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Welcome
Linda Diaz-Murphy
Full Circle Mediation & Counseling Center
800 Catalpa Ave., #102,
Teaneck, NJ
188 Breakneck Rd., #204
Highland Lakes, NJ
What is Therapy? Who Am I? Safe Place & Your Healing Journey
Linda Diaz-Murphy, LPC, RPT, CTTS, TF-CBT, LCADC
In my approach, I focus on providing short-term, goal-oriented therapeutic interventions that are tailored to everyone. This means I work collaboratively with clients to address their unique needs, whether they are navigating periods of transition, seeking clarity, or coping with distressing life events. My philosophy emphasizes the power of focused, meaningful sessions to inspire real change and foster resilience.
I have a thriving and independent counseling practice offering outpatient, individualized psychological care. My services address a range of mental health issues for children, teens, and adults, using both traditional and open perspectives. I provide individual, family, and couples therapy. For couples therapy, a prerequisite is at least two years of individual counseling for each partner.
What is Therapy?
Therapy provides an opportunity to explore personal challenges, develop coping strategies, and work towards positive change. It can involve processing past experiences, addressing trauma or loss, and planning for the future. Therapy supports individuals in understanding themselves better and making informed decisions about their well-being. As described by Alice Miller in The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self, therapy allows people the freedom to experience spontaneous feelings.
The concept of "full circle" in therapy refers to the cyclical nature of personal development, where individuals may revisit previous states of mind or emotions as part of the healing process.
Engaging in therapy can help identify sources of distress and work towards establishing a more manageable lifestyle. The goal is to find practical solutions, foster hope, and support authentic living.
For guidance on identifying safe and appropriate therapy practices, refer to "Watch Out for Red Flags in Abusive Therapy" by Amy Nordhues.
Professional Background
I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and Registered Play Therapist in New Jersey. My certifications include Cognitive Behavioral-Trauma Focused Play Therapy, Trauma Counseling, Sandplay Therapy, and Reunification Therapy. I have expertise in psychological abuse recovery, domestic violence, financial abuse, activist burnout counseling, and identity exploration counseling.
My academic background includes a BA in Philosophy with a focus on Peace and Social Justice, Nonviolent Feminism, and Reproductive Technology from St. Peter’s Jesuit College in Jersey City, as well as an MA from New Jersey City University. I have also completed over 300 hours of personal therapy to enhance my professional competence.
I practice culturally competent therapy, which prioritizes reducing suffering and promoting respect, dignity, equality, and compassion for people of all backgrounds, including different races, classes, ethnicities, religions, ages, genders, sexual orientations, and those in various stages of gender transition or de-transition.
My professional experience includes providing trauma and grief counseling to children and families affected by separation at the American borders, supporting them through reunification and related stressors. Each individual's experiences are acknowledged and supported throughout the therapeutic process.
I have visited Puerto Rico, the homeland of my family, to share my book, The Wounded Yellow Butterfly and La Mariposa Amarilla Herida, with children whose lives were forever changed by Hurricane Maria. There, I offered grief counseling to those young ones, witnessing firsthand the devastation—a hurricane that claimed nearly 90 lives, stripped the rain forest, and destroyed countless homes. Yet, the spirit of Puerto Rico endures; its people have weathered storms for centuries and remain remarkably resilient.
To help in healing, I donated my books—The Wounded Yellow Butterfly and La Mariposa Amarilla Herida—to survivors of natural disasters in Puerto Rico, as well as in North Carolina, Texas, South Carolina, and New Jersey. I have also given books to the families of police officers lost in the line of duty and to children grieving loved ones lost to community violence.
The inspiration for The Wounded Yellow Butterfly came from many places: a real yellow butterfly, injured but determined, fluttering in my garden, and the courageous children and families who have let me be part of their healing journeys. My own family's flight from Fascist Spain and Communist Cuba, in search of political, financial, and religious freedom—and above all, of safety—also shaped my work. The violence and suffering wrought by Fascists, Anarchists, and Communists alike in Spain and Cuba—cruelty, abuse, and loss—deepened my commitment to peace and empathy.
Now, having been married for over 45 years to Brian, a retired police officer and my loving husband, I am a proud mother of two daughters and grandmother. I continue my work as an author of children's books, as well as a photographer and artist, striving always to sow hope.
I wish PEACE for ALL, Linda
Safe Place
The focus of therapy is to help children, teens and adults become aware of their inner strengths to help each individual grow from their struggles, heal from their pain, and move forward to where individuals want to be in their lives. To achieve this, each person is provided a neutral, safe space where trust can develop and healing can begin.
Your Healing Journey
I will be there for you every step of your healing journey. Your journey may include feeling safe again, identifying and expressing your feelings, sharing your strengths and learning new coping skills, telling your personal story, and making closer connections with others.
Virtual counseling services available
I know how important it is to offer office, virtual, texting, and phone counseling. I offer choices.
Therapy for Children, Teens, Adults and Families
Sand Play Therapy
Depression, fear, and anxiety are some of the most common and uncomfortable emotions that children, teens and adults may experience at some point in their lives. Through sand play therapy, children, teens and adults may recover motivation, perspective, and joy that they once had in their lives.
Trauma Focused:Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Many children and teens can experience symptoms associated with painful and traumatic circumstances. Anxiety, fear, and hopelessness are a few emotions that can linger after traumatic events. Children and teens can overcome these symptoms and helped with caring guidance through the process of grief and healing.
Family and Couples Counseling
Family counseling can be beneficial to all members in the
family looking to strengthen their emotional connections.
Therapy sessions are held with family members in a supportive environment
to discuss issues and solutions to better relate to one another.
Couples Counseling helps to understand the process of grief, forgiveness ( a choice)and reconciliation (optional) after a betrayal.
The elements of reconciliation includes a sincere
examination of conscience, honesty, and reparations.
To understand the choices that can build or destroy loving relationships, read "Boundaries in Marriage" by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend.
The Mend Project helps couples, as well as counselors & therapists who help them by providing healing for all those touched by undue conflict and professional training and support. Reach out to begin healing.
The Mend Project - Helping Victims Of Abuse
The Mend Projecthttps://www.themendproject.com
Grief is what a person experiences after a loss or trauma.
Loss, Trauma, Grief and Healing Defined
LOSS is the inability to access a loved one.
TRAUMA arises from life-threatening or overwhelming events.
GRIEF follows loss or trauma.
HEALING means moving beyond suffering, integrating pain, and affirming spiritual values. Healing is a personal choice.
"...suffering is a kind of mud to help the lotus flower of happiness grow. There can be no lotus flower without the mud."
(Thich Nhat Hanh, No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Suffering).
Symptoms
At first, children, adolescents, and adults alike may find themselves stunned or disbelieving, as if reality itself has fractured. In the aftermath of a tragic event or loss, it can feel impossible to function normally at home, work, or school. Overwhelming waves of fear, anxiety, or depression may rise, disrupting our ability to connect with others and pulling us into isolation. Haunting recollections, nightmares, and intrusive flashbacks can invade, prompting us to steer clear of anything that might conjure memories of what happened. Sometimes we regress, or act in ways that feel foreign to ourselves. Our bodies may join the chorus of distress, bringing fatigue, hypersensitivity, difficulty focusing, a pounding heart,
restlessness and irritability, unexplained aches,
taut muscles, queasiness, and persistent headaches.
Loss or trauma can cast a shadow of hopelessness, making life seem meaningless. The question “Why did this happen to me?” may echo endlessly.
We are all creatures of habit, longing for consistency, seeking to understand and control the world we inhabit. When tragedy strikes, the need for answers—“Why?”—is both natural and profound.
Recovery, however, is rarely swift. Healing unfolds in its own time—over weeks, months, sometimes even years. Each person’s journey is unique, and the pace at which one heals deserves honor and respect.
HOPE
"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces,
I would still plant my apple tree."- Martin Luther
Counseling provides a safe environment to promote healing, support emotional expression and coping, facilitate sharing of personal experiences, and foster reconnection with others.
