Who Am I * Safe Place * The Healing Journey
Linda Diaz-Murphy, LPC, RPT, CTTS, TF-CBT, LCADC
I am a licensed professional counselor and a registered play therapist specializing in Trauma Focused play therapy and sand play therapy for children, teens, and adults. I am a certified sandplay therapist. I am certified in adoption counseling and Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT) for adults, teens, and children. I have my own thriving counseling practice and offer effective outpatient, individualized, psychological care. I treat a number of mental health issues and provide a neutral perspective to children, teens, and adults. I provide individual, family, and couples therapy.
I am a certified grief counselor and worked for the Victim Witness Assistance Program Office of Military Commissions, assisting 9/11 victim family members (VFM) and others who have experienced loss. I traveled with VFM to Guantanamo, Cuba and witnessed pretrial hearings for Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and 4 other alleged September 11 co-conspirators of the September 11 attacks on the Twin Towers killing and injuring over 40,000 men, women and children. These five men are accused of planning and aiding the September 11 terrorist attacks.
I am providing trauma and grief counseling to children and their families who were separated at the American borders and have since been reunited months later and suffer from traumatic stress related symptoms, trauma bonding and Stockholm Syndrome.
I have visited Puerto Rico, where my family is from and shared my book, The Wounded Yellow Butterfly and La Mariposa Amarilla Herida, with the children affected by Hurricane Maria. I provided grief counseling to children harmed by Hurricane Maria. Sadly, the hurricane killed about 90 people, wiped out the rain forest, and damaged homes and property. Puerto Ricans are resilient, surviving many storms over hundreds of years. Recovery was swift thanks to FEMA and other organizations and federal government support, the President and the people themselves.
I have donated copies of my books,The Wounded Yellow Butterfly, and La Mariposa Amarilla Herida to victims of natural disasters in Puerto Rico, North Carolina, Texas, South Carolina, and New Jersey. I have donated books to families of police officers killed in the line of duty and children who lost a family member or witnessed a police shooting and/or assault on a family member. I have donated toys and copies of my book in English and in Spanish to organizations helping children who have crossed the American Borders and children who have witnessed community violence.
I have been married for 45 years to Brian, my wonderful husband. I am a mother and grandmother. I was inspired to write The Wounded Yellow Butterfly by a real wounded yellow butterfly, the children and families who have allowed me to come along on their healing journeys and my family who emigrated to the USA from Fascist Spain and Communist Cuba seeking political freedom and safety. I have family from Argentina and France as well. In France, Argentina, Spain and Cuba, the Socialist, Anarchists and Fascists equally participated in violence against innocent people, violating their civil rights by making false accusations against the people, arresting them, torturing, raping, kidnapping, separating family members, turning neighbors against each other and finally murdering men women and children and the unborn.
Socialism and Fascism are rooted in Communism, a totalitarian system ruled by one person who is a mass murderer and an indiscriminate military that is in opposition to democracy , love and free speech. A totalitarian system that controls language, destroys your identity and "erases" you, opposes private property, and opposes financial independence and against artistic expression. Communism is marked by massive surveillance while imposing state terrorism, personality cultism, anti-LGBTQ, state control of reproduction, anti-parents, anti-motherhood, pro-abortion, pro-genocide, pro-euthanasia for the elderly, mentally ill, the unborn and children with autism and disabilities, pro-infanticide, anti-family, state control of medical and psychological decisions, anti-feeling, pro-dysfunctional thinking, anti-religion, sexists, racists, political repression, kidnapping of children, mass incarceration, starvation, torture, psychological violence, enslavement and death. It also includes an all-encompassing propaganda campaign broadcasted by the state-owned controlled mass media that turns friends against friends, neighbors against neighbors, children against parents, non-religious persons against religious persons, students against professors, Blacks against Whites, women against men and you against yourself and much more. It is a system that forbids love. It is an evil system that derives pleasure from imprisonment, torture and murder. It is a system that denies their past crimes against humanity, a system that controls the present and denies you a future with liberty and justice.
