will be adding more videos on Youtube in the coming months for parents, children, teens and professionals.
My professional experience includes providing trauma and/or grief counseling to children and their families who were forcefully separated/kidnapped at the American Borders and have since been reunited and may suffer traumatic stress related symptoms and trauma bonding/Stockholm Syndrome.
Each immigration story, past and present, is a testament to the human spirit!
I have visited Puerto Rico, where my family is from and shared my book,
The Wounded Yellow Butterfly and La Mariposa Amarilla Herida,
with the children affected by Hurricane Maria. I provided grief counseling to children harmed by Hurricane Maria. Sadly, the hurricane
killed about 90 people,
wiped out the rain forest, and damaged homes and property.
Puerto Ricans are resilient, surviving many storms over hundreds of years.
I have donated copies of my books,The Wounded Yellow Butterfly, & La Mariposa Amarilla Herida
to victims of natural disasters in Puerto Rico, North Carolina, Texas, South Carolina, and New Jersey.
I have donated books to families of police officers killed in the line of duty and children who lost a family member due to community violence.
I have been married for over 45 years to Brian, a retired police officer, my wonderful and loving husband. I am a mother and grandmother. I was inspired to write The Wounded Yellow Butterfly by a real wounded yellow butterfly flying in my garden, the children and families who have allowed me to come along on their healing journeys and my family who emigrated to the USA from Fascist Spain and Communist Cuba seeking political freedom, financial freedom, religious freedom and above all safety. The Fascists and Communists in Spain and Cuba equally tortured, raped, committed robbery, committed child abuse, sex crimes and murder during the revolutions.
NO ONE WAS SAFE!
MY PRAYERS ARE FOR THE ISRAELI PEOPLE
and others who are subjected to horrible indignities and violence around the world perpetrated by Hamas, IRA, ETA, KKK and other terrorist and hate groups around the world with destructive ideologies including Fascism, Nazism, Anarchism, and Communism and other armies promoting anti-democratic values.
Read: Anti-Semitism and It's Mental Health Effects by Lisa Mustard
Watch: The Therapy Show, by Lisa Mustard, " Empowering Therapists: A Training on Jewish Trauma and Anti Semitism Response"
Listen to "Transforming Suffering" by Thich Nhat Hanh and BECOMING A BODHISATTVA by Thich Nhat Hanh
Let me share with you my personal daily affirmation below:
I think, speak and act lovingly, quietly, and peacefully. I now radiate love, peace and kindness to all I meet who may or may not wish me well. I anchor my thoughts on peace, harmony and good will to all. Whenever I am about to react negatively, I say firmly to myself, I am going to think, feel, speak, and act from the standpoint of the principles of harmony, health, and peace within myself. Creative intelligence leads, rules and guides me in all my ways. There is no one to change but myself.
I wish PEACE for ALL, Linda
Safe Place: The Waiting Room
The focus of therapy is to help children, teens and adults become aware of their inner strengths to help each individual grow from their struggles, heal from their pain, and move forward to where individuals want to be in their lives. To achieve this, each person is provided a neutral, safe space from the start in the safe space waiting room where trust can develop and healing can begin.
Your Healing Journey
I will be there for you every step of your healing journey. Your journey may include feeling safe again, identifying and expressing your feelings, sharing your strengths and learning new coping skills, telling your personal story, and making closer connections with others.
Virtual counseling services available
I know how important it is to offer office, virtual, texting, and phone counseling. I offer choices.
Therapy for Children, Teens, Adults and Families
Sand Play Therapy
Depression, fear, and anxiety are some of the most common and uncomfortable emotions that children, teens and adults may experience at some point in their lives. Through sand play therapy, children, teens and adults may recover motivation, perspective, and joy that they once had in their lives.
Trauma Focused:Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Many children and teens can experience symptoms associated with painful and traumatic circumstances. Anxiety, fear, and hopelessness are a few emotions that can linger after traumatic events. Children and teens can overcome these symptoms and helped with caring guidance through the process of grief and healing.
Family and Couples Counseling
Family counseling can be beneficial to all members in the
family looking to strengthen their emotional connections.
Therapy sessions are held with family members in a supportive environment
to discuss issues and solutions to better relate to one another.
If your child is refusing to eat, refusing to go to the bathroom and exhibiting avoidance and/or defiance, counseling may help create a more balanced family lifestyle.
Couples Counseling helps to understand the process of grief, forgiveness ( a choice)and reconciliation (optional) after a betrayal.
The elements of reconciliation includes a sincere
examination of conscience, honesty, and reparations.
To understand the choices that can build or destroy loving relationships,
read "Boundaries in Marriage" by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend.
The Mend Project - Helping Victims Of Abuse
The Mend Projecthttps://www.themendproject.com
The Mend Project helps couples, as well as counselors & therapists who help them. Providing healing and support for
all those touched by undue conflict. Reach out to begin healing.
Grief is what a person experiences after a loss or trauma.
Loss, Trauma, Grief and Healing Defined
LOSS is a response to being unable to access someone you love.
TRAUMA is a reaction to a life threatening or overwhelming experience.
GRIEF is what a person experiences after a loss or traumatic event.
HEALING is transcending suffering, reconciling pain as a consequence of grief from a trauma and/or loss. Sufferers are tested spiritually and must see suffering as an opportunity to affirm one's spiritual values.
One has choices to heal and to reduce personal suffering.
" ...suffering is a kind of mud to help the lotus flower of happiness grow. There can be no lotus flower without the mud."
(Thich Nhat Hanh, No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Suffering)
Symptoms
Initially children, teens and adults may feel shock or shattered. It may seem unreal. After a tragic event or loss, children, teens and adults may have trouble functioning at home, work and/or school. We may feel and/or experience fear, anxiety, or depression. We may have an inability to form or keep relationships, withdrawing from others. We may experience terrifying memories, nightmares and/or flashbacks, and may avoid things or triggers that remind us of the traumatic event. We may also regress and act out uncharacteristically. We may experience physical problems including fatigue, being startled easily, poor concentrating, racing heartbeat,
edginess and agitation, aches and pains,
muscle tension, nausea, and headaches.
A loss or traumatic event may cause a feeling of hopelessness o meaninglessness of life. We may ask, "Why did this happen to me?".
We all need consistency in our lives. We want to feel in control and make sense of our lives and the world around us.
When something tragic happens we want to know “Why?”.
Healing may take weeks, months and even years.
Each person is different and his or her healing time should be respected.
Therapy Helps to Rebuild Lives and Promote Healing
"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces,
I would still plant my apple tree."- Martin Luther
Counseling helps you feel safe again so you can heal, to express and cope with feelings, to tell your personal stories and reconnect with others.