Individuals may experience grief as a result of trauma or loss, including the death of a spouse, estrangement from loved ones, significant lifestyle changes, betrayal, or divorce. Traumatic events may encompass natural or human-made disasters, alienation from family members, domestic violence, environmental hazards, genocide, civil conflict, riots, bullying, destruction of property, displacement due to disaster, crime, sexual assault, abortion, discrimination, racism, physical assault, kidnapping, human trafficking, antisemitism, child abduction by extremist groups, experiences involving unaccompanied minors, and other traumatic circumstances.
Based on professional experience and client reports, individuals healing from trauma or loss often present the following stages and symptoms of grief:
Stage 1: Possible Symptoms
- Shock, feelings of being shattered, denial, fear, compromised sense of safety, confusion
Stage 2: Possible Symptoms
- Sorrow
- Anger
- Hopelessness
- Rage
- Anxiety
- Guilt
- Shame
- Disconnection
- Self-blame
- Mood swings
- Confusion
- Poor concentration
- Dissociation
- Fantasizing
- Engagement in defense mechanisms
- Sleep and appetite disturbances
- Defiance, aggression, and other maladaptive behaviors
Stage 3: Associated Symptoms
- Difficulty making sense of the traumatic event or disrupted lifestyle
Stage 4: Associated Symptoms
- Intrusive memories of the traumatic event
- Physiological responses such as sweating and heart palpitations
- Avoidance of reminders associated with the trauma
- Panic attacks
- Reduced interest in previously enjoyed activities
- Feelings of abnormality
- Physical pain and/or disability
Somatic Symptoms
To gain further insight into somatic manifestations of trauma, refer to "The Body Never Lies" by Alice Miller, a renowned psychoanalyst who examined the long-term effects of childhood abuse on adult health. She described how both physical and psychological trauma or loss can contribute to adult illnesses.
Stage 5: Recovery
- Acceptance
- Enhanced coping skills
- Development of courage
- Forgiveness where appropriate
- Acknowledgment of the loss and cultivation of empathy for oneself and others
- Emergence of hope
- Rebuilding
- Resilience and renewed courage
- Perspective transformation regarding the loss
- Remembrance of past events
- Acceptance and reintegration into present life with renewed safety
- Social reconnection
- Future orientation
- Pursuit of joy
- Restoration of normalcy
- Capacity to give and receive love
- Reconciliation where safe and possible
- Ongoing healing
- Adoption of healthier coping mechanisms
Stage 6: Real Hope
- Return to or start new relationships
- begin or return to creativity
- begin to trust again
- forgive and/ or reconciliation
- Return to God or higher power
- stop feeling guilty
- self love
"The Wounded Yellow Butterfly" is a recommended resource for both children and adults seeking to understand the process of grief, come to terms with loss, and facilitate healing. This narrative supports individuals after challenging events such as divorce, bereavement, loss of a pet, or other traumatic experiences, including public health crises or natural disasters.
It is important to note that perspectives vary regarding the grieving process and the number of recognized grief stages. The most widely referenced model identifies six stages of grief: the initial five introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, and a sixth stage—"Hope"—added by Kenneth Doka. David Kessler further posits that meaning and purpose are found in this final stage.
In Viktor Frankl’s work Man’s Search for Meaning, he articulates his experiences in a Nazi concentration camp and his subsequent realization of life's purpose and hope even under extreme adversity.
Grieving After Domestic Violence and Narcissistic Abuse
Education is recognized as a crucial component in the recovery process from psychological trauma arising from domestic violence or narcissistic abuse. Increasing knowledge and understanding constitutes an integral part of the healing journey.
Life Issues
PARENTHOOD: "YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE!"
Exploring Identity: A Journey Toward Self-Understanding
Exploring Identity: A Journey Toward Self-Understanding
Counseling will help define your parental role, find comfort, support & confidence with the choices you make. Choosing Motherhood or Fatherhood over a career is empowering for the whole family. Opting to prioritize parenthood over a professional career can significantly empower families by fostering strong familial bonds, reducing financial and work-related stress, and enhancing mental health. Adopting a minimalist lifestyle and raising a family within or below one's financial means supports balance and stability. Options such as homeschooling and further education are available to support this lifestyle. The early years of a child's development are critical, and it is advocated that extended parental leave or supplemental government support for stay-at-home parents caring for young children be provided to enhance child well-being and family choice.
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For more on finances, read Dave Ramsey, "budget percentages explained (2021 edition),"
May 30, 2021 and other valuable budgeting information.
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Read Dr. Cloud's book on "Raising Great Kids"
and other books on "children and boundaries".
Check out Homeschooling resources. If you are fortunate enough to live in a politically free and wealthy country such as the USA, then you have choices and infinite opportunities.
As you make family choices such as homeschooling, going to work and having a career, being a stay at home mother and/or father, it is helpful to think that in life, "YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL,
BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE!"
Exploring Identity: A Journey Toward Self-Understanding
Exploring Identity: A Journey Toward Self-Understanding
Exploring Identity: A Journey Toward Self-Understanding
Guidance and Support for Personal Discovery
Identity exploration counseling offers you the opportunity to delve into your true self, fostering a deeper understanding and a sense of wholeness. If you find yourself pondering, “Who am I?”—let’s open that conversation together.
Each of us holds within a core identity waiting to be revealed. This core forms the bedrock of your being: the values that reside deep within, shaping your capacity to love and be loved. Broadly, identity encompasses the tapestry of memories, experiences, relationships, and values that collectively forge your sense of self. This amalgamation provides a steady foundation—an enduring thread of who you are—even as you grow and add new dimensions to your identity over time (Psychology Today, Identity Self-Image, Self Concept).
Renowned developmental psychologist Erik Erikson asserted that “identity formation is most acute during adolescence, but the process doesn’t stop after the teen years.” Through his theory of life’s stages, Erikson introduced the pivotal concept of the “identity crisis,” illustrating that self-discovery is a lifelong pursuit. His own journey through these questions led to his Pulitzer Prize-winning work, Gandhi’s Truth (1969), which charts Gandhi’s later-life exploration of identity.
Social identity encompasses aspects such as race, ethnicity, gender, sex, socioeconomic background, sexual orientation, age, religion or spirituality, nationality, and both visible and invisible abilities or disabilities. Challenges or anxieties around social identity may arise from major life transitions, historical trauma, isolation, depression, alienation, developmental stage, or other stressors.
It is both inappropriate and hurtful to highlight another person’s social identity or distinguishing characteristics—such as race, ethnicity, gender, sex, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, religion, national origin, or abilities—especially when done in a prejudiced or exclusionary manner. When someone wishes to discuss any aspect of their social identity, that choice is theirs alone to make.
If you ever feel pressured to disclose your religion, last name, gender, or any other facet of your identity, remember: you have the right to step away from that conversation.
Gender identity is a meaningful and integral part of who we are. Whether you are exploring, questioning, transitioning, or de-transitioning, I am here to offer compassionate counseling and support on your journey.
My book I Want To Be Just Like My Daddy is a respectful way to support gender identity development. 10 % of the proceeds will be used to buy my book for another child and family.
ENGLISH COPY of I Want To Be Just Like My Daddy TO PURCHASE
<iframe width="450" height="335" src="https://www.bookemon.com/book-embed/982125/want-to-be-just-like-my-daddy" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
SPANISH COPY of Quero Ser Como Mi Papa TO PURCHASE
<iframe width="450" height="335" src="https://www.bookemon.com/book-embed/977053/quiero-ser-como-mi-pap%C3%A1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Legal and Support Resources for Gender-Affirming Care and Youth Protection
If you are seeking legal information regarding transgender treatment, or if you are seeking such treatment for yourself, the following resources may be helpful:
Legal Notices:
- https://www.camft.org/Resources/Legal-Articles/Chronological-Article-List/affirming-care
- DOJ Commercial Vendors: See the Order Regarding Section 4 of Executive Order 14187, which addresses the protection of children regarding medical procedures.
- Parental Support and Advocacy: For articles and resources on racism, discrimination, and legal issues concerning gender-affirming care for minors, contact the Foundation Against Intolerance and Racism (FAIR) – Montclair NJ Chapter.
