Counseling will help define your parental role, find comfort, support & confidence with the choices you make. Choosing Motherhood or Fatherhood over a career is empowering for the whole family. 

Opting to prioritize parenthood over a professional career can significantly empower families by fostering strong familial bonds, reducing financial and work-related stress, and enhancing mental health. 

Adopting a minimalist lifestyle and raising a family within or below one's financial means supports balance and stability. Options such as homeschooling and further education are available to support this lifestyle. 

The early years of a child's development are critical, and it is advocated that extended parental leave or supplemental government support for stay-at-home parents caring for young children be provided to enhance child well-being and family choice.           

❤

For more on finances, read Dave Ramsey, "budget percentages explained (2021 edition)," 

May 30, 2021 and other valuable budgeting information.
❤

Read Dr. Cloud's book on "Raising Great Kids" 

and other books on "children and boundaries".

Check out Homeschooling resources.  If you are fortunate enough to live in a politically free and wealthy country such as the USA, then you have choices and infinite opportunities.  

As you make family choices such as homeschooling, going to work and having a career, being a stay at home mother and/or father, it is helpful to think that in life,   

         "YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE!"

Guidance and Support for Personal Discovery 

Identity exploration counseling offers you the opportunity to delve into your true self, fostering a deeper understanding and a sense of wholeness. If you find yourself pondering, “Who am I?”—let’s open that conversation together. 

Each of us holds within a core identity waiting to be revealed. This core forms the bedrock of your being: the values that reside deep within, shaping your capacity to love and be loved. 

Broadly, identity encompasses the tapestry of memories, experiences, relationships, and values that collectively forge your sense of self. 

This amalgamation provides a steady foundation—an enduring thread of who you are—even as you grow and add new dimensions to your identity over time (Psychology Today, Identity Self-Image, Self Concept). 

Renowned developmental psychologist Erik Erikson asserted that “identity formation is most acute during adolescence, but the process doesn’t stop after the teen years.” Through his theory of life’s stages, Erikson introduced the pivotal concept of the “identity crisis,” illustrating that self-discovery is a lifelong pursuit. His own journey through these questions led to his Pulitzer Prize-winning work, Gandhi’s Truth (1969), which charts Gandhi’s later-life exploration of identity. 

Social identity encompasses aspects such as race, ethnicity, gender, sex, socioeconomic background, sexual orientation, age, religion or spirituality, nationality, and both visible and invisible abilities or disabilities. Challenges or anxieties around social identity may arise from major life transitions, historical trauma, isolation, depression, alienation, developmental stages, or other stressors. 

It is both rude and sometimes hurtful to highlight another person’s social identity or distinguishing characteristics—such as race, ethnicity, gender, sex, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, religion, national origin, or abilities—especially when done in a prejudiced or exclusionary manner. When someone wishes to discuss any aspect of their social identity, that choice is theirs alone to make.   

Childhood Encounter with Prejudice

I remember a time when, as a child growing up in my quiet neighborhood, another child asked me for my last name. My curiosity was piqued—why did she want to know my surname, and why was she asking other children the same question.

In adulthood, I realized that her questions were driven by certain prejudices. She harbored anxieties toward anyone who did not share her ethnicity, and this affected the way she interacted with her peers in childhood and adulthood.

So, If you ever feel pressured to disclose your religion, pronouns, last name, gender, or any other facet of your identity, remember: you have the right to step away from that conversation. 

Gender identity is a meaningful and integral part of who we are. Whether you are exploring, questioning, adult transitioning, or de-transitioning, I am here to offer compassionate counseling and support on your journey. 

Although I do not advocate or support children under the age of 18 undergoing gender hormone therapy and medical transition including the use of puberty blockers, I offer guidance and counseling to children and their parents. My services also include counseling for children who are going through detransition, ensuring advocacy and counseling support is available for every stage of their journey.

Conversion therapy is widely recognized as a form of alienation, both socially and psychologically. It isolates LGBT individuals from their authentic identities, communities, and support systems, often leading to long-term harm.

Here's how conversion therapy functions as alienation:

• Denial of identity: Conversion therapy attempts to suppress or change a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity, which alienates them from their true self.
• Internalized shame: These practices often instill guilt and self-hatred, leading individuals to feel estranged from their own emotions and desires.
• Mental health consequences: Survivors frequently report depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and suicidal ideation — all signs of deep psychological distress and disconnection.

• Family and community rejection: Many undergo conversion therapy due to pressure from family or religious communities, which can fracture relationships and isolate individuals from their support networks.
• Marginalization: The practice reinforces societal stigma against LGBT identities, pushing individuals to the margins and denying them equal acceptance.

• Discredited by science: Major health organizations, including the American Psychological Association and the National Alliance on Mental Illness, have condemned conversion therapy as pseudoscientific and harmful.
• Legal bans and advocacy: Many governments and advocacy groups are working to ban conversion therapy, recognizing it as a violation of human rights and a form of systemic alienation.

In essence, conversion therapy doesn't just aim to change behavior — it fractures identity, erodes trust, and severs connection to self and society. It’s not just ineffective; it’s deeply alienating and painful.

If you’re exploring this issue further, I can help you reduce the effects of alienation. 

My book I Want To Be Just Like My Daddy is a respectful way to support gender identity development. 10 % of the proceeds will be used to buy my book for another child and family. 