You may experience grief due to a trauma and/or the loss of a spouse, loss of a controlled and balanced lifestyle, a betrayal, divorce, human or natural disaster, environmental contamination, genocide, holocaust, civil war,
war, rioting, bullying, loss of your home due to a disaster, rape, abortion,
discrimination, racism, assault, kidnapping, human trafficking, anti semitism, a child kidnapped by Nicaraguan Communists terrorists,
an unaccompanied child, and other traumatic experiences.
It has been my experience and those of the men, women, and children who have or are healing from loss and/or trauma
to report the following stages and symptoms of grief:
Stage 1 (possible symptoms)
- Shock, shattered, denial, fear, not feeling safe, and confusion.
Stage 2 (possible symptoms)
- Sorrow
- Anger
- Hopelessness
- Rage
- Anxiety
- Guilt
- Shame
- Feeling disconnected
- Self-blame
- Mood swings
- Confusion
- Poor concentration
- dissociation
- fantasy
- and other defense mechanism
- can't eat
- can't sleep
- defiance, aggression and other negative behaviors
Stage 3 associated symptoms
•Struggling to make sense of the traumatic event and/or uncontrolled lifestyle.
Stage 4 associated symptoms
- Memories of trauma event
- Sweating, pounding heart
- Avoiding people, places and things that remind you of traumatic event
- Panic attacks
- Losing interest in life and activities you once liked
- Don't feel normal
- Physical pain and/or disability
Somatic Symptoms
To help understand somatic symptoms please read,"
THE BODY NEVER LIES", by Alice Miller,
a world-renowned psychoanalyst who was one of the very first to examine the long-ranged consequences of childhood abuse on the body.
She wrote how physical and psychological abuse or
traumatic loss manifests in adult illnesses. It is my opinion
Alice Miller's book title, "THE BODY NEVER LIES", has been plagiarized by prominent trauma "experts", along with her findings on child abuse and effects found in her numerous books on child abuse.
5th Stage
Recovery
- Acceptance
- Better coping
- Finding courage
- Forgiveness if one chooses
- Acknowledgement of the loss, feeling empathy for others and self
- Feeling a sense of Hope
- Rebuilding
- Resilience, feeling courageous
- Having a different point of view about the loss
- Remembrance of the past
- Acceptance, a return to living again in the present with uncertainty and a sense of safety
- Connecting with others
- Looking to the future
- Living a democratic life
- Finding joy
- feeling normal again
- Loving and being loved in return
- Reconciliation if safe to do so
- Healing
- Healthier defense mechanisms
Stage 6
REAL HOPE
The Wounded Yellow Butterfly is a perfect story book for children to help understand the process of grief, come to terms with loss and heal.
This is a story that will take children on a healing journey
after a difficult experience such as a divorce, loss of a parent, loss of a pet.
A child might also experience a traumatic event such as the pandemic,
tornado, flood, and house fire.
There are several points of view on the grieving process
and the number of stages of grief.
It is believed by most people that there are 6 stages of grief.
The first 5 grief stages were introduced to us by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
The 6th stage, "Hope" is offered to us by Kenneth Doka. David Kessler believes that one finds "meaning and purpose" in the 6th stage.
In Viktor Frankl's book Man's Search for Meaning, Frankl describes his experience in a Nazi concentration camp and his discovery of "purpose and meaning" in life and hope for a future despite the horrors of the Holocaust.
Grieving after Narcissistic Abuse
After Narcissistic Abuse, EDUCATION is is one of the stages
in the healing process from psychological traumatic loss.
Education is part of the healing process.
Life Issues
PARENTHOOD: "YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE!"
REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES (photo by "feminists for life org")
PARENTHOOD: "YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE!"
Counseling will help define your parental role, find comfort, support & confidence with the choices you make.
Choosing Motherhood or Fatherhood over a career is empowering for the whole family.
Being a mother or father is a 24/7 responsibility, 100% undivided
attention to the task of parenting.
Some positive consequences of staying home and having a minimalist mindset may include alleviating work and financial stress, improved mental health, strong family bonding,
and balance.
Raising a family below one's means or within one's means may be the best choice. You may want to go back to school while raising a family and help the family prepare for the future. Financial aid/free college or trade school is available for those
with a modest income.
❤
For more on finances, read Dave Ramsey, "budget percentages explained (2021 edition),"
May 30, 2021 and other
valuable budgeting information.
❤
Read Dr. Cloud's book on "Raising Great Kids"
and other books on "children and boundaries".
Check out Homeschooling resources.
If you are fortunate enough to live in a politically free and wealthy country such as the USA, then you have choices
and infinite opportunities.
As you make family choices such as homeschooling, going to work and having a career, being a stay at home mother and/or father, it is helpful to think that in life,
"YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL,
BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE!"
I propose supplemental government funds for the non working parent who chooses to stay at home to care for an infant to 4 years old, rather than sending their infant or child to a daycare. "Family Leave" is too short a period. The first four years are the most important years of a child's mental health development and a parent should have the choice to stay home.
IDENTITY
REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES (photo by "feminists for life org")
PARENTHOOD: "YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE!"
Identity exploration counseling can help you understand yourself better and establish a stronger integrated self. If you are asking,
"Who am I?", let's talk about it.
We all have a core identity to be
discovered. A core identity is the essence of who you are, the values that lay deep inside you and include your
ability to love and be loved.
Identity more broadly defined includes memories, experiences, relationships and values that creates one's sense of self. The amalgamation creates a steady sense of who one is over time, even as new facets are developed and incorporated into one's identity (Psychology Today, Identity Self-Image, Self Concept).
According to Erik Erikson, "Identity formation is most acute during adolescence, but the process doesn't stop after the teen years". Erikson, a child psychologist, proposed the theory of development based on the "different stages of life" and coined the term, "identity crisis." Erikson won a Pulitzer Prize of "Gandhi's Truth" (1969), a biography on the later phases of Gandhi's identity development.
Social identity refers to race, ethnicity, gender, sex, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, age, religion/religious beliefs, national origin, and emotional, developmental disabilities and abilities and other life issue which may lead to anxiety and insecurity, and may occur due to a big change in life, historical trauma, isolation, depression and other mental health issues, alienation, age of development, or other stressors in life.
It is offensive to point out a person's social identity or distinguishing character traits including race, ethnicity, gender, sex, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, age, religion/religious beliefs, national origin, and emotional, developmental disabilities and abilities. If a someone wishes to discuss any one of their distinguishing
characteristics or social identity,
they will start the conversation.
Social Identity more specifically
Gender Identity, is an important
part of who we are.