To learn more about the violence perpetrated by Fascism, Socialism and Communism watch films such as Argentina, 1985, and La Lengua de las Mariposas (Butterfly's Tongue-1999).
Our prayers are with all the people in countries dominated by communism and totalitarianism such as Russia, China, Venezuela, Cuba, India, and many more countries. To show your support for Democracy around the world, divest, don't buy products made in communist owned factories in India and other countries. Insist that the USA government do the same. It is not in our and Democracy's best interest to be dependent on those who wish to control and destroy us and others who want to live a Democratic life. While we teach our children Peace, we must also teach children to defend themselves when attacked and democracy is targeted by evil perpetrators.
❤10 free counseling sessions are available for those who have a history of political violence i.e., kidnapped and forced to be a child soldier for communists rebel groups in Nicaragua, Cuba, Venezuela, & other countries, or a victim of violence stemming from Narcissistic abuse, a gang attack or a riot or a crime committed against you, and without any means to pay for counseling services.
What is THERAPY?
Most if not all of us have experienced loss and fewer experienced trauma. Such experiences include but not limited to a betrayal, political betrayal, community violence, sexual abuse, rioting, loss of a pet, divorce, immigration barriers, water contamination, partner or family abandonment, Narcissistic Abuse, harassment or abuse at work and/or school, forced abortion, loss of a child or loved one and other painful losses. Therapy is about healing from loss and/or trauma. Therapy is about finding your own voice. Therapy is democratic. Therapy is liberating. Therapy is free speech. Therapy helps you discover your authentic self. Therapy is caring and an act of self love and love for others. Therapy is about visiting the past to free us to live in the present and plan for the future.
Therapy allows us "...the freedom to experience spontaneous feelings.” - Alice Miller The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self
Full Circle is when something "comes full circle"; it completes a cycle and returns to its beginnings. "We can go from optimism to pessimism and back to optimism again in our lives." Therapy is like this, too. It is also an “expression of the moment”. You may find these and other definitions on the Web and Webster's Dictionary.
I am listed in The National Directory of Conservative Professionals to make myself available to men, women and children who would otherwise go without counseling due to the partisanship and polarization everywhere in America. Partisanship and polarization is found during disasters, in schools, therapy rooms and many other places. Clients who call me are conservatives but do not want others to know out of fear of retaliation and do not know who to turn to for counseling. Many conservatives who may be a member of the LGB communities, TQ communities, co-workers, therapists, students in grade schools, adults in churches and synagogues, and even members within your family, may find themselves isolated, depressed, anxious or experiencing other mental health issues. Counseling and psychological magazines, articles, professional trainings and youtube videos/channels and more resources are devaluing, discarding and degrading conservatives who make up at least 50% of the American population, while counselors are a majority of 90% are non conservatives. This is not to say that non conservative professionals are all bias and violate professional ethical values.
Conservatives are our neighbors, professionals, doctors, police, nurses, teachers, parents and others. It is not ethical to discriminate and use "conversion" therapy to persuade conservative clients to be something else, to please the clinician and to impose personal political beliefs and values.
Recently, I got a call from a woman who had been gang raped but the therapist was more focused on her conservative political affiliation rather than on the trauma and healing. Another woman called to say her therapist told her she didn't have to feel grief for the loss of her unborn baby due to an abortion. and said, "Real women today don't need to cry over cells." When a therapist ignores your pain and suffering, call the licensing board to file charges of discrimination. As per our ethical guidelines, "Practitioners should maintain professional boundaries at all times and focus work on their client's treatment goals and concerns.". If the therapist is devaluing it is called psychological abuse!
During Hurricane Maria, my sister was missing for two weeks, and I reached out on Facebook to friends and family to reach her and help her. A therapist from Bergen County, New Jersey who is on numerous boards and a member of organizations; and I thought was a decent person, a friend and a fellow professional, stated on social media, to my horror, "Conservatives and President Trump are out to kill all Puerto Ricans during Hurricane Maria. They poisoned the water". Many Puerto Ricans of all political parties with personal beliefs who were victims of Hurricane Maria have horrendous and similar stories to tell. I immediately reported this "therapist" to authorities, as we should all do when someone as vicious as this person was, to make sure EVERYONE is safe, respected and treated with dignity. It is a known fact that during disasters, suicide and homicide is high due to perceived or real lack of resources.