ENGLISH COPY of I Want To Be Just Like My Daddy TO PURCHASE

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SPANISH COPY of Quero Ser Como Mi Papa TO PURCHASE

<iframe width="450" height="335"  src="https://www.bookemon.com/book-embed/977053/quiero-ser-como-mi-pap%C3%A1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> 

If you are seeking information, the following resources may be helpful: 

• Psychology Today, Does Affirmative Treatment Impair Sexual Responses in Trans Youth? Sexual health and orgasmic naivete in trans youth, Author David J. Ley Ph.D. 
• https://www.camft.org/Resources/Legal-Articles/Chronological-Article-List/affirming-care
• DOJ Commercial Vendors: See the Order Regarding Section 4 of Executive Order 14187, which addresses the protection of children regarding medical procedures. 
• Parental Support and Advocacy: For articles and resources on racism, discrimination, and legal issues concerning gender-affirming care for minors, contact the Foundation Against Intolerance and Racism (FAIR) – Montclair NJ Chapter. 
• Self-Acceptance and Identity: “We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves.” (The Adult Children of Alcoholics Promises) and “Self Awareness: Understanding Your Core Identity. Who Are You at the Core?” by Wacuka Stephen 
• Further Learning and Policy Information: Watch the House Judiciary Subcommittee Hearings on gender-affirming surgeries for minors and policy discussions (July 27, 2023, and July 19, 2023). 
• Read “Gender Ideology and Medical Experiment on Our Children” by Miriam Grossman. 
• Support for Homeless and LGBTQ+ Youth: Support organizations like Covenant House that assist homeless youth, including homeless transgender youth and Learn more about issues facing homeless LGBT youth by reading “‘Pose’ Stars Make Poignant Plea on Behalf of Homeless LGB and T Youth.” Donations can be made to TRUE COLORS UNITED. 
• Child Safety and Reporting: All children and teens deserve to feel safe and protected from harm. Exposing minors to nudity or sexual acts is illegal. If you witness inappropriate displays involving children (such as public nudity, indecent exposure, or exploitative images), it is important to document the incident and file a report with your local police department. Reports may be filed against any individual or organization involved in such conduct. 

If you need further assistance or guidance on any of the above issues, please contact this office.

Counseling can support individuals in making informed reproductive choices, such as whether to have children while in college, living independently, or managing with a low or modest income. Loving a child doesn't depend on having lots of money and a home of your own or an education, etc. 

While reproductive technologies are available, it is important to carefully consider both the mental health impacts and medical consequences before deciding to use them. 

Counseling services are accessible to anyone experiencing challenges with pregnancy or needing guidance on reproductive choices, including selecting a type of birth control and determining how long to use it, along with other related considerations. 

Deciding whether or not to pursue motherhood or fatherhood can also be a significant mental health matter, if one experienced child abuse, and especially for those who find decision-making difficult or feel a 

challenging adjustment after the birth of a child. 

Ethical Considerations in Reproductive Counseling

PREGNANCY LOSS

Pregnancy loss, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, or other circumstances, can be a profoundly traumatic experience. It often brings a mix of grief, shock, guilt, and isolation, and those emotions can linger long after the physical event.

💔 Here’s why it can be so deeply impactful:

• It’s the loss of a future. Hopes, dreams, and plans for a child suddenly vanish.
• It’s often invisible. Others may not have known about the pregnancy, making it harder to receive support.
• It’s physically and emotionally intense. The body goes through real changes, and the heart does too.
• It’s sometimes minimized. People may unintentionally say hurtful things like “You can try again” or “At least it was early,” which can invalidate the grief.

If you or someone you care about is going through this, support matters. Talking to a therapist, joining a support group, or simply having someone who listens without judgment can make a huge difference.

It is highly recommended that men and women and family members who have experienced pregnancy loss seek grief counseling in preparation for a new pregnancy and/or starting a family. 

ABORTION  LOSS

We need to recognize that abortion should not be the primary option.

Abortion is not a safe or appropriate option, especially when based on income, marital status, education, a preference for the sex or other characteristics of the fetus. Ethical reproductive choices considers medical well-being and safety for the mother as well as the unborn as core reasons for making such decisions.

The law strictly forbids forced abortion. No one has the right to intimidate, coerce, or pressure an adult into terminating a pregnancy. Abandoning someone or using threats to influence their decision is also prohibited.

Mistreatment—such as ostracism, isolation, or other forms of abuse—directed at someone who chooses to continue with a pregnancy is unacceptable. Every individual should be treated with dignity and supported in their reproductive decisions.

Consulting with a doctor is strongly advised when considering birth control or medications such as the "abortion pill," as these can have side effects and may cause reproductive or medical complications. It is also illegal and reportable to coerce anyone into using reproductive technologies against their will. 

Abortion loss is a sensitive and real traumatic loss.

Abortion loss—whether due to medical (physical) necessity or personal decision, can be deeply traumatic and emotionally complex. People may experience grief, guilt, confusion, anger, depression and isolation, and all of these feelings are valid. The emotional impact can be shaped by societal imposed beliefs and values which may contradict your pro-life beliefs and values, lack of support systems, and the circumstances surrounding the abortion.

Here are a few important truths to hold onto:

• Grief is not linear. It can come in waves, and healing takes time.
• You’re not alone. Many people have experienced similar losses and found support through counseling, peer groups, or trusted loved ones.
• Your experience matters. Whether others understand it or not, your feelings are real and deserve compassion.

If you're processing abortion traumatic loss—or supporting someone who is—it's okay to seek help. Talking to a therapist and/or joining a grief support group that validates your real feelings and doesn't minimize your feelings and experience and/or gaslights you into thinking abortion is about "celebrating freedom".

It’s important to approach sensitive topics like abortion loss with empathy and respect for the wide range of perspectives people hold. While radical feminist and/or political ideologies may emphasize "reproductive rights and bodily autonomy", that doesn’t negate the emotional complexity or grief that most individuals experience after abortion. Every person’s story is unique, and their feelings deserve to be acknowledged without judgment.

If you’re feeling unheard or dismissed by certain viewpoints, that pain is valid. But healing often comes from finding spaces where your experience is honored—not debated. There are communities, counselors, and support groups that focus specifically on post-abortion healing, and they prioritize compassion over politics and ideology.

It is highly recommended that men and women and family members who have experienced an abortion loss to seek grief counseling in preparation for a new pregnancy and/or starting a family. 

If you like help finding one of those spaces or exploring ways to process your experience? Contact Linda on this website below. 

MANDATED REPORTERS

Children under the age of 18 are in need of our care and protection from incest, rape and subsequent abortion by family members and rapists. Teachers, healthcare providers, and counselors—are mandated reporters and must take immediate action upon learning of such circumstances. It is not your responsibility to believe a child or not. 

That is for the legal system/prosecutors to investigate. Your  responsibility extends beyond the initial disclosure, requiring you to cooperate fully with authorities and ensure the safety and well-being of the minor involved. 

Failing to report or attempting to handle the situation privately not only undermines the minor's rights but can also result in legal consequences for the adult. 