I Want To Be Just Like My Daddy by Linda Diaz, is a charming
story about a little girl who is a "tomboy",
who shaves and cuts her hair short like her daddy. This beautiful book
explores gender expression
and gender identity, the parent and child relationship, protection and respect for a child's development, and giving a child time to discover who they are without any Transmedical Surgeries and other medical interference that may affect negatively a child's and adolescent's sexual, spiritual, physical, emotional and psychological developments.
My book I Want To Be Just Like My Daddy is a respectful way to support gender identity development.
10 % of the proceeds will be used to buy my book for another child and family.
ENGLISH COPY of I Want To Be Just Like My Daddy TO PURCHASE
<iframe width="450" height="335" src="https://www.bookemon.com/book-embed/982125/want-to-be-just-like-my-daddy" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
SPANISH COPY of Quero Ser Como Mi Papa TO PURCHASE
<iframe width="450" height="335" src="https://www.bookemon.com/book-embed/977053/quiero-ser-como-mi-pap%C3%A1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
For Legal Information when providing transgender treatment or
seeking treatment for yourself,
see below resources.
https://www.camft.org/Resources/Legal-Articles/Chronological-Article-List/affirming-care
❤ For parental support and articles and resources on racism, discrimination, legal issues on "gender-affirming" medical treatment for minors and other issues, contact the Foundation Against Intolerance and Racism, (FAIR).org, the Montclair NJ Chapter
❤We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves."
-The Adult Children of Alcoholics Promises Book.
❤ Self Awareness: Understanding Your Core Identity. Who Are you at the Core? - Written By Wacuka Stephen
❤ For more information, watch The House Judiciary Subcommittee Hearing on Transmedical Surgeries for Kids and House Judiciary Subcommittee Hearing on Gender Affirming Care Policy, July 27, 2023 and July 19, 2023
❤Gender Ideology and Medical Experiment on Our Children, Miriam Grossman
❤ support homeless youth and homeless transgender youth by supporting Covenant House.
❤ learn more about homeless LGB and T youth read 'Pose" Stars Make Poignant Plea on Behalf of Homeless LGB and T youth. Please consider donating at
TRUE COLORS UNITED.
All children and teens need to feel safe and to be protected from undue harm. It is not at all allowed for children and teens to be exposed to nudity. Inappropriate sexual exposure against a minor child is illegal. A sex crime against a child under the age of 18 includes acts of "indecent exposure" : exposing children to nudity and/or sexual acts in person and/or virtually/film and photos. You may file charges at the local police department against an individual, a doctor, a school teacher, a parent, a police officer, school principal, the city and others that allows lewdness in parades and against any clothing store or other company that puts up window displays, posters and billboards on the highway . If you see posters, billboards, parades, store displays and community events, park events, etc in which you witness indecent exposure or lewdness, child sexual exploitation and/or abuse, DOCUMENT IT AND FILE A REPORT WITH THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY.
REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES (photo by "feminists for life org")
REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES (photo by "feminists for life org")
REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES (photo by "feminists for life org")
Counseling helps you make reproductive choices including having children if you are in college,
living on your own, and are of a modest income.
Counseling EMPOWERS women and men to make choices regarding abortion.
FORCED ABORTION is against the law! No one can drive an adult against their will to an abortion clinic. I treated children and teens who disclosed to me that their parents and/or rapists took them for abortions, hiding rape and incest. Disclosures of abortion, rape and incest made by minors must be reported to the police immediately!
It is highly suggested that you seek the care of a doctor when using birth control and the use of the "abortion pill" since these are medications with side effects and my cause reproductive issues and medical emergencies. It is against the law to force reproductive technologies on minors and are reportable crimes.
Counseling provides a safe place to share the loss of a pregnancy or infant and to gain a
better understanding of the normal grieving and healing process.
Counseling provides both men and women a safe place for sharing your loss after an abortion and to gain a better understanding of the normal grieving and healing process.
Up to 10 free pre and/or post pregnancy loss/abortion trauma counseling sessions are being
offered to those without
insurance or other means to pay.
Counseling is available for men and women who are having difficulty with a pregnancy, to explore reproductive choices, including type of birth control, length
of use and other considerations.
WARNING: DEPO-PROVERA has been for over 25 years considered dangerous after illegal testing on minor Puerto Rican girls who may have suffered irreversible reproductive injuries, other medical illnesses and/or died.
It is highly recommended testing for carcinogens before breast feeding, since it is believed that toxins can imbed in fatty tissues of the breasts and may
be passed on through breast feeding.
Feministforlife.org
http://www.helpingsurvivors.org/
Please contact Linda for counseling, assistance and/or referral to a
Pregnancy Center near you.
A Pregnancy Center will assist you in most or all of your needs during your pregnancy and
post birth of your baby (i.e., education, a car, basic needs including shelter), if you should choose to not abort your unborn child.
Reproductive technologies are available but one must consider the mental health affects and medical consequences before use. Difficulty choosing Motherhood or not is also a mental health issue especially when you struggle with making a decision and/or experience a poor adjustment after birth. Counseling is available to address these sensitive issues.
EMPOWERMENT AND ACTIVIST BURNOUT
EMPOWERMENT AND ACTIVIST BURNOUT
REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES (photo by "feminists for life org")
Counseling is beneficial to everyone seeking to empower themselves and strengthen their commitment in facing injustices i.e., segregation, parent and child separated at the American Border, hate against White and Black people, hate against Jewish people, racism, sexism, discrimination, domestic violence, gang rape, sexual harassment, told to perform sex to keep your job or to advance in your career (Leave as fast as you can!), hate crimes, violence against you for your political affiliation, accusations of sexual assault w/out due process, forced abortion, etc. You may need to explore enabling behavior and find the courage to correct injustices, not
looking the other way, not ignoring,
not tolerating, enabling or excusing them.
Activist burnout or depression is the result of dysfunctional irrational thinking (see irrational thinking resource below) and may manifest in behaviors including but not limited to feeling hatred toward others, lack of compassion for others, loss of integrity and perspective on decency, neglecting yourself while putting "The Cause" first, using violence i.e., community violence, rioting, school violence, and other destructive behaviour against others including the people you claim to defend. You may act out by self harming, criminal behavior i.e., predatory behaviors toward the vulnerable, rape, arson, stealing, using weapons, and lying. Activist depression manifest in other ways i.e., losing your job, aggression toward friends and family, isolation, changing your goals, separating from family and friends, feeling alienated from society, blaming failure to reach your potential to a outside entity, having a sense of entitlement, and feel a sense of hopelessness, not seeing your community's and society's achievements, undue criticism of wealth and the achievement of others (envy), focusing only on the negative and more.