- Self-Acceptance and Identity: “We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves.” (The Adult Children of Alcoholics Promises) and “Self Awareness: Understanding Your Core Identity. Who Are You at the Core?” by Wacuka Stephen
- Further Learning and Policy Information: Watch the House Judiciary Subcommittee Hearings on gender-affirming surgeries for minors and policy discussions (July 27, 2023, and July 19, 2023).
- Read “Gender Ideology and Medical Experiment on Our Children” by Miriam Grossman.
- Support for Homeless and LGBTQ+ Youth: Support organizations like Covenant House that assist homeless youth, including homeless transgender youth and Learn more about issues facing homeless LGBT youth by reading “‘Pose’ Stars Make Poignant Plea on Behalf of Homeless LGB and T Youth.” Donations can be made to TRUE COLORS UNITED.
- Child Safety and Reporting: All children and teens deserve to feel safe and protected from harm. Exposing minors to nudity or sexual acts is illegal. If you witness inappropriate displays involving children (such as public nudity, indecent exposure, or exploitative images), it is important to document the incident and file a report with your local police department. Reports may be filed against any individual or organization involved in such conduct.
If you need further assistance or guidance on any of the above issues, please contact this office.
REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES (photo by "feminists for life org")
Exploring Identity: A Journey Toward Self-Understanding
REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES (photo by "feminists for life org")
Counseling can support individuals in making informed reproductive choices, such as whether to have children while in college, living independently, or managing with a modest income. While reproductive technologies are available, it is important to carefully consider both the mental health impacts and medical consequences before deciding to use them.
Counseling services are accessible to anyone experiencing challenges with pregnancy or needing guidance on reproductive choices, including selecting a type of birth control and determining how long to use it, along with other related considerations.
Deciding whether or not to pursue motherhood or fatherhood can also be a significant mental health matter, especially for those who find decision-making difficult or feel a
challenging adjustment after the birth of a child.
Reproductive counseling empowers individuals of all genders to make their own choices regarding abortion. It is important to know that forced abortion is illegal. No one has the right to intimidate, coerce, or force an adult into having an abortion, nor threaten or abandon someone as a means of pressure. Abuse—such as ostracism, isolation, or other forms—against
someone who chooses to continue a pregnancy is not acceptable.
Forced abortion is also a crime when committed against a minor. It is considered child abuse and is illegal. There have been cases where children and teens have reported being taken for abortions by parents or others to conceal instances of rape or incest. Any disclosure by a minor about abortion, rape, or
incest must be reported to law enforcement right away.
Consulting with a doctor is strongly advised when considering birth control or medications such as the "abortion pill," as these can have side effects and may cause reproductive or medical complications. It is also illegal and reportable to coerce anyone into using reproductive technologies against their will.
Counseling offers a confidential and compassionate environment to process the loss of a pregnancy or infant and to better understand the normal grieving and healing process. This support is available to all, regardless of gender, including
those coping with loss after an abortion.
Up to 10 free counseling sessions addressing pre- or post-pregnancy loss or abortion-related trauma are available
for those without insurance or financial means.
Please note: The birth control drug DEPO-PROVERA has been identified as potentially dangerous, particularly following unauthorized testing on minor Puerto Rican girls, which may have caused serious and sometimes irreversible
reproductive, health issues and death.
It is highly recommended to test for carcinogens in breast milk before breastfeeding, as certain toxins can accumulate in fatty breast tissue and may be transmitted to an infant,
potentially increasing cancer risk.
For counseling, guidance, or referrals to a local pregnancy center, you may contact Linda, a nonviolent feminist who advocates for nonviolent reproductive rights. Pregnancy centers can offer comprehensive assistance during pregnancy and after childbirth, including support with education, transportation, basic needs like shelter, and more for those who choose not to pursue abortion.
Counseling remains available to address these
sensitive topics with care and respect.
https://www.momsacrossamerica.com/
Contact: Feministforlife.org
Self-Care for Changemakers
REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES (photo by "feminists for life org")
Above all, do no harm—to yourself or to others
Seeking counseling can be empowering and transformative for anyone striving to confront injustice. Whether you’re affected by discrimination, family separation, hate crimes, racism, sexism, domestic violence, sexual harassment, or other forms of abuse, support is available. It’s important to recognize and address enabling behaviors—don’t turn away from injustice or excuse harmful actions.
Activist burnout or depression
Activists burnout or depression often stems from irrational thought patterns (see resources on cognitive distortions below). It can show up as anger, loss of compassion, isolation, neglecting your own well-being for the sake of a cause, or feelings of hopelessness. You might notice yourself changing your goals, withdrawing from loved ones, or focusing only on the negative aspects of society. Being vigilant about these signs can help you maintain your integrity and well-being as you work for change.
Jane Elliot's "Blue Eyes, Brown Eyes" experiment in the 1960's implemented in response to the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, demonstrates how someone can lose their way in their grief and cause harm.
The "Blue Eyes, Brown Eyes" experiment was an unethical, nonscientific response in which Jane Elliot, the fourth grade teacher made very young White children feel shame for having blue eyes and accused them of being potentially racists. She turned blue eyed children against brown eyed children to cure them. Instead, she humiliated, demoralized and terrorized all the children.
It was an experiment that should horrify us all.
Children learn love, nonviolence and justice when they are loved and not by abusing them and instilling hatred in their minds and souls. Hate and violence toward children is a criminal act. Making children hurt each other is unforgivable.
Self-Care for Changemakers
Challenging systemic injustice is exhausting work. To take care of yourself, try grounding each morning with positive affirmations, take mindful breaks to move or reflect, and reach out for peer support or therapy. Bearing witness to trauma takes its toll, and you deserve support, too.
It’s critical to distinguish between burnout and criminal behavior.
Violence—whether it’s rioting, assault, or predatory acts as in the case of Jane Elliot's "Blue Eyes, Brown Eyes" experiment cannot be justified as a symptom of burnout. If you or others are experiencing burnout or depression, seek help right away from a trusted professional.
No matter who you are, anyone can be a victim or perpetrator of abuse. Harm can be caused by people of any gender, and society’s stereotypes about who is “naturally” capable of violence can prevent accountability and healing. It’s vital to report all crimes and abuses, regardless of the perpetrator’s identity, to protect yourself and your community and to ensure justice is served.
If you have experienced harm—whether in public, at work, in your family, in school or college or your community—know that harmful individuals may seek to provoke a response that puts you at risk. The healthiest response is to avoid violence: remain nonviolent, walk away, run away and if necessary, protect children, and contact the authorities.
Self-defense
Self-defense applies when it is a reasoned response to immediate danger. Always familiarize yourself with your own state’s laws and seek support—medical, psychological, legal, and spiritual—if you have been harmed. Filing a police report could save your life or the lives of others.
If you find it hard to leave an abusive situation, you may feel guilt, shame, or fear that others will not believe you. Remember: you are never to blame, and there are people who care and resources to help you rebuild. Counseling can help you identify what safety looks like, who you can trust, and how to protect yourself and those you love.
Changing the world may seem daunting, but your small, nonviolent actions matter. You need to be like Gandhi, Dr. King, or others to make a difference—every act of compassion and refusal to ignore injustice helps to improve your family, classroom, and community. If you are struggling to find your purpose, counseling is available to support you and your nonviolent choices.
Resources for Activist Wellness
- 10 Cognitive Distortions that Cause Negative Thinking – See https://www.Very for more details.
- Left or Liberal? – 5-minute video by PragerU
- Dr. Drew: Narcissism, Cancel Culture, and Mob Destruction, Dad Saves America
- Dirty Secrets: Hidden Truth of Family Mobbing and Scapegoating by Rebecca C. Mandeville, LMFT, CCTP
- What’s the Difference Between Socialism, Fascism, and Communism? – PragerU
- Is The World Really Falling Apart, or Does It Just Feel That Way? – The New York Times, Max Fisher (2022)
SPIRITUALITY
Delving into spirituality through counseling allows individuals not only to discover their unique path, but also to make conscious choices about engaging with respected spiritual teachings and communities.