Recognizing the gravity of these cases, communities and support organizations strive to provide resources, advocacy, and protection for affected minors, underscoring the importance of a swift and compassionate response.

Counseling offers a confidential and compassionate environment to process the loss of a pregnancy or infant and to better understand the normal grieving and healing process. This support is available to all, regardless of gender, including 

those coping with loss after an abortion. 

Up to 10 free counseling sessions addressing pre- or post-pregnancy loss or abortion-related trauma are available 

for those without insurance or financial means. 

Please note: The birth control drug DEPO-PROVERA  has been identified as potentially dangerous, particularly following unauthorized testing on minor Puerto Rican girls, which may have caused serious and sometimes irreversible 

reproductive, health issues and death. 

It is highly recommended to test for carcinogens in breast milk before breastfeeding, as certain toxins can accumulate in fatty breast tissue and may be transmitted to an infant, 

potentially increasing cancer risk. 

For counseling, guidance, or referrals to a local pregnancy center, you may contact Linda, a nonviolent feminist who advocates for nonviolent reproductive rights. Pregnancy centers can offer comprehensive assistance during pregnancy and after childbirth, including support with education, transportation, basic needs like shelter, and more for those who choose not to pursue abortion. 

My new book on pregnancy and sibling loss and grief:

Goodbye, Little Bird - A Story of Love, Loss, and Remembering

://www.bookemon.com/book_read_flip.php?s=1&book_id=1058461&check=19437cdd3c58231526199ecb309bd56aCo

Counseling remains available to address these 

sensitive topics with care and respect. 

https://www.momsacrossamerica.com/ 

Contact: Feministforlife.org 

http://www.helpingsurvivors.org/ 

Above all, do no harm—to yourself or to others 

Seeking counseling can be empowering and transformative for anyone striving to confront injustice. Whether you’re affected by discrimination, family separation, hate crimes, racism, sexism, domestic violence, sexual harassment, or other forms of abuse, support is available. It’s important to recognize and address enabling behaviors—don’t turn away from injustice or excuse harmful actions. 

Activist burnout or depression

Activists burnout or depression often stems from irrational thought patterns (see resources on cognitive distortions below). It can show up as anger, loss of compassion, isolation, neglecting your own well-being for the sake of a cause, or feelings of hopelessness. You might notice yourself changing your goals, withdrawing from loved ones, or focusing only on the negative aspects of society. Being vigilant about these signs can help you maintain your integrity and well-being as you work for change. 

Jane Elliot's "Blue Eyes, Brown Eyes" experiment in the 1960's implemented in response to the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, demonstrates how someone can lose their way in their grief and cause harm. 

The "Blue Eyes, Brown Eyes" experiment was an unethical, nonscientific response in which Jane Elliot, the fourth grade teacher made very young White children feel shame for having blue eyes and accused them of being potentially racists. She turned blue eyed children against brown eyed children to cure them.  Instead, she humiliated, demoralized and terrorized all the children.  

It was an experiment that should horrify us all. 

Children learn love, nonviolence and justice when they are loved and not by abusing them and instilling hatred in their minds and souls.  Hate and violence toward children is a criminal act. Making children hurt each other is unforgivable.

Self-Care for Changemakers 

Challenging systemic injustice is exhausting work. To take care of yourself, try grounding each morning with positive affirmations, take mindful breaks to move or reflect, and reach out for peer support or therapy. Bearing witness to trauma takes its toll, and you deserve support, too. 

It’s critical to distinguish between burnout and criminal behavior. 

Violence—whether it’s rioting, assault, or predatory acts as in the case of Jane Elliot's "Blue Eyes, Brown Eyes" experiment cannot be justified as a symptom of burnout. If you or others are experiencing burnout or depression, seek help right away from a trusted professional. 

No matter who you are, anyone can be a victim or perpetrator of abuse. Harm can be caused by people of any gender, and society’s stereotypes about who is “naturally” capable of violence can prevent accountability and healing. It’s vital to report all crimes and abuses, regardless of the perpetrator’s identity, to protect yourself and your community and to ensure justice is served. 

If you have experienced harm—whether in public, at work, in your family, in school or college or your community—know that harmful individuals may seek to provoke a response that puts you at risk. The healthiest response is to avoid violence: remain nonviolent, walk away, run away and if necessary, protect children, and contact the authorities. 

Self-defense 

Self-defense applies when it is a reasoned response to immediate danger. Always familiarize yourself with your own state’s laws and seek support—medical, psychological, legal, and spiritual—if you have been harmed. Filing a police report could save your life or the lives of others. 

If you find it hard to leave an abusive situation, you may feel guilt, shame, or fear that others will not believe you. Remember: you are never to blame, and there are people who care and resources to help you rebuild. Counseling can help you identify what safety looks like, who you can trust, and how to protect yourself and those you love. 

Changing the world may seem daunting, but your small, nonviolent actions matter. You need to be like Gandhi, Dr. King, or others to make a difference—every act of compassion and refusal to ignore injustice helps to improve your family, classroom, and community. If you are struggling to find your purpose, counseling is available to support you and your nonviolent choices. 

In a renowned passage from the Apology, Socrates famously declares his unwavering dedication to philosophical inquiry. When offered release by the court on the condition that he cease questioning the views of his fellow citizens, Socrates responds with resolute defiance. He states that, even if acquitted on the condition of abandoning his inquiry, he would refuse, choosing instead to obey the divine call to philosophize. Socrates affirms that as long as he has breath and strength, he will never stop seeking wisdom and truth. (Greece & Rome, Volume 19, Issue 2, October 1972, pp. 208–212. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1017/S0017383500019884)

Exploring the consequences of absorbing negativity, the writings of Carl Jung provide important insights into the transformation of empathy. "What the Empath Becomes After Absorbing the Narcissist's Darkness and Surviving" and "When Empaths Stop Absorbing Pain, Everything Changes" reveal the profound shifts that occur within the empath’s psyche. The notion of empathy is further defined and examined, emphasizing the depth of the soul and the process of psychoanalysis.

Patterns of thought can contribute to persistent negativity. Cognitive distortions are discussed as catalysts for harmful thinking patterns. 

· Left or Liberal? – A concise 5-minute video by PragerU explores distinctions in political identity.