Anyone can be a perpetrator of abuse, violence, sexual abuse, rape, trafficking, and other crimes and abuses. Women commit at least 50% of all the abuses and crimes, but are rarely held accountable due to the bias that women by nature are incapable of violence. We need to change our stereotypical view of the perpetrators of abuse and violence especially domestic violence and seriously consider that women are violent predators and choose to abuse children, other women and men. Report all crimes and
abuses regardless of the perpetrator's identity and make a difference.
Remember that anyone can be victimized. If you were targeted by others in the street, in your family, at work, in church, in your community by those who want to hurt you and get you to react violently and/or to get you in trouble with the law, to suffer the loss of your reputation, suffer loss of income, loss of a job, to be arrested, and other traumatic interferences in your life, you
were set up to react to make the
real abuser look good and the "victim".
Learn more about your normal reaction when provoked and how
to avoid being further abused.
WALK AWAY or RUN AWAY AND CALL THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY!
Do not react violently. This is not self defense. Self defense is the use of force to protect yourself, family or other person from BODILY HARM AND/OR DEATH from an attack of aggression, if the defender (YOU) has reason to believe anyone is in danger. Learn more about your state's "self defense" laws before acting.
Victims of crimes are strongly advised to seek medical, psychological, legal and spiritual support as well as filing a police report. Filing a police report may save your life and someone else's life, save a child from being sex trafficked, may prevent another woman or man from being raped, may protect your community and your family, neighbors and friends from undue violence and more.
If you do not leave a dangerous and abusive situation, you may be thinking it is your fault and to blame, others won't believe you, you will lose everything you worked for, and your family or community will turn against you. You are never to blame and there are people who care and many more opportunities for you. The abuser wants you to think that you will suffer more if you tell. If this is the case, you may be suffering with chronic guilt and/or Stockholm Syndrome.
Counseling can provide you and your loved ones a safe place to explore what being safe is, who are the safe and unsafe people, and how to keep yourself and others you love safe.
Be the change in a small way. Be realistic. WE are not great enough to change the world like Mahatma Gandhi, Jesus, Mother Teresa, Pope John XXIII, and others equal to their astonishing gifts to see injustice clearly and make a lasting change for the betterment of many with compassion for all.
Read and study the following to increase understanding of activism depression.
-10 cognitive distortions that cause negative thinking at www.Very Well Mind.com
-Left or Liberal? 5 Minute Video by PragerU
-Dr. Drew on Narcissism, Cancel Culture, and Mob Destruction, Dad Saves America
-Dirty Secrets: Hidden Truth of Family Mobbing and Scapegoating by Rebecca C Mandeville LMFY CCTP
-What's the difference between socialism, fascism, and communism by PragerU
SPIRITUALITY
EMPOWERMENT AND ACTIVIST BURNOUT
LIFE'S PURPOSE
Counseling helps you explore your spirituality and make informed decisions to join a healthy spirituality training and/or group that teaches meditation, mindfulness, and relaxation and encourages peace, calm, respect for diversity, free thought, free speech, free choice, unity, love, respect for all people, acceptance, forgiveness and reconciliation when safe to do so.
Read about Jesus, Mother Teresa, Dr. Martin Luther King, Thich Nhat Hanh, John XXIII, Mahatma Gandhi, and other spiritual leaders to learn about love, forgiveness, courage, integrity, empowerment, humbleness and spirituality!
Spirituality is about self acceptance and love for others, believing in God or a higher power, having your own personality, your own thoughts and feelings, about compassion, love, forgiveness and accountability.
"SPIRITUAL ABUSE: SIGNS AND IS SEPARATING OKAY FOR HEALING?"
To learn more Listen to youtube video by Lisa A. Romano
Embracing the Validity of Our Thoughts and Feelings
Watch How Narcissists Spread Spiritual Disease, The Royal We
Counseling can provide you and your loved ones a safe place to explore what being safe is, who are the safe and unsafe people, and how to keep yourself and others you love safe.
❤
To learn more Listen to youtube video
What is a Cult and How Does it Work? (Margaret Singer) International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA) Youtube published 10/12/2014
❤
I highly recommend attending How to integrate Spirituality and Psychotherapy in Clinical Practice, sponsored by CE-Go and presented by Donald Meichenbaum, PhD., to promote love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible.
Learn about loving behavior and listen to "Reconciliation" by Thich Nhat Hanh, 2022 Audio Buddha; also listen to "Transforming Suffering" by Thich Nhat Hanh
To promote love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible, read Forgiveness and Collective Guilt Assignment to Historical Perpetrator Groups Depend on Level of Social Category Inclusiveness by Michael Wohl & Nyla Branscombe
LIFE'S PURPOSE
EMPOWERMENT AND ACTIVIST BURNOUT
LIFE'S PURPOSE
Counseling can help you find clarity and purpose in life. What is your purpose in Life? Four of my mother's first cousins grew up in Puerto Rico in a wooden shack with no electricity or running water in the 1930's and 40's as did many other young people around the world.
Gratefully, there was an explosion of jobs and many opportunities and most people experienced financial success and upward mobility in the 50', 60's and 70's. My great uncle Bado their father cut sugar cane and milked cows on their Finca until his death. My Great Tia Carmen was a Taino from Puerto Rico who was a hard working stay at home mother who believed in counseling. She once told me she went into counseling to understand her historical trauma and to find closure for the loss of her parents who died when very young as did my Great uncle's mother who died at the age of 27 and after giving birth to her 6th child.
I believe she and the women in my life may be the reason I am a trauma therapist and a grief counselor. Three of my Tia Carmen's children became
social workers and one became an owner of a Beauty Salon.
Tia Carmen planted "the seed of purpose" in each of us as did many if not all of my family members who suffered historical and other traumas. When Great Tia Carmen married my Great Uncle Bado, my grandmother's brother, they were in love. My great uncle was Spanish and French. My Spanish and French great, great, great, great grandparents settled in Puerto Rico
in the 1600's along with people from more than 50 other countries.
They were "poor" but loving and hopeful. What is poor? Who defines poverty? As long as you are safe and have your basic needs satisfied, and you are loved, you are not poor or living in poverty.
After hundreds of years, we are reaping the benefits of their hard work,
their suffering and their love, their hopefulness, and their sacrifices.
Be grateful for what our ancestors did for us.
Find your purpose to continue to help future generations reap the benefits.