These journeys often include practices such as meditation, mindfulness, and relaxation techniques, all set within a nurturing environment that fosters peace, respect for diversity, and the freedom of personal expression. Within these safe spaces, participants are encouraged to embrace autonomy, unity, compassion, inclusivity, acceptance, forgiveness, and—when it contributes to healing—reconciliation.
Exploring the lives and wisdom of revered spiritual leaders—Jesus, Mother Teresa, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Thich Nhat Hanh, Pope John XXIII, Mahatma Gandhi, among others—offers profound lessons in love, forgiveness, courage, integrity, empowerment, humility, and the deeper dimensions of the spiritual life. Their examples illuminate the practice of self-acceptance and the extension of love to others, whether that springs from faith in God, a higher power, or a commitment to universal values.
Spirituality, at its heart, is a journey of compassion, authenticity, responsibility, and the ongoing quest for understanding and connection both within ourselves and with the world around us.
Spiritual abuse: recognizing the signs and the role of separation in healing
Spiritual abuse, also known as religious abuse, involves using spiritual or religious beliefs to hurt, scare, or control someone. It can manifest as manipulation, exploitation, enforced accountability, censorship, coercion to conform, and isolation.
Recognizing the signs of spiritual abuse
- Manipulation of beliefs: Abusers may twist religious teachings to control and manipulate others, using fear, guilt, or shame. For example, they might use scriptures out of context to justify their demands.
- Control of behavior: This can include dictating clothing, relationships, finances, parenting, or even thought processes, according to The Mend Project. A leader might tell you how to dress, who to befriend, or claim to have special divine knowledge about your life.
- Isolation and shame: Abusers often isolate victims from external support and information, creating dependence on the abuser for spiritual guidance and emotional support. They might criticize other belief systems, making the victim feel that their faith depends on adhering to the abuser's ideology. Victims may experience a chronic sense of inadequacy and shame for not living up to unrealistic expectations, leading to self-doubt and fear of abandonment.
- Fear of consequences: Victims may live in fear of spiritual or emotional harm, and even physical consequences if they don't comply with the abuser's demands. This can include threats of divine punishment, excommunication, or community rejection.
- Unrealistic expectations: Abusers may demand impossible achievements or unreasonable sacrifices, presenting them as tests of faith. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and reinforce the abuse.
- Gaslighting: This involves the abuser making the victim doubt their own perceptions and sanity, making it harder to recognize or address the abuse.
The role of separation in healing
Separation from the abuser and the abusive environment can be a crucial step in the healing process.
- Safety: Separation creates physical and emotional distance from the abuser, allowing the victim to feel safer and begin the healing process.
- Clarity: It provides space to reflect, think clearly, and evaluate the situation without the ongoing influence of the abuser, notes Dr. David Hawkins.
- Healing: Separation can help calm the nervous system and create an environment conducive to processing trauma and rebuilding a sense of self.
- Redefining spirituality: Leaving a toxic environment allows individuals to redefine their spirituality and beliefs on their own terms, seeking healthy, supportive communities or engaging in self-exploration.
Healing from spiritual abuse
- Seek therapy and counseling: Working with a trauma-informed therapist is essential for processing the emotional damage caused by spiritual abuse. Helping therapies such as CBT.
- Find a supportive community: Whether within or outside of a faith context, connecting with a healthy and supportive community that offers love and acceptance can be incredibly healing.
- Self-care and mindfulness: Engaging in self-care routines, exercise, and mindfulness practices can help regulate the nervous system and promote physical and emotional well-being.
- Reclaiming autonomy and truth-telling: One key step in recovery is recognizing the abuse, understanding its dynamics, and sharing your story with safe individuals. This can be a powerful act of reclaiming agency and challenging the abuser's control.
It is important to remember that healing is a process, not a linear journey, and it's okay to seek professional help and support. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE or text START to 88788) can provide support and resources.
For additional information, consider the following resources:
- Listen to Lisa A. Romano’s YouTube presentation, *Embracing the Validity of Our Thoughts and Feelings*.
- View *How Narcissists Spread Spiritual Disease* by The Royal We on YouTube.
- Professional counseling can offer individuals and families a supportive environment to explore concepts of safety, identify trustworthy individuals, and learn methods to protect oneself and others.
- For further understanding, view the YouTube video *What is a Cult and How Does it Work?* by Margaret Singer, published by the International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA) on October 12, 2014.
- It is also advisable to attend professional development events, such as *How to Integrate Spirituality and Psychotherapy in Clinical Practice*, presented by Donald Meichenbaum, PhD., and sponsored by CE-Go. This presentation promotes the integration of love, forgiveness, and reconciliation when appropriate.
- To gain insight into loving behaviour and the process of reconciliation, listen to Thich Nhat Hanh’s audio works, *Reconciliation* and *Transforming Suffering* (2022, Audio Buddha).
- Additionally, for a scholarly perspective on forgiveness and collective responsibility, refer to *Forgiveness and Collective Guilt Assignment to Historical Perpetrator Groups Depend on Level of Social Category Inclusiveness* by Michael Wohl and Nyla Branscombe.
- TheMendProject Https://themendproject.com › spiritual-abuse
Roots, Resilience, and Purpose: Reflections on Puerto Rican Identity
A Journey through Ancestry, Adversity, and Self-Discovery
Counseling offers us the gift of clarity—a space to illuminate our purpose amidst life's intricate tapestry. But what truly is purpose? My own search draws on the stories of family: four of my mother’s first cousins, along with countless others around the world, spent their childhoods in Puerto Rico during the 1930s and 40s, growing up in humble wooden shacks without electricity or running water.
In the decades that followed—through the 1950s, 60s, and 70s—opportunity flourished. There was a surge of jobs and a newfound sense of possibility. Many, including my relatives, ascended to financial security and enjoyed upward mobility. My great uncle Bado, their father, worked the land with devotion—cutting sugar cane and milking cows until the end of his days.
My great aunt, Tia Carmen, a proud Taino woman from Puerto Rico, embodied dedication as a stay-at-home mother who believed deeply in the healing power of counseling. She once confided in me: it was counseling that helped her unravel the threads of historical trauma and find closure after losing her parents so young—a loss that echoed in the life of my great uncle as well.
It is women like Tia Carmen, and others like mi Abuelita moved through hardship with courage, who shaped my calling as a trauma therapist and grief counselor. Of my Tia Carmen's children, three went on to become social workers, while another built a thriving beauty salon. Through her love, Tia Carmen planted within us all “the seed of purpose,” just as so many of our family did, even as they carried the burdens of history and their own scars.
When Tia Carmen and my great uncle Bado—my grandmother’s brother—married, their union was woven from love and hope. My great uncle’s roots stretched back to Spanish and French ancestors, and our family tree extends to the 1600s, when my Spanish great-great-great-great-grandparents settled in
Puerto Rico, joining immigrants from more than fifty nations.
Materially, they were “poor,” but their hearts brimmed with hope and affection. But what does it mean to be poor? Who defines poverty? If you are safe, loved, and your basic needs are met, perhaps you possess more wealth than you know.
Today, we reap the harvest of our ancestors’ labor, their endurance, their faith, and the love that sustained them through generations. Let us be grateful for the sacrifices and dreams of those who came before us. Let us find our own purpose, so that future generations may continue
to thrive and benefit from our efforts.
Puerto Rican identity weaves together countless threads. Puerto Ricans may identify as White European, Black African, Taino Indigenous, biracial, tri racial, or more, and often embrace all these facets at once. The second great wave of immigrants, over four centuries ago, brought Italians, Spaniards, Irish, and others to the island’s shores. Many arrived empty-handed. Those born in Puerto Rico like mi Abuela.
were granted land to cultivate.
Puerto Rican is a nationality, not a race or ethnicity—nor does it appear in DNA results. Within Puerto Rico are Black communities, Taino communities, and those descended from Europeans, as well as families formed by the intermingling of these backgrounds. Children of such unions may call themselves biracial, tri racial,
or multiethnic, but above all, they are Puerto Rican.