· Dr. Drew: Narcissism, Cancel Culture, and Mob Destruction – Featured on Dad Saves America, this resource addresses contemporary social challenges.

· Dirty Secrets: Hidden Truth of Family Mobbing and Scapegoating – Rebecca C. Mandeville, LMFT, CCTP, delves into the complexities of family dynamics and psychological harm.

· What’s the Difference Between Socialism, Fascism, and Communism? – PragerU presents a comparative overview of these political ideologies.

· Is The World Really Falling Apart, or Does It Just Feel That Way? – Max Fisher, writing for The New York Times (2022), offers perspective on global anxieties.

Delving into spirituality through counseling allows individuals not only to discover their unique path, but also to make conscious choices about engaging with respected spiritual teachings and communities. 

These journeys often include practices such as meditation, mindfulness, and relaxation techniques, all set within a nurturing environment that fosters peace, respect for diversity, and the freedom of personal expression. Within these safe spaces, participants are encouraged to embrace autonomy, unity, compassion, inclusivity, acceptance, forgiveness, and—when it contributes to healing—reconciliation. 

Exploring the lives and wisdom of revered spiritual leaders—Jesus, Mother Teresa, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Thich Nhat Hanh, Mother Mary, Pope John XXIII, Mahatma Gandhi, among others—offers profound lessons in love, forgiveness, courage, integrity, empowerment, humility, and the deeper dimensions of the spiritual life. Their examples illuminate the practice of self-acceptance and the extension of love to others, whether that springs from faith in God, a higher power, or a commitment to universal values. 

Spirituality, at its heart, is a journey of compassion, authenticity, responsibility, and the ongoing quest for understanding and connection both within ourselves and with the world around us. 

Spiritual abuse: recognizing the signs and the role of separation in healing

Spiritual abuse, also known as religious abuse, involves using spiritual or religious beliefs to hurt, scare, or control someone. It can manifest as manipulation, exploitation, enforced accountability, censorship, coercion to conform, and isolation. 

Recognizing the signs of spiritual abuse

• Manipulation of beliefs: Abusers may twist religious teachings to control and manipulate others, using fear, guilt, or shame. For example, they might use scriptures out of context to justify their demands.
• Control of behavior: This can include dictating clothing, relationships, finances, parenting, or even thought processes, according to The Mend Project. A leader might tell you how to dress, who to befriend, or claim to have special divine knowledge about your life.
• Isolation and shame: Abusers often isolate victims from external support and information, creating dependence on the abuser for spiritual guidance and emotional support. They might criticize other belief systems, making the victim feel that their faith depends on adhering to the abuser's ideology. Victims may experience a chronic sense of inadequacy and shame for not living up to unrealistic expectations, leading to self-doubt and fear of abandonment.
• Fear of consequences: Victims may live in fear of spiritual or emotional harm, and even physical consequences if they don't comply with the abuser's demands. This can include threats of divine punishment, excommunication, or community rejection.
• Unrealistic expectations: Abusers may demand impossible achievements or unreasonable sacrifices, presenting them as tests of faith. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and reinforce the abuse.
• Gaslighting: This involves the abuser making the victim doubt their own perceptions and sanity, making it harder to recognize or address the abuse. 

The role of separation in healing

Separation from the abuser and the abusive environment can be a crucial step in the healing process. 

• Safety: Separation creates physical and emotional distance from the abuser, allowing the victim to feel safer and begin the healing process.
• Clarity: It provides space to reflect, think clearly, and evaluate the situation without the ongoing influence of the abuser, notes Dr. David Hawkins.
• Healing: Separation can help calm the nervous system and create an environment conducive to processing trauma and rebuilding a sense of self.
• Redefining spirituality: Leaving a toxic environment allows individuals to redefine their spirituality and beliefs on their own terms, seeking healthy, supportive communities or engaging in self-exploration. 

Healing from spiritual abuse

• Seek therapy and counseling: Working with a trauma-informed therapist is essential for processing the emotional damage caused by spiritual abuse. Helping therapies such as CBT.
• Find a supportive community: Whether within or outside of a faith context, connecting with a healthy and supportive community that offers love and acceptance can be incredibly healing.
• Self-care and mindfulness: Engaging in self-care routines, exercise, and mindfulness practices can help regulate the nervous system and promote physical and emotional well-being.
• Reclaiming autonomy and truth-telling: One key step in recovery is recognizing the abuse, understanding its dynamics, and sharing your story with safe individuals. This can be a powerful act of reclaiming agency and challenging the abuser's control. 

It is important to remember that healing is a process, not a linear journey, and it's okay to seek professional help and support. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE or text START to 88788) can provide support and resources. 

For additional information, consider the following resources: 

• Listen to Lisa A. Romano’s YouTube presentation, *Embracing the Validity of Our Thoughts and Feelings*. 
• View *How Narcissists Spread Spiritual Disease* by The Royal We on YouTube. 
• Professional counseling can offer individuals and families a supportive environment to explore concepts of safety, identify trustworthy individuals, and learn methods to protect oneself and others. 
• For further understanding, view the YouTube video *What is a Cult and How Does it Work?* by Margaret Singer, published by the International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA) on October 12, 2014. 
• It is also advisable to attend professional development events, such as *How to Integrate Spirituality and Psychotherapy in Clinical Practice*, presented by Donald Meichenbaum, PhD., and sponsored by CE-Go. This presentation promotes the integration of love, forgiveness, and reconciliation when appropriate. 
• To gain insight into loving behaviour and the process of reconciliation, listen to Thich Nhat Hanh’s audio works, *Reconciliation* and *Transforming Suffering* (2022, Audio Buddha). 
• Additionally, for a scholarly perspective on forgiveness and collective responsibility, refer to *Forgiveness and Collective Guilt Assignment to Historical Perpetrator Groups Depend on Level of Social Category Inclusiveness* by Michael Wohl and Nyla Branscombe. 
• TheMendProject Https://themendproject.com › spiritual-abuse

A Journey through Ancestry, Adversity, and Self-Discovery 

Counseling offers us the gift of clarity—a space to illuminate our purpose amidst life's intricate tapestry. But what truly is purpose? My own search draws on the stories of family: four of my mother’s first cousins, along with countless others around the world, spent their childhoods in Puerto Rico during the 1930s and 40s, growing up in humble wooden shacks without electricity or running water. 