The Puerto Rican identity is multifaceted. Puerto Ricans will identify as "White", "Black" and/or "Taino," and "biracial". The second wave of Immigrants arrived over 400 hundred years ago from Italy, Spain, Ireland, and other European countries without any resources and were given land to own and cultivate. Puerto Rican is a nationality. There are three predominant races in Puerto Rico and multiple ethnicities, mainly descendants from Europe. There is a Black Puerto Rican community and an indigenous, Taino community. There are couples with different backgrounds who intermarried and the children identify as biracial or tri-racial, bi-ethnicity, and more but always identify as Puerto Rican! Puerto Rican is not a race nor an ethnicity and does not show up in our DNA.
To Learn more about Puerto Rican Culture Watch Cultural videos mentioned below:
Baile Cultura Puerto Rico-Felix Jose
Bomba Eh Atencion Atencion Canciones infantiles
Puerto Rico is music (children dancing bomba)
Gíbaro de Puerto Rico-Karaskatiski-A Puro Folklore
Bomba Puertorriqueña para tu boda
Semana de la Puertorriqueñidad- Baile en Puerto Rico
History of Bomba PR Music of the Americas
2024 ELECTION RESULTS ARE IN!
REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR JENNIFER GONZALEZ-COLON ELECTED BY PUERTO RICAN VOTERS AND HAS BEEN OUR SENATOR FOR MANY YEARS!
WE ARE SO PROUD AND LOOKING FORWARD TO BEING THE 51ST STATE OF THE USA!
Puerto Rico ranks in the top 10 happiest places in the world!
Healthy identity development is an integration of all of you.
Embrace all of you!
FINANCIAL WELLNESS
FINANCIAL WELLNESS
FINANCIAL WELLNESS
FINANCIAL WELLNESS
In therapy, you can explore messages you received about money, and change those beliefs that keep you
from achieving financial wellness and safety.
Let me first share my personal Financial Affirmation below:
I like money. I love money. I use it wisely, constructively and judiciously. Money is constantly circulating in my life. I release it with joy and it returns to me multiplied in a wonderful way. It is good and very good. Money flows to me in avalanches of abundance. I use it for good only, and I am grateful for my abundance and for the riches of my mind, body and soul.
Counseling can help you create Financial wellness and safety.
Financial wellness means your basic needs are being met i.e., food, water, clothing, sleep, shelter/housing, psychological care and spiritual needs, medical care, and education/technical training, and employment opportunities. For those living without safety, social services must be free and made available, until a family can be self sufficient and financially safe. If you are with children, and in need of assistance, contact your local Welfare Department, local churches and shelters for immediate assistance for food, rent, medical and funds for other needs.
To achieve Financial Wellness you may consider doing the following:
Keeping a weekly budget
Monitoring Daily Spending
Starting an Emergency Fund
Living within your means or
below your means
Starting a savings account
Living debt free
Investing in Property
Believing you can experience financial wellness and act on it
Don't hate money
Don't hate rich people who inherited wealth or are self-made
Change your attitude about money
Understand and respect wealth
Explore the source of your beliefs about money, wealth, poverty,
Start a retirement plan
Respect Capitalism
Make donations/give back to those who are in need.
Plan mini vacations
and wellness experiences and live a life of simplicity.
Learning to be financially secure is necessary to achieve financial wellness.
❤
❤
FRUGAL LIVING, The Little Way with Ina Cecilia/Catholic inspo
❤
https://www.ramseysolutions.com
❤
Wanna Build Wealth? Avoid these money mistakes (feat. Naftali Horowitz) Kosher Money episode #2.
❤
Listen to 13 Smart Lessons From Your Favorite Jewish Grandma, Living Lchalm
❤
Keeper of the low income home-Homemaking ON A BUDGET, Mountain Mama's Home
The FIVE Themes of Trauma Focused Play Therapy
Understanding Therapy
Therapy helps you find hope, heal from the pain and loss and find balance in your life!
#1 Safety
Therapy can help you feel safe again.
#2 Coping
Therapy can help you cope with your loss and educate you on what happened to you and others you love so you don't condemn yourself and to make it unlikely to happen again and again.
# 3 Expressing Your Emotions and Feelings
Therapy can help you express your feelings.
#4 Connecting With Others
Therapy can help you feel closer to others.
#5 Telling Your Story
Therapy provides a safe place to tell your story.
Testimonials
School Failure & Bullying
School Failure & Bullying
School Failure & Bullying
Father and son said, "Attending therapy helped us feel as if we had built a kaleidoscope as the animals and insects in the story had done after the storm. We have picked up the pieces of broken glass, built our kaleidoscope and saw a new way to care for ourselves by attending another school which encouraged success (not failure), nonviolence (not violence and hatred) and respected my parental rights(not parental and family alienation) and helped us move on with our lives."
-Grady and Jamal
Sexual and Domestic Abuse
School Failure & Bullying
School Failure & Bullying
I realized in therapy, "I may be wounded like the wounded yellow butterfly, but I too can still fly even after the domestic and sexual abuse. I found that once I redefined the language that kept me stuck in the Self Blame/Guilt and Shame Cycle after abuse, I was able to heal and protect myself. I stopped believing I was 'guilty' for a crime I did not commit. I learned to redefine the term 'guilt' as a legal term reserved for the perpetrator of abuse or a crime and not about me at all. I began to understand trauma bonding/Stockholm Syndrome and Narcissistic abuse and how this affected me, made me defend and return to my abuser. I also learned to use a Venn Diagram to show when a problem is mine, when a problem belongs to someone else, and when a problem belongs to me and another person. After learning whose problem it is, I was able to defend and protect myself and my children by calling the police. I had been afraid my abuser would act out toward the police too and go to jail and it would be my fault, if my abuser got hurt or went to jail. In reality everyone is responsible for themselves and the consequences that follow." - Anya
Divorce
School Failure & Bullying
Loss of a Pet
"Therapy helped me find peace and love living in two homes just like the butterfly, the animals and insects rebuilt and found peace in their garden." -Rachel
Loss of a Pet
Adoption and Relinquishment Trauma
Loss of a Pet
"Losing my pet was like going through the terrible storm like in the story, The Wounded Yellow Butterfly. But I feel better today. Therapy helped me through the sad days and to remember the happy days just like the garden insects and animals remembered things in the past and look to the future." - Christina
Adoption and Relinquishment Trauma
Adoption and Relinquishment Trauma
Adoption and Relinquishment Trauma
"In therapy, I learned I am lovable and have value
even if both of my parents
neglected and abused me.
They refused to recover and heal.
I learned how to forgive.