To further explore Puerto Rican culture, discover the following cultural performances and resources:
- Baile Cultura Puerto Rico – Felix Jose
- Bomba Eh Atencion Atencion – Children’s Songs
- Puerto Rico is music (children dancing bomba)
- Gíbaro de Puerto Rico – Karaskatiski – A Puro Folklore
- Bomba Puertorriqueña para tu boda
- Semana de la Puertorriqueñidad – Baile en Puerto Rico
- History of Bomba PR – Music of the Americas
And now, turning to the present: the results of the 2024 election are in! Puerto Rican voters have elected Republican Governor Jennifer Gonzalez-Colon, who has served as our senator for many years. Pride fills our hearts, along with anticipation for the possibility of
Puerto Rico becoming the 51st state of the USA.
Puerto Rico consistently ranks among the top ten happiest places in the world. True identity flourishes when we embrace every aspect of ourselves, integrating our heritage, our challenges, and our hopes. So, celebrate all that you are—embrace every thread of your story.
Financial Wellness: A Renewed Perspective Nurturing Abundance and Security
Counseling offers a safe space to examine the financial beliefs and messages you’ve inherited—beliefs that may be quietly shaping your relationship with money. By acknowledging and shifting unhelpful narratives, you open the door to greater financial wellness and a sense of security.
Allow me to share my personal financial affirmation:
"I appreciate money. I welcome it into my life and use it thoughtfully and responsibly. Money moves freely through my hands—I send it out with gratitude and it returns to me multiplied, in ways that delight and inspire. Money is an agent of good, and I embrace its potential. Abundance flows to me in generous waves. I use my resources for positive aims, and I am deeply grateful for the prosperity that enriches my mind, body, and soul." - Linda Diaz
Counseling can help you lay the foundation for true financial wellness and safety. The essence of financial wellness is meeting your essential needs: food, water, clothing, rest, shelter, psychological and spiritual care, access to healthcare, educational or vocational training, and fulfilling employment.
When safety is out of reach, social support systems—such as free community services—should be accessible until individuals and families can achieve self-sufficiency and security. If you have children and require immediate help, local Welfare Departments, faith-based organizations, and shelters can provide crucial assistance for food, rent, healthcare, or emergency funds.
Here are practical steps to cultivate financial wellness:
- Let go of any shame around finances
- Create and maintain a weekly budget
- Monitor daily spending habits
- Build an emergency fund
- Live within—or even below—your means
- Open a savings account and contribute regularly
- Strive for a debt-free lifestyle
- Consider investing in property
- Believe in your ability to achieve financial wellness, and take confident actions toward it
- Refrain from resenting money or those who possess it
- Shift your mindset about wealth and its possibilities
- Respect and understand the value of wealth
- Reflect on where your ideas about money, wealth, and "poverty" stem from
- Redefine "Poverty"
- Start planning for retirement early
- Support healthy capitalism and responsible enterprise
- Give back—make donations and help those in need when you’re able
- Incorporate simple pleasures—plan mini vacations and wellness experiences
- Embrace a lifestyle of simplicity and intentional spending
Developing financial security is a cornerstone of building wellness and independence. By bringing intention and gratitude into your approach to money, you can rewrite your financial story and foster abundance in every sense of the word.
Let me suggest a minimalist lifestyle
A minimalist lifestyle involves intentionality, living only with the essentials or basics, food, electric, running water, work and financial security, time to be creative, time to raise your children/stay at home parent, etc.
Focusing on what matters such as your children, your art, music, work, etc and not on possessions from China and other parts of the world is not living in poverty. It's being a mindful Consumer!
Decluttering your space: in your home and mind is essential in living an authentic life while embracing simplicity, reducing stress (which makes you spend less of your money on frivolous things) while increasing quality time with those you care about.
The benefits of a minimalist lifestyle includes increased freedom, financial savings, improved mental clarity, increased time, positive impact on your like and environment.
To be a minimalist lifestyle, start small, declutter first then organize, choose items wisely, be mindful of your spending habits, donate and/ or sell unwanted things, explore what minimalism means for you and keep in mind how you have been taught to define "poverty".
❤
Frugal Living: The Little Way with Ina Cecilia / Catholic Inspiration
❤
Want to Build Wealth? Tune in to “Avoid These Money Mistakes” featuring Naftali Horowitz (Kosher Money, Episode #2).
❤
Discover “13 Smart Lessons from Your Favorite Jewish Grandma” on Living Lchalm.
❤
For homemaking on a budget and inspiration for low-income households, explore Mountain Mama’s Home: Keeper of the Low Income Home.
❤ Don't be afraid of money, David and John Auten-Scheider @debtfreeguys
Addiction Recovery Counseling
Definition of Addiction
Addiction is the condition in which a person becomes dependent on a particular substance or activity.
Reasons for Addiction
There are numerous reasons why individuals turn to substances or certain behaviors for relief. Some of the most common include:
· Escaping trauma such as alienation, domestic violence, or child abuse
· Coping with pain and grief
· Seeking pleasure and euphoria
· Peer pressure and social influences
· Managing mental distress or illness
· Curiosity and experimentation, sometimes encouraged or accepted by society
· Genetic and biological factors
· Lack of guidance or education
· Dealing with aging and life transitions
Forms of Addiction
Many substances and behaviors can become addictive and harmful, including:
· Prescription drugs
· Street drugs
· Alcohol
· Cigarettes and vaping
· Hallucinogens
· Marijuana
· Exercise
· Illegal behavior
· gambling
· Activism, violence, or hatred
· Athletics
· Illegal behavior
· Gambling
· Adult behaviors such as sex, pornography, or fantasy
How can addiction be identified?
Indicators may consist of impaired self-regulation, recurrent engagement in harmful or maladaptive behaviors despite available alternatives, progressive increases in substance or alcohol use, development of tolerance, and the manifestation of withdrawal symptoms when abstaining from the substance or activity.
Relapse Prevention
· Seek guidance or support from your higher power, faith, or spiritual practices.
· Prepare an emergency contact list of trusted individuals and safe locations, including your sponsor and counselor, to reach out to when necessary.
· Identify personal triggers, such as past experiences of childhood abuse or parental alienation.
· Practice breathing techniques or mindfulness meditation to promote emotional regulation.
· Engage in self-care activities, for example, spending time in nature, staying hydrated, praying, or expressing creativity through drawing.
WATCH What's Wrong with Marijuana? 5 minute videos w/ PragerU and Dr. Drew
The FIVE Themes of Trauma Focused Play Therapy
Understanding Therapy
Therapy helps you find hope, heal from the pain and loss and find balance in your life!
#1 Safety
Therapy can help you feel safe again.
#2 Coping
Therapy can help you cope with your feelings especially your sense of loss and educate you on what happened to you and others you love so you don't condemn yourself for normal feelings and experiences and to make it unlikely to experience undue anxiety again and again.
# 3 Expressing Your Emotions and Feelings
Therapy can help you express your feelings.
#4 Connecting With Others
Therapy can help you feel closer to others.
#5 Telling Your Story
Therapy provides a safe place to tell your story.
Testimonials
School Failure & Bullying
Father and son said, "Attending therapy helped us feel as if we had built a kaleidoscope as the animals and insects in the story had done after the storm. We have picked up the pieces of broken glass, built our kaleidoscope and saw a new way to care for ourselves by attending another school which encouraged success (deliberately encouraging failure), nonviolence (as opposed to encouraging and ignoring violence, bullying and hatred) and respected my parental rights(not creating parental and family alienation) and helped us move on with our lives."
-Grady and Jamal
Sexual and Domestic Abuse
I realized in therapy, "I may be wounded like the wounded yellow butterfly, but I too can still fly even after the domestic and sexual abuse. I found that once I redefined the language that kept me stuck in the Self Blame/Guilt and Shame Cycle after abuse, I was able to heal and protect myself. I stopped believing I was 'guilty' for a crime I did not commit. I learned to redefine the term 'guilt' as a legal term reserved for the perpetrator of abuse or a crime and not about me at all.