In the decades that followed—through the 1950s, 60s, and 70s—opportunity flourished. There was a surge of jobs and a newfound sense of possibility. Many, including my relatives, ascended to financial security and enjoyed upward mobility. My great uncle Bado, their father, worked the land with devotion—cutting sugar cane and milking cows until the end of his days. 

My great aunt, Tia Carmen, a proud Taino woman from Puerto Rico, embodied dedication as a stay-at-home mother who believed deeply in the healing power of counseling. She once confided in me: it was counseling that helped her unravel the threads of historical trauma and find closure after losing her parents so young—a loss that echoed in the life of my great uncle as well.

It is women like Tia Carmen,  and others like mi Abuelita who moved through hardship with courage, who shaped my calling as a trauma therapist and grief counselor. Of my Tia Carmen's children, three went on to become social workers, while another built a thriving beauty salon. Through her love, Tia Carmen planted within us all “the seed of purpose,” just as so many of our family members did, even as they carried the burdens of history and their own scars. 

When Tia Carmen and my great uncle Bado—my grandmother’s brother—married, their union was woven from love and hope. My great uncle’s roots stretched back to Spanish and French ancestors, and our family tree extends to the 1600s, when my Spanish great-great-great-great-grandparents settled in 

Puerto Rico, joining immigrants from more than fifty nations. 

Materially, they were “poor,” but their hearts brimmed with hope and affection, never adopting the "poverty mentality". But what does it mean to be poor? Who defines poverty? If you are safe, loved, and your basic needs are met, you possess more wealth than you know. 

Today, we reap the harvest of our ancestors’ labor, their endurance, their faith, and the love that sustained them through generations. Let us be grateful for the sacrifices and dreams of those who came before us. Let us find our own purpose, so that future generations may continue 

to thrive and benefit from our efforts. 

Puerto Rican identity weaves together countless threads. Puerto Ricans may identify as White European, Black African, Taino Indigenous, biracial, tri racial, or more, and often embrace all these facets at once. The second great wave of immigrants, over four centuries ago, brought Italians, Spaniards, Irish, and others to the island’s shores. Many arrived empty-handed. Those born in Puerto Rico like mi Abuela.  

were granted land to cultivate. 

Puerto Rican is a nationality, not a race or ethnicity—nor does it appear in DNA results. Within Puerto Rico are Black communities, Taino communities, and those descended from Europeans, as well as families formed by the intermingling of these backgrounds. Children of such unions may call themselves biracial, tri racial, or multiethnic, but above all, they are Puerto Rican. 

To further explore Puerto Rican culture and the respect we share for each other, discover the following cultural performances and resources: 

• Baile Cultura Puerto Rico – Felix Jose 
• Bomba Eh Atencion Atencion – Children’s Songs 
• Puerto Rico is music (children dancing bomba) 
• Gíbaro de Puerto Rico – Karaskatiski – A Puro Folklore 
• Bomba Puertorriqueña para tu boda 
• Semana de la Puertorriqueñidad – Baile en Puerto Rico 
• History of Bomba PR – Music of the Americas 

Puerto Rico consistently ranks among the top ten happiest places in the world. True identity flourishes when we embrace every aspect of ourselves, integrating our heritage, our challenges, and our hopes. So, celebrate all that you are—embrace every thread of your story. 

Counseling offers a safe space to examine the financial beliefs and messages you’ve inherited—beliefs that may be quietly shaping your relationship with money. By acknowledging and shifting unhelpful narratives such as the "poverty mentality" narrative, you open the door to greater financial wellness and a sense of security.   

My Definition of Poverty: Systemic Alienation and Unsafe Poverty

Too often, poverty is described as a lack of money or resources. But poverty is not simply about scarcity. It is about systemic alienation — the deliberate ways institutions enforce failure, deny dignity, and normalize exclusion or marginalization.

And here’s the hard truth: this alienation is not always imposed from the outside. It is reproduced within schools and communities themselves. Teachers, administrators, and leaders — Black, White, and Hispanic alike — sometimes enforce failure on purpose. This is not perception. This is reality.”  This is the experience of many people and my experience as well. Besides having witnessed this many times over the years from childhood to the present. 

Defining Poverty

• Poverty = deprivation of resources, dignity, and participation.
• Not just income, but exclusion from safety and belonging.
• Types:
  • Absolute Poverty: survival needs unmet.
  • Relative Poverty: excluded from what society considers a normal standard of living.
  • Systemic Poverty: maintained by institutions that normalize failure.

Safe vs. Unsafe Poverty

• Safe Poverty (Minimalism with Dignity)
  • Basic needs met.
  • Housing secure.
  • Communities enforce peace.
  • Families retain agency and choice.
  • “Less is more” — simplicity chosen, not imposed.
• Unsafe Poverty (Systemic Alienation)
  • Housing unsafe because slumlords are allowed.
  • Violence tolerated in communities.
  • Schools enforce failure through low expectations.
  • Children alienated from dignity and opportunity.
  • Poverty maintained by abuse, not scarcity.

Systemic Alienation in Education

• Slum schools often have more funding ( funding is in the form of salaries ) than middle-class schools. Materials are not funded in most schools. 
• The problem is not resources — it is staff culture.
• Teachers and administrators enforce low expectations, telling children they “belong” in failure.
• This is politically motivated: maintaining slums sustains power structures.
• The self-fulfilling prophecy becomes: “You are stupid because you belong here.”
• Children internalize this abuse, and their performance reflects alienation, not ability.

Perception vs. Reality

• Outsiders often say poverty persists because of racism or classism imposed from above.
• But the reality is more complex: alienation is reproduced inside schools and communities.
• Teachers and leaders from the same racial or cultural background can perpetuate failure.
• This is not outsiders devaluing children — it is insiders enforcing low expectations.
• The perception is “poverty equals stupidity.” The reality is poverty equals abuse through alienation.

Personal Story

“I was told in college that I would not succeed repeatedly by Socialists professors, although I was in their classes and paying their high salaries, in the world because I was Puerto Rican. That was the perception many attempted to impose on me. 