I am with a new family now and it is a new day just like the new day in the peaceful garden where the the wounded yellow butterfly, the rainbow butterflies and bird family live. I got a second chance just like the wounded yellow butterfly." - Tommy
"In therapy, I learned that my grief stemmed in part from my adoption which I would characterize as painful. My name was changed and I was gradually alienated from my biological mother and family. My relationship with my biological mother was tampered with because I often said and never stopped saying, 'I love my mother and want to return to her'. I plan to return to my mother when I find her. I hope my story helps others who are like me and the animals and insects who were reunited and rebuilt their lives after the terrible storm". -Jada
"In counseling, I was able to verbalize my negative feelings about my adoption and my belief I could have remained with my mother, if only people would have supported my poor Guatemalan Indian mother rather than separating me from her because she was poor. Although good people could have helped her to be self sufficient over time, she was forced to give me up so I would not die of starvation in Guatemala. I found it extraordinarily cruel when my Guatemalan Indian name was changed and when my adoptive parents 'gave me permission' to see my biological mother because they thought they were doing my mother and me a favor. Today, I am with my biological parents and my family just like the animals and insects after that terrible storm. I have changed my name back to my
Guatemalan name." - Zyana
Listen to The Unacknowledged Grief and Adoption, The Ollie Foundation
Watch Supreme Court Favors Law That Keeps Native American Children..., ABC News
Watch Supreme Court Preserves Indian Child Welfare Act, 9News
Immigration
Adoption and Relinquishment Trauma
Adoption and Relinquishment Trauma
"In therapy I learned to feel safe again. My name is Manuel. I would like to share my story with you. I am from Honduras. I was pulled from my father arms at the Mexico/USA border in 2017. We had to leave my country because my family received violent threats from gang members who wouldn't allow my parents to travel to their jobs because they worked in other gang controlled towns. Once they came to my house and beat me and my brother. I suffered a brain injury. Sometimes I would see dead bodies on the ground as we walked to the store. The police were afraid, too. The police often did not help enough to keep us safe. Gang members kill judges, police officers and their families. Bad politician put the opposition party members in prison , ruin their reputations, and attack their family members to intimidate them to withdraw from the political race. Many of these politicians who are jailed are good people who wish to make our country better and democratic.
After I was taken from my father at the USA border and put in a van, I was taken to a stranger's house. I was unable to sleep and eat. I had nightmares of being pulled from my father's arms. I was away from my father for 2 months and had little to eat and a thin blanket to keep warm at night where I lived in a strange house with people who often yelled at me to 'stop crying'. After being with my foster parents, I began to believe they were my real father and mother. These strangers told me, "Your father is dead." I didn't know my father was in jail for 2 months for crossing the border with me. I was reunited with him after being separated for 2 months and we both spent a month in jail together. I did not recognize him & couldn't believe he was my real father. Once we were released from jail, I was shown pictures of my family, old toys and my old clothing, I learned about Stockholm Syndrome in counseling and how this made me believe things that weren't true. I slowly began to remember my father, my mother, my toys and clothing. I finally remembered my family and life before my kidnapping at the American border.
I was afraid of the police and would scream and cry and hide behind cars or run away from my father. I had trouble concentrating in school and was often sent home when I had crying spells and couldn't concentrate. Older boys followed me in the school yard and isolated and bullied me like boys did in the center where I stayed before going to my foster parent's home to live. I felt very afraid and sad most of the time.
I didn't know how to defend myself anymore.
Today, my family and me are happier and safer, but we will never forget what happened to us. We have forgiven everyone who hurt us. We have deep respect for the police in our town who put their lives on the line everyday, unlike the police in Honduras. We pray for all police officers to find the courage to deal with bad people. We put the past behind us and look to the future, hoping for a safer and better life as Americans."-Manuel
The Wounded Yellow Butterfly Book
$12.00
La Mariposa Amarillo Herido
$12.00
PEACE, JUSTICE, LOVE and CHARITY Program
The Peace, Justice, Love and Charity Program is offered to teens and children in a group setting with parents permission in writing. The playful and creative 1-25, 1.5 hour classes are held at my office and school for a small fee. Each theme has 1-5 classes. This not Critical Race Therory.
I have a BA in Philosophy with an emphasis on Peace and Justice from St. Peter's Jesuit College in Jersey City, New Jersey.
I was trained in school mediation, family and community conflict resolution.
I completed more than a thousand sessions of
conflict resolution in schools in Bergen and Hudson Counties.
I also studied w/the Quakers at the Fellowship of Reconciliation
and with other religious and non religious groups.
Reconciliation is not recommended when there has been sexual, physical, psychological, spiritual, financial abuse, or violence of any kind. Prepare and leave, if you are in an ongoing abusive situation, and learn more about psychological abuse and domestic violence at The Mend Project and see other internet sites.
Call the Domestic Violence Hotline.
The Peace, Justice, Love and Charity Program promotes love and respect for the poor, modest income, working class, middle class and rich persons, Asian, African Americans or Black, White, Indigenous or American Indian, Biracial persons, persons of different ethnicity and nationalities including Hispanics, Latina, Latinos y Lantix, religious and nonreligious persons, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, educated and uneducated, the unborn persons, disabled persons, and men and women who may find themselves the target of discrimination, racism, bigotry, bias, hate and violence. Remove yourself from dangerous and violent situations immediately and report all crimes and abuses to the police and file complaints at the
organizations and/or workplaces where an incident has taken place.
We are members of several groups and always an individual with full personhood and potentiality.
Free Speech, political choices and family values are to be respected.
To learn about the protection of animals and children and the teachings of "Peace" to children, read the history of The American Humane Society, an organization that began to protect all children regardless of race, age, gender, etc from abuse and neglect when no one else did.
"The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way its animals are treated."-- Mahatma Gandhi
❤https://www.americanhumane.org/about-us/history
THE FIVE PEACE, JUSTICE, LOVE and CHARITY THEMES
1. AFFIRMATION
Learn to affirm yourself and demonstrate gratefulness and love for yourself and others. Participate in volunteering, making donations and support for others in need.
I often ask children and adults to share what they are grateful for. These are some of their responses:
My wealth, my home, food, GOD, shelter, a free education, water, social services, dentist, doctors, friends, books, pencils, paper, a car, a phone, a computer, parents, teachers, libraries, kindness, peace, just laws, a protective government, work, money, My Faith, my family, good health, my pets, flowers, pretty things to look at, art, music, a place to sleep, a floor, a roof, grandparents, living in the USA, my church, clean air, healthcare, Israel, colors, flowers, trees, America, my identity, family values, and so much more.
LOVE makes the world go round!
WHAT ARE YOU GRATEFUL FOR?
2. COMMUNICATION
Learn how to express and defend yourself through assertive nonviolent communication.
3. CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Gain a better understanding of the underlying reasons of conflict.
Learn negotiation skills and how to defend yourself.
Learn to recognize safe places, people and things.
4. COOPERATION
Learn how to cooperate with safe people. You can not cooperate with evil.