I began to understand trauma bonding/Stockholm Syndrome and Narcissistic abuse and how this affected me, made me defend and return to my abuser. I also learned to use a Venn Diagram to show when a problem is mine, when a problem belongs to someone else, and when a problem belongs to me and another person.
After learning whose problem it was, I was able to defend and protect myself and my children by calling the police. I had been afraid my abuser would act out toward the police too and go to jail and it would be my fault, if my abuser got hurt or went to jail. In reality everyone is responsible for themselves and the consequences that follow." - Anya
Divorce
Loss of a Pet
"Therapy helped me find peace and love living in two homes just like the butterfly, the animals and insects rebuilt and found peace in their garden." -Rachel
Loss of a Pet
Loss of a Pet
"Losing my pet was like going through the terrible storm like in the story, The Wounded Yellow Butterfly. But I feel better today. Therapy helped me through the sad days and to remember the happy days just like the garden insects and animals remembered things in the past and look to the future." - Christina
Adoption and Relinquishment Trauma
"Through therapy, I discovered I am worthy of love and possess an inherent value, no matter what I endured in my childhood. Despite neglect and abuse at the hands of both my parents, who chose not to pursue their own healing, I learned to extend forgiveness.
Today, I am surrounded by a new family, and each morning feels like a fresh beginning—much like the tranquil garden where a once-wounded yellow butterfly finds solace among rainbow-hued butterflies and the nurturing bird family. Like that butterfly, I have been granted a second chance at life." – Tommy
"Therapy helped me understand that my grief was rooted, at least in part, in the profound pain of my adoption. My name was changed and, over time, I was separated from my biological mother and family.
The bond I shared with my mother was gradually eroded, yet I could not stop expressing, 'I love my mother and want to return to her.' My hope burns bright that one day I will find her and return. I share my journey in the hope that it resonates with others who, like me, wish to rebuild after loss—just as the animals and insects did after weathering a terrible storm." – Jada
"Counseling offered me the space to voice my sorrow and anger about my adoption, and to express the conviction that I could have remained with my mother if she had been supported instead of abandoned simply because she was poor. Rather than provide her the means to become self-sufficient, the world forced her to give me up so that I might survive and not starve in Guatemala.
I found it deeply painful when my Guatemalan Indian name was taken from me, and when my adoptive parents 'granted permission' for me to reconnect with my biological mother, believing it a favor. Now, I am reunited with my original family, just as the creatures of the garden found each other after the storm. I have reclaimed my Guatemalan name and, with it, my sense of self." – Zyana
Listen to The Unacknowledged Grief and Adoption by The Ollie Foundation.
Watch Supreme Court Favors Law That Keeps Native American Children..., ABC News.
Watch Supreme Court Preserves Indian Child Welfare Act, 9News.
Manuel’s Immigration Story: From Fear to Hope A Journey of Courage, Loss, and Healing
Therapy taught me how to feel safe once more. My name is Manuel, and I want to share my journey with you. I come from Guatemala, a place (like many Central American countries) where violence and fear shadowed our every step. My family was forced to flee after relentless threats from gang members who controlled the towns where my parents worked. They forbade my parents from traveling to their jobs, and one day, they came to our home and beat my brother and me.
The attack left me with a brain injury. I remember walking to the store and sometimes seeing lifeless bodies strewn on the ground. Even the police were paralyzed by fear; they often couldn’t, or wouldn’t, protect us.
In Guatemala, gangs kill judges, police officers, and their families. Corrupt politicians imprison members of the opposition, tarnish their reputations, and attack their loved ones to force them from politics. Many of those jailed are good people longing for a better, more democratic country.
In 2018, at the Mexico–US border, my father and I were torn apart. I was taken from his arms and placed in a van, then brought to a stranger’s house. I couldn’t eat or sleep. Nightmares haunted me: reliving the moment I was separated from my father. For two months, I lived in that strange home with little food and only a thin blanket for warmth. The people there often shouted at me to stop crying.
Eventually, after so long apart, I began to believe my foster parents were my real family. The strangers told me my father was dead. I didn’t know the truth: he was in jail for crossing the border with me. After two months, we were reunited, but both of us had to spend another month in jail together. When I saw him, I didn’t recognize him—I couldn’t believe he was my father. Only after being shown photos of my family, my old toys, and clothes did the memories start to return.
In counseling, I learned about Stockholm Syndrome—the way trauma had made me believe things that weren’t real. Slowly, my true memories came back, and I recalled my life before being taken at the border.
Afterwards, I was haunted by fear. I would scream and cry at the sight of the police, hide behind cars, or try to run away from my father. School was another struggle: I couldn’t concentrate and was often sent home during crying spells. Older boys bullied and isolated me, both at school and at the shelter where I stayed before foster care. Fear and sadness weighed on me constantly. I no longer knew how to defend myself.
Yet today, my family and I are safer and happier, though we can never erase the scars of the past. We have forgiven those who hurt us. Now, we deeply respect the police in our new town—people who truly risk their lives for others, so unlike what we knew in Guatemala, We pray that all police officers find the courage to stand up to wrongdoers.
We are determined to leave the past behind and look to the future, hopeful for a safer, brighter life as Americans. —Manuel
The Wounded Yellow Butterfly Book
$12.00
La Mariposa Amarillo Herido
$12.00
PEACE, JUSTICE, LOVE and CHARITY Program
THE FIVE FOUNDATIONS OF PEACE, JUSTICE, LOVE, AND CHARITY
I hold a Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy, specializing in Peace and Justice studies, including Nonviolent Feminism and Nonviolent Reproductive Technology, from St. Peter’s Jesuit College in Jersey City, New Jersey. My background is enriched by extensive training in school mediation, family, and community conflict resolution.
With over a thousand pro bono sessions conducted across schools in Bergen and Hudson Counties, I have dedicated myself to fostering peaceful resolutions. My learning journey led me to study with the Quakers at the Fellowship of Reconciliation, as well as with a diverse array of religious and secular organizations.
It is vital to recognize that reconciliation should never be pursued in cases involving sexual, physical, psychological, spiritual, or financial abuse—or any form of violence. If you are facing an ongoing abusive situation, prioritize your safety: prepare to leave, seek information about psychological abuse and domestic violence through resources such as The Mend Project and other reputable internet sites, and contact the Domestic Violence Hotline. Remove yourself from dangerous environments immediately and report all incidents to law enforcement; file complaints with the appropriate organizations or workplaces as needed.
The Peace, Justice, Love, and Charity Program upholds love and respect for all, regardless of socioeconomic status—whether poor, of modest income, working class, middle class, or affluent. We celebrate diversity, welcoming Asian, Black or African American, White, Indigenous or American Indian, Biracial, and individuals of all ethnicities and nationalities, including Hispanic, Latina, Latino, and Latinx communities.
Our embrace extends to people of every faith and those of no faith, to gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, transitioning, de-transitioning, educated and uneducated, to the unborn, people with disabilities, and all individuals—men, women, and nonbinary persons—who may become targets of discrimination, racism, bigotry, hate, or violence.
We are each members of many groups, yet always retain our individuality, full personhood, and unique potential. Free speech, political beliefs, and family values must be respected and protected.
For those wishing to understand the protection of animals and children, as well as the teaching of “Peace” to future generations, I encourage reading about the American Humane Society—a pioneering organization created to defend animals and later on their purpose included protecting all children, irrespective of race, age, gender, or background, from abuse and neglect, long before such protection became common practice.
"The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way its animals are treated." – Mahatma Gandhi
❤https://www.americanhumane.org/about-us/history
THE FIVE FOUNDATIONS OF PEACE, JUSTICE, LOVE, AND CHARITY
1. AFFIRMATION
Embrace the art of self-affirmation and cultivate a spirit of gratitude—cherishing both yourself and those around you. Express your appreciation through acts of kindness, whether by volunteering your time, offering support, or making donations to uplift others. When I invite children and adults to reflect on what fills them with gratitude, their answers are as diverse as they are heartfelt:
My wealth, my home, nourishing food, faith and spirituality, shelter, the privilege of free education, clean water, social services, medical and dental care, friends, books, school supplies, access to technology, loving parents and teachers, libraries that open new worlds, kindness, peace, just laws, protection from a caring government, meaningful work, financial stability, family, health, beloved pets, the beauty of flowers and art, music, a warm place to sleep, a solid floor and a sturdy roof, grandparents, the freedoms of living in the USA, church communities, fresh air, healthcare, cherished homelands, a palette of colors and the majesty of trees, a sense of identity, family traditions, and so much more.