But the reality was very different. Most of my family for three generations— even those who remained in Puerto Rico — choose success- and are and were educated, trained, self made and successful. They became social workers, musicians, artists, dancers, plumbers, carpenters, seamstresses, a lawyer, a doctor, teachers, college professors, art teacher, even a CEO and more, although most grew up in slums and poverty.

My mother’s cousins grew up in Puerto Rico in the harshest conditions: without running water, with an outside toilet, in a wooden shack but safe- against the wind. Yet they attended university and became professionals. Their story proves that poverty does not equal failure. What mattered was expectation, dignity, and the refusal to internalize abuse.”

The Contrast

• When children move to schools that insist on success, they thrive.
• A teen once believed she was stupid in a slum school. After moving to a middle-class school, she earned straight A’s.
• Her intelligence was always there — the environment changed the outcome.
• Poverty did not predetermine failure. Alienation did.

Housing and Safety

• Housing is foundational.
• Slumlords exploit families, allowing unsafe housing to persist.
• Communities tolerate crime and violence, eroding peace.
• Outside schools and communities enforce rules and consequences, creating safer environments where success can flourish.
• Poverty becomes destructive only when safety and dignity are denied.

When External Forces Are Made Up

• Perception vs. Reality: Marginalization depends heavily on whether exclusion is real or perceived. If someone believes they’re being excluded by society, even without evidence, the psychological impact can feel just as real.
• Social Narratives: Sometimes groups construct narratives of oppression to explain disadvantage or to build solidarity. These narratives may exaggerate external forces, but they can still shape      identity and behavior.
• Self-Marginalization: If the external forces are fabricated, then the marginalization is essentially self-inflicted. People withdraw, limit themselves, or adopt an outsider identity based on a belief rather than actual systemic exclusion.  

Consequences:

• Psychological: Feelings of victimhood, resentment, or alienation.
• Social: Reduced participation in mainstream opportunities, reinforcing the sense of being “outside.”
• Political: Movements may form around perceived marginalization, even if the external forces aren’t objectively present.

“Poverty is not the danger. Alienation is. Generations of children are being deliberately failed — not because they lack intelligence, not because outsiders impose racism, but because institutions inside their own communities enforce low expectations and normalize failure.

This is abuse. It is a crime against dignity. With all the money and opportunities in our country, the persistence of unsafe poverty is not natural — it is manufactured.

Why Successful People Fail Children

• Internalized Alienation Many adults who grew up in systems of alienation may unconsciously reproduce it. They were told “this is your place,” and when they become professionals, they pass that same message on, believing it’s “normal.”
• Institutional Pressure Schools and agencies often reward compliance, not transformation. A teacher who enforces low expectations fits the system’s demand to keep slums functioning. Success is measured by control, not by children thriving.
• Fear of Disruption If children succeed beyond what the system expects, it threatens the hierarchy. Adults who are “successful” within that hierarchy may fear losing their own position if they encourage too much upward mobility.
• Misplaced Belief in Toughness Some educators and leaders believe failure builds resilience. They confuse alienation with discipline, thinking they are “preparing” children for the real world, when in fact they are crushing dignity.
• Systemic Incentives Unsafe poverty is maintained because it benefits political and economic structures. Successful individuals inside those systems may be pressured — or rewarded — for keeping children “in their place.”

The Deeper Reality

It’s not that families or children are failing. It’s that institutions normalize failure as belonging. Successful people inside those institutions may enforce failure because:

• They’ve internalized alienation themselves.
• They fear disrupting the system.
• They confuse abuse with preparation.
• They are rewarded with more funding, awards, praise for maintaining the status quo 
• People engage in Denialism- A person's choice to deny reality as a way to avoid believing in an uncomfortable truth, refusing to accept an empirically verifiable reality.

Before ending there is one more group that perpetuates alienation.

The history of policing reflects both protection and paradox. In many communities, police have played a vital role in reducing crime, curbing mob violence, and safeguarding everyday life, often at great personal risk. At the same time, policing has been shaped by human prejudices,  institutional cultures, and the pressures of alienation — whether  imposed by political systems, fear of retaliation from gangs, or the weight of community mistrust. These forces sometimes lead officers to look away or act in ways that reinforce fear, violence and inequality, even when their intent is protection. Communities themselves want safety and dignity; they do not wish to shield criminals, but to live free from fear. To honor the complexity, we must give police their due for the safety they provide, while also recognizing how broader systems of prejudice,poverty, neglect, and fear can distort their role, turning protectors into instruments of alienation. 

Summary

Truth Against Alienation

When institutions fail, communities are trapped. Schools, teachers, slum lords, politicians, judges, police and others knowingly participate in cycles of alienation — sometimes through euphemism, sometimes through violence, sometimes by deliberately demanding failure. Yet truth has the power to break these patterns. By naming harm clearly and restoring belonging, we move from systemic failure to dignity, from silence to voice, and from entrapment to freedom. 

Framework’s Power

This is exactly why my concept of systemic alienation is so vital. It explains that failure isn’t natural, nor is it chosen by families. It’s manufactured by institutions and enforced by insiders — even those who appear successful.

Our challenge is clear: dismantle unsafe poverty by confronting systemic alienation, and build environments where safety, dignity, and expectation are the norm. Because when we insist on success, we don’t just change outcomes — we change lives. 

Let me to share my personal financial affirmation: 

"I appreciate money. I welcome it into my life and use it thoughtfully and responsibly. Money moves freely through my hands—I send it out with gratitude and it returns to me multiplied, in ways that delight and inspire. Money is an agent of good, and I embrace its potential. Abundance flows to me in generous waves. I use my resources for positive aims, and I am deeply grateful for the prosperity that enriches my mind, body, and soul." - Linda Diaz

Counseling can help you lay the foundation for true financial wellness and safety. The essence of financial wellness is meeting your essential needs: food, water, clothing, rest, shelter, psychological and spiritual care, access to healthcare, educational or vocational training, and fulfilling employment. 

When safety is out of reach, social support systems—such as free community services—should be accessible until individuals and families can achieve self-sufficiency and security. If you have children and require immediate help, local Welfare Departments, faith-based organizations, and shelters can provide crucial assistance for food, rent, healthcare, or emergency funds. 