5. CULTURAL APPRECIATION
We do this by bringing our children and young people together to share our food, our art, our books, our holidays, our customs, our traditional clothing, our dances, our songs, our stories, our way of life, our traditions, values and beliefs, our religions, and our lives. We validate and acknowledge one another and promote personhood for each and every one of us,
including ALL unborn human babies from around the world with immeasurable potential!
Real cultural appreciation reduces suffering and is compassionate, promotes all life, joy, respect, hope, equality, success, dignity, civility, love, forgiveness and reconciliation when safe to do so for ALL.
PRAY FOR PEACE AROUND THE WORLD
COMMUNITY
❤What Is a "Beloved Community"?
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. defined a beloved community as, "... a group of people that come together to make dreams come true, to protect the unborn, to prosper, to love one another, to own property, to solve problems, to hold each other accountable, to expect success, to use one's imagination ...."
The healing process for descendants must include a formal apology from the US government ( S. Con. Res.26-A concurrent resolution apologizing for the enslavement and segregation of Black Americans), property reparations for those who have no
property of their own and free psychological services for healing.
Some of you may not understand "psychological generational trauma." I believe generational trauma is not genetic, but a consequence of horrible indignities passed psychologically through the generations stemming from slavery and other indignities inflicted on children, teens and adults stemming from Hatred, Communism and Fascism. We may also inflict similar abuses and act out our historical traumas on others in the form of child abuse, domestic violence and hate crimes. It is each individual's responsibility to seek help,
regardless of one's trumatic history, to assure LOVE prevails and not hate.
Story 1
I remember Frank, a tall Biracial African American man (but hated his Whiteness) who was in therapy with me for about 4 years. He walked in the therapy room, hunched back as if he were carrying the world on his shoulder. He had come to counseling because he was depressed. He was a young man but looked much older. He shuffled into the office, taking a very long time to settle in his safe chair. He told me his trauma story bit by bit. One day, after building trust, he said, "My mother often beat me, for being light skinned black boy, with very thin branches she broke off a bush in our yard. My mother called the branch a 'switch'." He finished his story that day by telling me, "I have scars all over my body from the beatings, which started when I was a child. I have been unable to do much like other people. My scars keep me in prison
and are reminders of the horrors of the past. I have no peace of mind."
Overtime, Frank was able to feel less shame, to feel hopeful and start a family of his own, to forgive his mother (but could not reconcile due to the undue violence) and those responsible for slavery and other indignities his family suffered.
Frank's scars no longer keep him from enjoying the life he prayed for growing up. He was able to accept his biracial identity and love all of his children regardless of their racial appearance.
Story 2
I remember a man from Spain who called himself Jose who came for counseling. After sometime in counseling, he told me that when he was a child he witnessed brutality, murder and civil war between his neighbors, friends and family members. "You could not trust anyone", he said. Each person in Spain during the civil war chose to be either a communist, an anarchist or fascist. You told on friends, neighbors and family members to avoid losing your reputation, job, prison, torture and death. The Communists and Anarchist burned down churches, raped, tortured and murdered Christians including Nuns and Priests. The Fascists abused, raped, tortured and murdered communist and Spaniards who did not conform to Franco's Fascism. Fascists hated Jews and made them convert to Christianity or expelled them from Spain with no where to go. Today, Jews are able to go to Israel where Jews are welcome and safe, he said.
Many mass graves have been recovered in Spain, since then. Fear and hate had taken over the country, rather than courage, love and trust. Jose had been so traumatized that he did not allow his children to share their thoughts openly with anyone and demanded complete silence from his children to protect them from harm, although they lived in a free society where free speech and expressing your thoughts were encouraged and protected in the USA. He could not recover fully from the political terror and loss. Civil war had destroyed his country, his family, his faith and hope in humanity. Jose once said, Imagine what love, not fear, could have done for Spain and all of us. It's a warning to us all to take heed in the most important message of all from Jesus which is to 'love your neighbor as yourself'. -Matthew 22:39.
Story 3
I remember a young Asian woman named Mia coming to my office and sharing that she had wanted to jump out of her prestigious NY university 3rd floor window during a "sensitivity" course. The professor who seems to suffer from a lack of sensitivity and attunement asked all the students to stand. He then asked students to step forward, if they had two parents, had money growing up, were "white privileged", were not the first generation to enter college, lived in a home and had their own bedroom, have never been a target of racism or prejudice, had food in the home, celebrated holidays, etc. My client went on to say that by the time the professor had asked the last question, several students were at the head of the class, some in the middle, while she stood at the back (with one other Asian female student who ran from class and never returned), not having taken not one step forward. Mia shared she had been sex trafficked in China since she was a child by her mother, slept on a dirt floor, barely had food to eat and had to beg for food when growing up. She added, I am being supported by a man who is paying for her living expenses, food, her apartment and education in exchange for sex. Over time in counseling, this young woman began to heal from her traumatic childhood experiences, to work, attend another university and live on her own.
This young woman learned to recognize when she and others are being manipulated, narcissistic behaviors and psychological abuse. She began to understand that the professor failed her and the other students and created a hostile school environment. Mia also didn't consider that students may have lied to avoid embarrassment and being shamed by the professor or other students. In Counseling, she learned that no one is without suffering. She learned that many students experience a loss, i.e., environmental contamination, loss of a parent to suicide, war, loss of college funding, and so much more. Mia learned the difference between a secret and privacy and when it's inappropriate to share. She learned that it would have been more advantageous for everyone, if the professor and students had planned for an international festival at their university. More importantly, Mia accepted that suffering is EVERYONE'S reality and she is not alone.
If someone should tell you, you must take a "sensitivity or diversity" class, say, "NO!". It is unethical, degrading, and abusive to pit students against each other and to shame them "to death." If anyone accuses you and/or your child of being biased or racist, immediately defend yourself legally. It's highly recommended that families have a family lawyer to speak on your behalf.
Read "Torture" by Malise Ruthven on the erosion of human rights and basic freedoms in the modern world; where one's hallucinations become real and lies turn into facts.
As clinicians, parents, teachers and other responsible adults, it is our job to protect our children, teens and young people from delusional reasoning or irrational generalizations that may instill fear
and a feeling of alienation, leading to serious mental health issues, homicide and/or suicide.
Additional Resources
Video "Healing Ancestral Trauma: What is Epigenetic and Why Does it"
Pendle Hill USA, December 2020 with Erva Baden
Video "How do I Heal From Family Trauma?" Heal Damage of By Tamara Hill, MS NCCC CCPT
To learn more read Joe Navarro's essay in Psychology Today, When the Narcissist Fails. Also read more on Idealize, Devalue, Discard: The Dizzying Cycle of the Narcissist at www.goodtherapy.org.