Indeed, it is LOVE that keeps the world spinning.
What fills your heart with gratitude?
2. COMMUNICATION
Hone the skill of assertive, nonviolent communication—learn to express your thoughts and defend your beliefs with clarity and respect. Through thoughtful words and attentive listening, we build bridges of understanding and foster harmony in our relationships.
3. CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Seek to understand the deeper roots of conflict, recognizing that beneath every disagreement lies a tapestry of feelings and needs. Develop negotiation skills and strategies to protect yourself, while also learning to identify places, people, and things that are truly safe. With this awareness, we can transform discord into opportunities for growth and healing.
4. COOPERATION
Master the art of working together with trustworthy individuals. True cooperation flourishes only where intentions are good and hearts are safe. Remember, collaboration with those who harbor malice is neither possible nor wise. During such times, discernment becomes an act of self-respect.
5. CULTURAL APPRECIATION
Nurture a deep appreciation for the rich mosaic of human culture by gathering young and old alike to share meals, art, literature, festivals, customs, traditional attire, dance, music, stories, and cherished ways of living. By validating each other’s experiences and identities, we promote the dignity and personhood of every individual—including every unborn child, each carrying limitless promise. Genuine cultural appreciation is a balm that eases suffering and extends compassion, promoting joy, respect, hope, equality, dignity, civility, love, forgiveness, and, where it is safe, reconciliation for all.
PRAY FOR PEACE AND JUSTICE AROUND THE WORLD
Say "NO" to ANTI SEMITISM
PEACE BE WITH YOU: Reflections on Suffering and Hope & Prayers for Justice, Healing, and Peace
My prayers extend to Israelis, Palestinians and all who endure unspeakable suffering and violence at the hands of groups such as Hamas, the IRA, ETA, KKK, and other organizations bound by hatred and destructive ideologies—Fascism, Nazism, Anarchism, and Communism—that seek to strip away human dignity and silence voices through oppressive “laws” that condemn life it self, love, joy, family, religion, independence, freedom, art, therapy, music, storytelling, dance, identity and so much much more.
My heart aches especially for children across the globe suffering in isolation. I wish to shine a light on the British survivors who, for more than sixteen years, have struggled for justice. These now-adults, victims as young as ten when their ordeal began, have been wrongfully blamed for the horrors of grooming and abuse inflicted upon them by adults who persist in their crimes. Society brands these atrocities as the work of “Grooming Gangs.” Tragically, for over fifteen years and continuing today, therapists, social workers, police officers, politicians, prosecutors, and judges in the UK have too often turned away, denying support to thousands of children and forcing them into further trauma, even abortions.
If you witness a child’s suffering—if they are dismissed, called liars, or left alone—please, reach out to a lawyer on their behalf or connect with organizations that defend the vulnerable. Should authorities ignore cries for help, document everything and seek legal counsel. Remember: to confront evil is the duty of all who cherish goodness.
Read: Anti-Semitism and Its Mental Health Effects by Lisa Mustard
Watch: Grooming Gang Scandal: Why is the UK Government Responsible for This?
Watch: "Nobody Helped"—A Grooming Gang Survivor’s Agonizing Story
Watch: "These People Are Not Fit To Govern"—Kevin O’Sullivan
Watch: The Therapy Show by Lisa Mustard, “Empowering Therapists: A Training on Jewish Trauma and Anti-Semitism Response”
Listen to: Transforming Suffering by Thich Nhat Hanh and Becoming a Bodhisattva by Thich Nhat Hanh
Listen to: 5 Signs You’re Chosen by God to Bury a Narcissist’s Delusion by Jordan Peterson
Paths to Healing, Accountability, and Inclusion:Building the Beloved Community
The Importance of Healing ❤ Healing Trauma and Fostering a Beloved Community
The Beloved Community
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. described a beloved community as a group of people united to make dreams come true, to protect the unborn, to prosper, to love one another, to own property, solve problems together, hold each other accountable, expect success, and use imagination. This vision emphasizes mutual support, accountability, and collective success.
The Need for Healing and Reparations for Descendants
For descendants of those who suffered from USA slavery and segregation, the healing process may include a formal apology from the US government (an apology was given) and property reparations for descendants of USA slaves, without property and born before 1965. Additionally, descendants should have access to free psychological services, if necessary, for true healing. Reparations may include free education, property ownership, free medical, psychological and other services to descendents without financial means.
Generational trauma is not seen as genetic but as a psychological consequence passed down through experiences of child abuse, domestic violence, slavery, hatred, communism, and fascism. Such trauma can manifest in harmful behaviors, including child abuse, domestic violence, and hate crimes. Each person is responsible for seeking help, regardless of past traumas, to ensure love prevails over hate, as many individuals do, stopping the cycle of violence.
Story 1: Frank's Journey to Healing
Frank, a tall biracial man, who identifies as a Black American man, carried deep trauma into therapy. He arrived hunched and appeared older than his years, weighed down by depression and memories of childhood abuse. His mother, struggling with his light skin color, would beat him with thin branches, leaving scars that reminded Frank daily of his pain and isolation. Over time, therapy helped Frank release shame, find hope, and start his own family. While he forgave his mother and those responsible for his family's suffering, reconciliation was not possible due to the extent of the violence. Ultimately, Frank accepted his biracial identity, found peace, and was able to love his children regardless of their racial appearance.
Story 2: Jose and the Lingering Effects of Civil War
Jose, a man from Spain, sought counseling after witnessing brutality, murder, and civil war among his friends, neighbors, and family. The environment during Spain’s civil war was one of suspicion and fear, with people turning on each other to protect themselves from reputational ruin, job loss, imprisonment, torture, or death. Both communists and fascists perpetrated violence, and religious and ethnic persecution was widespread. "Silence" laws were enacted and enforced by Franco, Spains dictator until 1979. Mass graves have since been discovered in Spain, a somber reminder of a time when hate and fear dominated.
Jose’s trauma led him to demand silence from his children, even in the freedom of the USA, depriving them of open expression to shield them from imagined dangers. Manuel's children inherited his gifts of music, dance and art, but struggled with anxiety induced by Manuel's fear of torture and death, as a consequence of self expression. He could not fully recover from the loss and terror, and civil war destroyed his family, faith, and hope in humanity. Jose reflected on the missed potential for love to transform Spain and its people, recalling the message: "love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:39).
Story 3: Mia Finds Freedom
Mia, a 23 year old woman, reported that she had been a victim of sex trafficking in China since childhood, perpetrated by her mother. She described living conditions marked by sleeping on a dirt floor, limited access to food, and the necessity to beg for sustenance during her youth. Mia also disclosed being financially supported by a man who provided for her living expenses, food, accommodation, and education in exchange for sexual acts. Through ongoing counseling, Mia began to recover from her traumatic past, found employment, enrolled at another university, and achieved greater independence.
Counseling helped her identify manipulative behavior, narcissistic tendencies, and patterns of psychological abuse. She recognized shortcomings in her educational environment, including a lack of adequate support from faculty, which contributed to a hostile atmosphere during a “Sensitivity” experiential training. Mia had wanted to throw herself out of the third floor window of the prestigious university to escape her shame that had been induced when she had not taken any steps forward as other students had when asked about their " privileged life experiences".
In sessions, Mia began to reflect on students' possible reluctance to be truthful due to fear of embarrassment or shame. Counseling also helped her appreciate that all students face various challenges, such as bereavement, environmental crises, war, or financial pressures. She learned to differentiate between secrecy and privacy, as well as the value of appropriate information sharing. Ultimately, Mia concluded that suffering is a common human experience.