Here are practical steps to cultivate financial wellness: 

• Let go of any shame around finances 
• Create and maintain a weekly budget 
• Monitor daily spending habits 
• Build an emergency fund 
• Live within—or even below—your means 
• Open a savings account and contribute regularly 
• Strive for a debt-free lifestyle 
• Consider investing in property 
• Believe in your ability to achieve financial wellness, and take confident actions toward it 
• Refrain from resenting money or those who possess it 
• Shift your mindset about wealth and its possibilities 
• Respect and understand the value of wealth 
• Reflect on where your ideas about money, wealth, and "poverty" stem from 
• Redefine "Poverty"
• Start planning for retirement early 
• Support healthy capitalism and responsible enterprise 
• Give back—make donations and help those in need when you’re able 
• Incorporate simple pleasures—plan mini vacations and wellness experiences 
• Embrace a lifestyle of simplicity and intentional spending 

Developing financial security is a cornerstone of building wellness and independence. By bringing intention and gratitude into your approach to money, you can rewrite your financial story and foster abundance in every sense of the word. 

Let me suggest a minimalist lifestyle 

A minimalist lifestyle involves intentionality, living only with the essentials or basics, food, electric, running water, work and financial security, time to be creative, time to raise your children/stay at home parent, planning a career, etc.  

Focusing on what matters such as your children, your art, music, work, etc and not on possessions from China and other parts of the world is not living in poverty. It's being a mindful Consumer!

Decluttering your space: in your home and mind is essential in living an authentic life while embracing simplicity, reducing stress (which makes you spend less of your money on frivolous things) while increasing quality time with those you care about. 

The benefits of a minimalist lifestyle includes increased freedom, financial savings, improved mental clarity, increased time, positive impact on your like and environment. 

To be a minimalist lifestyle, start small, declutter first then organize, choose items wisely, be mindful of your spending habits, donate and/ or sell unwanted things, explore what minimalism means for you and keep in mind how you have been taught to define "poverty".   

❤Study and Recognize to Be a Change Maker

The Language Ladder: From Euphemism to Clarity

Step 1: Euphemism

• “Underserved neighborhoods”
• “Disadvantaged areas”
• “Community tensions”
• “At‑risk youth”

These soften harm, making it sound like policy jargon instead of lived reality.

Step 2: Reduction of Reality

• Harm feels minimized.
• Communities doubt their own experience.
• Alienation deepens because truth is hidden.

Step 3: Gaslighting

• Institutions imply: “It’s not as bad as you think.”
• Reality testing is compromised.
• People begin to question their own truth.

Step 4: Clear Naming

• “Slums”
• “Gang violence”
• “Corruption”
• “Alienation”

Plain words restore reality, resist gaslighting, and affirm dignity.

Step 5: Reclaiming Belonging

• Communities say: “We name harm clearly.”
• Truth becomes the foundation for healing.
• Belonging grows when reality is honored.

❤ Frugal Living: The Little Way with Ina Cecilia / Catholic Inspiration 

❤ Want to Build Wealth? Tune in to “Avoid These Money Mistakes” featuring Naftali Horowitz (Kosher Money, Episode #2). 

❤ 

Discover “13 Smart Lessons from Your Favorite Jewish Grandma” on Living Lchalm. 

❤ For homemaking on a budget and inspiration for low-income households, explore Mountain Mama’s Home: Keeper of the Low Income Home. 

❤ Don't be afraid of money, David and John Auten-Scheider @debtfreeguys

❤ 7 signs of a "poverty mentality, by Tinashe Peter 

❤ How to finally be free from poverty, by Myron Golden 

❤ How they programmed you to be poor, by Myron Golden

❤ Money trauma : How to heal your poverty mindset, Jordan Thornton

❤ Money and God: The Jewish mindset that will change how you see money,  Rabbi Shais Taub 

❤ Why poor people Stay Poor (poverty mindset explained), by Kayla Burke

Addiction is the condition in which a person becomes dependent on a particular substance and/or activity and/or failure and/or other person's mind control-Alienation.

There are numerous reasons why individuals turn to substances or certain behaviors for relief. Some of the most common include:

· Escaping trauma and effects such as alienation trauma, domestic violence, or child abuse

· Coping with pain and grief

· Seeking pleasure and euphoria

· Peer pressure and social influences

· Managing mental distress or illness

· Curiosity and experimentation, sometimes encouraged or accepted by society

· Genetic and biological factors

· Lack of guidance or education

· Dealing with aging and life transitions

Many substances and behaviors can become addictive and harmful, including:

· Prescription drugs

· Street drugs

· Alcohol

· Virtue Signaling (all talk and no action)

· Cigarettes and vaping

· Hallucinogens

· Self Injurious behavior

· Marijuana

· Exercise

· Illegal behavior 

· gambling

· Activism, violence, or hatred

· Athletics 

· Illegal behavior

· Gambling

· People Pleasing

· behaviors such as sex, pornography, or fantasy

How can addiction be identified?

Indicators may consist of impaired self-regulation, recurrent engagement in harmful or maladaptive behaviors despite available alternatives, progressive increases in substance or alcohol use, development of tolerance, and the manifestation of withdrawal symptoms when abstaining from the substance or activity.

Relapse Prevention

· Seek guidance or support from your higher power, faith, or spiritual practices.

· Prepare an emergency contact list of trusted individuals and safe locations, including your sponsor and counselor, to reach out to when necessary.

· Identify personal triggers, such as past experiences of childhood abuse or parental alienation.

· Practice breathing techniques or mindfulness meditation to promote emotional regulation.

· Engage in self-care activities, for example, spending time in nature, staying hydrated, praying, or expressing creativity through drawing.

· Get therapy with an educated therapist who understands addiction, attachment and alienation (negative voices who want you to fail)

WATCH 3 Blocks to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery (w/advise for the therapist), by Richard Grannon

WATCH The Cure Complex: How treatment systems keep people trapped in cycles of dependency, by John Medina Jr, Represent Justice 

WATCH What's Wrong with Marijuana? 5 minute videos w/ PragerU and Dr. Drew 

Father and son said, "Attending therapy helped us feel as if we had built a kaleidoscope as the animals and insects in the story had done after the storm. 