Atonement and Forgiveness:
A New Model For Black Reparations by Roy Brooks
To promote love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible, read Collective Guilt Assignment to Historical Perpetrator Groups Depend on Level of Social Category Inclusiveness
by Michael Wohl & Nyla Branscombe
To learn more about loving behavior listen to
Reconciliation by Thich Nhat Hanh, 2022 Audio Buddha
❤
To be truthful and not afraid to stand up to evil when confronted by evil is love for yourself, your family, your neighbor, and your world. To give in to evil is cowardly!
Counseling helps to understand the process of grief, forgiveness, and possible reconciliation (if safe to do so) after a betrayal. The elements of grief, forgiveness, and reconciliation include a sincere examination of conscience, honesty, and reparations by the USA and from governments around the world and their representatives and those who caused others harm. It is also the victim's decision to forgive and reconcile.
I believe reparations are morally necessary for healing. I want to promote moral responsibility. I want to be the "change" I wish to see all governments make reparations for slavery, war, civil war, political terror, genocide, ethnic cleansing (Bosnia) and exterminations.
You may have many reasons why you don't think property reparations for American slavery helps to resolve trauma or loss. You may think it is not fair to hold those who didn't take part in enslaving men, women, and children responsible. You are absolutely right! We should not be blamed for the crimes committed by others.
But let me say, we need an ethical, legal, and moral approach to reparations. It must be compassionate. We must care enough to help each person feel a sense of belonging. People today are not to blame for enslavement, but we are morally responsible to our neighbors and our friends. We are responsible for one another. We need to continue building healthy relationships, families, communities and a society in which personhood applies to everyone and is validated.
We need to all heal from the crime of slavery and other indignities we have experienced in our own families and our lives. Similarly, I believe that individuals who were abused as a child and/or adult have a right to sue for damages (the effects of the abuse) against the state, family member, teacher, priest, and others, if psychological/physical and/or documents of evidence is provided to support the claim of
torture, abuse and/or neglect and other indignities. I also want to encourage everyone to use loving words and language and refrain from using hateful words or racial slurs.
While I believe and defend free speech, demoralizing or using hateful words toward each other may breed anger, shyness, withdrawal from others, poor school performance, sense of inferiority or superiority, self hate, hatred toward others and defensiveness which creates more division and separation from one another and worse, broken hearts, if the targets of the abuse adopt a self hating philosophy. Hate and fear are the antithesis of inclusion and self love.
To fight against self depreciation or self hate, angry feelings, sense of inferiority and to minimize retaliatory thoughts, follow these valuable suggestions:
First, expand your circle of friends and loved ones, go no contact or minimize interactions with negative people.
Second, If you are being verbally attacked you can stand up for yourself by singing out loud or to yourself many words and /or songs to defend myself, as I did as a child, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never harm me!" I always say, "Offend me, Please."
Mahatma Gandhi when fighting for India's Independence said, " You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy my body, but you will never imprison my mind."
Third, learn all you can about psychological abuse and seek information on youtube and internet.
Fourth, speak words of love. Acknowledge our tremendous progress over the years toward a more loving society, equality and healing.
Fifth, instill hope in your daily life!
Sixth, seek counseling to learn new skills to defeat bullying and negativity from others.
Seventh, judge people based on their character
and behavior and hold them ACCOUNTABLE. Forgiveness does not mean we don't hold people accountable. These are two different things.
Eighth, don't judge people based on the color of their eyes, texture of their hair, race, ethnicity, gender, weight, class, education, career choice, marital status, number of children a woman has, religious belief, economic status, political affiliation, etc.
Ninth, travel, read and listen to music from other cultures.
Lastly, study the 10 Irrational Cognitive Distortions and seek counseling with a therapist who respects you, promotes non violence and demonstrates love, has the training and certifications to treat mental health issues and generational trauma; and very importantly, has a neutral, non political counseling perspective and is not using conversion therapy (the act of trying to change your mind/brainwashing and using alienation techniques to turn you against yourself,
from your family, from you political beliefs, from your gender and identity).
Additional Resources
❤ Watch Video "Healing Ancestral Trauma: What is Epigenetic and Why Does it", Pendle Hill USA, December 2020 with Erva Baden
Watch Dr. Tabia Lee : Rejecting The DEI Orthodovy From Within DEI By The Foundation Against Intolerance and Racism
❤ See Video "How do I Heal From Family Trauma?" Heal Damage of By Tamara Hill, MS NCCC CCPT
❤ To learn more read Joe Navarro's essay in Psychology Today, When the Narcissist Fails. Atonement and Forgiveness: A New Model For Black Reparations by Roy Brooks
❤ To promote love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible, read, Collective Guilt Assignment to Historical Perpetrator Groups Depend on Level of Social Category Inclusiveness by Michael Wohl & Nyla Branscombe
Read Ten Global Trends by Ronald Baily
and Marian L. Tupy and listen to the
Ten Global Trends podcast with Dr. Jordan Peterson. UNETHICAL EXPERIMENT
To understand brainwashing and how pitting children against other children hurts them, learn more about Jane Elliot's "Blue Eyes, Brown Eyes" experiment in the 1960's. It is an unethical, non scientific experiment in which the teacher made very young white children feel shame for having blue eyes and accused them of being racists. Her psychological abusive response to the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King was to humiliate, demoralize and terrorize her White students, the children she accused of being racists; rather than grieving with the children for our great loss. The children cried and were obviously traumatized. It was an unethical experiment that should horrify us all. Children learn love by loving them and not by teaching violence and self-hatred. Hate and violence against any child is criminal. Promoting self hate and hate for White children is just as unconscionable and criminal as teaching hate against Black, Asian, Indian, Indigenous People, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Protestant and all of different faiths and those with different points of view.
If your child is being psychologically abused, physically removed from their classmates and classroom, taught to self hate and/or hate others, remove your child immediately from the violent environment, file a complaint against the offender and/or school or other institution or person for discrimination and violent mental health assault, file a lawsuit and/or civil rights and/or criminal charges.
As clinicians, parents, teachers and other responsible adults, it is our job to protect our children, teens and young people from delusional reasoning or irrational generalizations that may instill fear and a feeling of alienation, leading to serious mental health issues,
a sense of failure, addictions, abuse of others, self hate or hate toward others, homicide and/or suicide.
❤
For more information for educators, parents and students watch DEI Trends in Education: What's Happening and How to Respond, by the Foundation Against Intolerance and Racism, an organization that does not promote "oppressor vs oppressed ideology".
To learn more about loving behavior listen to, Reconciliation by Thich Nhat Hanh, 2022 Audio