I want to caution against mandating sensitivity or diversity training, suggesting these may raise ethical concerns, and recommends consulting legal counsel if accused of bias or racism.
In Summary
This writing explores the importance of collective healing and reparations for communities affected by historical trauma, such as slavery, segregation, civil war and imposed starvation by the Chinese Dictatorship. Through personal stories of individuals like Frank, Jose, and Mia, it illustrates how generational and cultural wounds manifest in personal suffering and the challenges of recovery. The text advocates for compassion, accountability, and justice, emphasizing that true healing requires acknowledgment of past harms, access to appropriate support, and the courage to foster empathy and integrity across society.
Such stories underscore that the path toward collective healing is neither linear nor simple—it requires sensitivity to the deeply personal histories that shape present realities and the courage to confront uncomfortable truths within us, our families, and our communities. Whether the wounds stem from systemic oppression, war, or personal betrayal, authentic progress arises when individuals, institutions, and societies choose compassion and justice over denial and division. As we reflect on these lived experiences, we are reminded that the drive for a more humane world depends on our willingness to listen, to empathize, and to act with integrity so that the lessons of the past are not lost but transformed into catalysts for genuine change.
Demonstrating integrity and courage in the face of wrongdoing is an expression of self-respect and regard for others. Upholding these values contributes positively to individuals, families, communities, and society.
Additional Resource
❤Read "Torture" by Malise Ruthven, to examine the erosion of human rights and basic freedoms in contemporary society, exploring complex themes where perceptions may supplant reality and misinformation can be misconstrued as truth.
❤Watch Video: "Healing Ancestral Trauma: What is Epigenetic and Why Does it Matter?" Pendle Hill, USA, December 2020, featuring Erva Baden❤ Watch Video: "How Do I Heal From Family Trauma?" by Tamara Hill, MS NCCC CCPT
❤ Further insight, consult Joe Navarro’s essay in Psychology Today, When the Narcissist Fails. Additional information on narcissistic behavioral cycles can be found in Idealize, Devalue, Discard: The Dizzying Cycle of the Narcissist at www.goodtherapy.org.
❤Atonement and Forgiveness: A New Model for Black Reparations by Roy Brooks offers valuable perspectives on accountability and justice.
❤To encourage constructive responses to historical injustice, refer to Collective Guilt Assignment to Historical Perpetrator Groups Depends on Level of Social Category Inclusiveness by Michael Wohl & Nyla Branscombe.
❤Resources on fostering loving behavior and reconciliation, listen to Reconciliation by Thich Nhat Hanh (2022, Audio Buddha).
❤In Order to Live: A North Korean Girl's Journey to Freedom, by Yeonmi Park
What Does It Take to Heal
We need to all heal from the crime of slavery and other indignities we have experienced in our own families and our lives. Similarly, I believe that individuals who were abused as a child and/or adult have a right to sue for damages (the effects of the abuse) against the state, family member, teacher, priest, and others, if psychological/physical and/or documents of evidence is provided to support the claim of torture, abuse and/or neglect and other indignities.
I also want to encourage everyone to use loving words and language and refrain from using hateful words or racial slurs. While I believe and defend free speech, demoralizing or using hateful words toward each other may breed anger, shyness, withdrawal from others, poor school performance, sense of inferiority or superiority, self-hate, hatred toward others and defensiveness which creates more division and separation from one another and worse, broken hearts, if the targets of the abuse adopt a self-hating philosophy. Hate and fear are the antithesis of inclusion and self-love.
To fight against self-depreciation, hate, angry feelings, sense of inferiority and to minimize retaliatory thoughts, follow these valuable suggestions:
First, consider expanding your social network and reducing contact with individuals who exhibit negative behavior.
Second, when faced with verbal hostility, one approach is to assert yourself or use coping strategies such as reciting affirmations like "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never harm me." Mahatma Gandhi stated during India's independence movement, "You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy my body, but you will never imprison my mind."
Third, increase your understanding of psychological abuse by consulting resources available online.
Fourth, use supportive language and recognise progress towards fostering a more inclusive and equitable society.
Fifth, incorporate hope into everyday activities.
Sixth, seek professional guidance to develop skills for addressing bullying and negativity.
Seventh, evaluate others based on their actions and character, while maintaining accountability. It is possible to practice forgiveness while still holding individuals responsible for their conduct.
Eighth, avoid making judgements about others based on physical characteristics, background, gender, socioeconomic status, education, occupation, family size, religious beliefs, political affiliation, or similar attributes.
Ninth, explore various cultures through travel, literature, and music.
Tenth, study the ten irrational cognitive distortions and consult with a qualified mental health professional who upholds ethical standards, promotes non-violence, demonstrates respect and inclusivity, and does not employ conversion therapy or coercive techniques.
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Reflections on Violence,Accountability, &Cultural Narratives
Complex Histories of Violence
Violence against men, women and children has deep roots that precede colonialism, Christianity, or any single cultural tradition. Throughout history, societies across the world have engaged in practices that inflicted harm upon children and women—sometimes as part of rituals or rites of passage. It is an oversimplification to focus blame solely on White Europeans, the church, or any particular group for the perpetuation of such abuses. Instead, a more accurate understanding acknowledges that violence has surfaced in many different contexts, cultures, and eras.
Dangers of Scapegoating and Oversimplification
Blaming one group while absolving others risks scapegoating and distracts from the larger, more difficult work of genuine accountability. Narratives built upon accusation and defense can entrench cycles of blame, obscuring the shared responsibility that all societies bear for the persistence of abuse. Reducing the complexity of history to binaries—oppressor versus victim, good versus evil—fails to capture the sprawling landscape of human experience and suffering.
Accountability Beyond Blame
True reckoning involves more than identifying perpetrators or victims; it requires a willingness to confront the uncomfortable legacies we inherit and the systems we uphold. Recognizing that atrocities have occurred across all societies does not excuse or diminish the suffering of victims. Rather, it opens a path toward a deeper, transformative responsibility—one that asks us to witness suffering honestly, challenge harmful traditions, and work to foster cultures rooted in care and justice.
The Role of Memory and Social Conditioning
Moving forward demands that we interrogate not only historical systems that permitted harm but also the ways collective memory and social conditioning inform our responses to injustice today. Avoidance, denial, or rationalization can undermine true accountability, allowing cycles of harm to persist within cultural pride or institutional loyalty.
Toward Honest Reflection and Healing
Creating conditions for authentic healing means refusing to erase or weaponize uncomfortable histories. Instead, these histories should serve as catalysts for critical reflection and transformation. The goal is not to seek purity in any tradition or to cast endless blame, but rather to foster ethical vigilance—a continual practice of examining the legacies we inherit and the responsibilities we bear, always guided by compassion, justice, and respect for the dignity of those most affected by violence and marginalization.
Summary
I am exploring the complex, global history of violence against men, women and children, arguing that such harm transcends specific cultures, religions, or eras, and warning against scapegoating any single group. It emphasizes the need for collective accountability, honest reflection, and ethical vigilance to interrupt cycles of harm. Additionally, it critiques public figures and programs perceived as perpetuating victim-blaming or failing to address root causes of violence, ultimately calling for personal responsibility and transformative change to break patterns of abuse.
Recognizing the universality of human fallibility does not mean we sidestep the pressing realities of harm and violence, nor does it absolve individuals or groups from their responsibilities in the present. Rather, it challenges us to move beyond rhetoric and defensiveness, to interrogate both our complicity and our capacity for change with candor and humility. To meaningfully confront the cycles of violence that afflict societies, we must resist the urge to weaponize pain—either by turning it into justification for further harm or by using it as a shield from honest self-assessment.
This work calls for a vigilant honesty, a refusal to let outrage cloud our discernment or let inherited grievances morph into new forms of injustice. It is only by engaging wholeheartedly with the discomfort of our shared histories and acknowledging the ways in which beliefs, institutions, and loyalties can be corrupted, that we begin to carve out a path toward a future less burdened by repetition of the past.
If you've experienced historical trauma, it's important to seek help from a qualified therapist to help you work through the trauma and develop healthy coping strategies. I offer a trauma-focused therapy to meet your unique needs.