We have picked up the pieces of broken glass, built our kaleidoscope and saw a new way to care for ourselves by attending another school which encouraged success (many schools deliberately encourage failure for more gov money and to create dependency on gov resources throughout your life), nonviolence (as opposed to encouraging and ignoring violence, bullying and hatred) and respect for parental rights (not creating parental and family alienation) and help to see opportunities to move on with our lives."  

-Grady and Jamal

I realized in therapy, "I may be wounded like the wounded yellow butterfly, but I too can still fly even after the domestic and sexual abuse. I found that once I redefined the language that kept me stuck in the Self Blame/Guilt and Shame Cycle after abuse,  I was able to heal and protect myself.  I stopped believing I was 'guilty' for a crime I did not commit.  I learned to redefine the term 'guilt' as a legal term reserved for the perpetrator of abuse or a crime and not about me at all. 

I began to understand trauma bonding/Stockholm Syndrome and Narcissistic abuse and how this affected me, made me defend and return to my abuser. I also learned to use a Venn Diagram to show when a problem is mine, when a problem belongs to someone else, and when a problem belongs to me and another person. 

After learning whose problem it was, I was able to defend and protect myself and my children by calling the police.  I had been afraid my abuser would act out toward the police too and go to jail and it would be my fault, if my abuser got hurt or went to jail.  In reality everyone is responsible for themselves and the consequences that follow." - Anya

"Therapy helped me find peace and love living in two homes just like the butterfly, the animals and insects rebuilt and found peace in their garden." -Rachel

"Losing my pet was like going through the terrible storm like in the story, The Wounded Yellow Butterfly.  But I feel better today. Therapy helped me through the sad days and to remember the happy days just like the garden insects and animals remembered things in the past and look to the future." - Christina 

"Through therapy, I discovered I am worthy of love and possess an inherent value, no matter what I endured in my childhood. Despite neglect and abuse at the hands of both my parents, who chose not to pursue their own healing, I learned to extend forgiveness. 

Today, I am surrounded by a new family, and each morning feels like a fresh beginning—much like the tranquil garden where a once-wounded yellow butterfly finds solace among rainbow-hued butterflies and the nurturing bird family. Like that butterfly, I have been granted a second chance at life." – Tommy 

"Therapy helped me understand that my grief was rooted, at least in part, in the profound pain of my adoption. My name was changed and, over time, I was separated from my biological mother and family due to extreme poverty, although financial sponsorship would have kept the family together. 

The bond I shared with my mother was gradually eroded, yet I could not stop expressing, 'I love my mother and want to return to her.' My hope burns bright that one day I will find her and return. I share my journey in the hope that it resonates with others who, like me, wish to rebuild after loss—just as the animals and insects did after weathering a terrible storm." – Jada 

"Counseling offered me the space to voice my sorrow and anger about my adoption, and to express the conviction that I could have remained with my mother if she had been supported instead of abandoned simply because she was poor. Rather than provide her the means to become self-sufficient and provide temporary financial sponsorship, the world forced her to give me up so that I might survive and not starve. 

I found it deeply painful when my Indian name was taken from me, and when my adoptive parents 'granted permission' for me to reconnect with my biological mother, believing it a favor. Now, I am reunited with my original family, just as the creatures of the garden found each other after the storm. I have reclaimed my Indigenous name and, with it, my sense of self." – Zyana 

Testimony from the Central Latin American and other countries, mothers in counseling revealed that over the last three (3) decades or more numerous infants and children have been kidnapped, sold for body organs, or placed up for adoptions  for profit as the government's looked the other way. Several communities have taken up arms against anyone including police from entering towns to prevent kidnappings and illegal adoptions.

Listen to The Unacknowledged Grief and Adoption by The Ollie Foundation. 

Watch Supreme Court Favors Law That Keeps Native American Children..., ABC News. 

Watch Supreme Court Preserves Indian Child Welfare Act, 9News. 

Therapy taught me how to feel safe once more. My name is Manuel, and I want to share my journey with you. I come from Guatemala, a place (like many Central American countries) where violence and fear shadowed our every step. My family was forced to flee after relentless threats from gang members who controlled the towns where my parents worked. They forbade my parents from traveling to their jobs, and one day, they came to our home and beat my brother and me. We loved our home and country but feared the violence we could not defend ourselves from. 

The attack left me with a brain injury. I remember walking to the store and sometimes seeing lifeless bodies strewn on the ground. Even the police were paralyzed by fear; they often couldn’t, or wouldn’t, protect us. 

In Guatemala, gangs kill judges, police officers, and their families. Corrupt politicians imprisoned members of the opposition, tarnish their reputations, and attack their loved ones to force them from politics. Many of those jailed are good people longing for a better, more democratic country away from violence. 

In 2017, at the Mexico–US border, my father and I were torn apart. I was taken from his arms and placed in a van, then brought to a stranger’s house. I couldn’t eat or sleep. Nightmares haunted me: reliving the moment I was separated from my father. For months, I lived in that strange's home with little food and only a thin blanket for warmth. The people there often shouted at me to stop crying. 

Eventually, after so long apart, I began to believe my foster parents were my real family. The strangers told me my father was dead. I didn’t know the truth: he was in jail for crossing the border with me. After months, we were reunited, but both of us had to spend more time in jail together. When I saw him, I didn’t recognize him—I couldn’t believe he was my father. Only after being shown photos of my family, my old toys, and clothes did the memories start to return. 

In counseling, I learned about Stockholm Syndrome—the way trauma had made me believe things that weren’t real. Slowly, my true memories came back, and I recalled my life before being separated at the border. 

Afterwards, I was haunted by fear. I would scream and cry at the sight of the police, hide behind cars, or try to run away from my father. School was another struggle: I couldn’t concentrate and was often sent home during crying spells. Older boys bullied and isolated me, both at school and at the shelter where I stayed before foster care. Fear and sadness weighed on me constantly. I no longer knew how to defend myself. 

Yet today, my family and I are safer and happier, though we can never erase the scars of the past and understand the risks of entering the US border illegally. We have forgiven those who hurt us. Now, we deeply respect the police in our new town—people who truly risk their lives for others, so unlike what we knew in Guatemala, We pray that all police officers find the courage to stand up to violence. 

We are determined to leave the past behind and look to the future, hopeful for a safer, and brighter life as Americans. —Manuel