Additional important resource to help in choosing the best therapist and therapy for yourself!
Missing From The Private Journey of Self
In Defense of Prince Harry's Hidden Hero
Debunking the Trauma Industry, by Mario Martinez, PsyD
38th International Conference on Psychiatry and Mental Health OCM, by Dr. Sam Vaknin
Abuse is Never Love (Zoe Verteramo, Indiana University), Prof. Sam Vaknin
LOOK FOR THE ❤ FOR SUGGESTED RESOURCES
Message to clients: Always check professional credentials and sources of information and make up your own mind as to what you need, feel and believe! Trust your judgement, intuition and gut feelings! Share your discrimination story with me below by emailing me.
Message to therapists: Choose love and the peaceful and ethical way. Receive clients and show respect, dignity and civility. Build trust and speak peacefully. Respond to clients in a truly professional way. Report discrimination. Listen to BECOMING A BODHISATTVA by Thich Nhat Hanh
Real cultural competency reduces suffering and is compassionate, promotes respect, dignity, civility, love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible. Learn about loving behavior and listen to "Reconciliation" by Thich Nhat Hanh, 2022 Audio Buddha and "Transforming Suffering" by Thich Nhat Hanh.
I wish you all the best, Linda
Safe Place: The Waiting Room
The focus of therapy is to help children, teens and adults become aware of their inner strengths to help each individual grow from their struggles, heal from their pain, and move forward to where individuals want to be in their lives. To achieve this, each person is provided a neutral, safe space from the start in the safe space waiting room where trust can develop and healing can begin.
The Healing Journey
I will be there for you every step of your healing journey. Your journey may include feeling safe, expressing your feelings, learning to cope with strong feelings, telling your personal story, and making closer connections with others.
Virtual counseling services available
I know how important it is to offer office, virtual, and phone counseling. I offer choices. I do not provide in my home office therapy sessions, since they are not covered by New Jersey liability or home insurance. If a therapist is providing in their home counseling ask to see their liability and home insurance to see if you are covered for mental health and physical injuries.
Grief is what a person experiences after a loss or trauma.
Initial Response to a Loss and/or a Traumatic Event
LOSS is a response to being unable to access someone or
something that is important to you.
TRAUMA is a reaction to a life threatening or overwhelming experience.
GRIEF is what a person experiences after a loss or traumatic event.
Initially children, teens and adults may feel shock or shattered.
It may seem unreal.
Symptoms
After a tragic event or loss, children, teens and adults may have trouble functioning at home, work and/or school. We may feel and/or experience fear, anxiety, or depression. We may have an inability to form or keep relationships, withdrawing from others. We may experience terrifying memories, nightmares and/or flashbacks, and may avoid things or triggers that remind us of the traumatic event. We may also regress and act out uncharacteristically. We may experience physical problems including fatigue, being startled easily, poor concentrating, racing heartbeat, edginess and agitation, aches and pains, muscle tension, nausea, and headaches.
A loss or traumatic event may cause a feeling of hopelessness or meaninglessness of life. We may ask, "Why did this happen to me?".
We all need consistency in our lives. We want to feel in control and make sense of our lives and the world around us. When something tragic happens we want to know “Why?”.
Healing may take weeks, months and even years. Each person is different and his or her healing time should be respected.
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For more information, please read more on trauma, loss and grief at The National Child Traumatic Stress Network and The Trauma Foundation for a video in several languages to help understand trauma.
Therapy Helps with Rebuilding Lives and Restoring Healthy Hope
"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree."- Martin Luther
Counseling helps you feel HOPE and safe again, to express and cope with feelings, to tell your personal stories and reconnect with others.
You may experience grief due to the loss of a spouse, a betrayal, divorce, human or natural disaster, environmental contamination, war, rioting, bullying, loss of your home, rape, abortion, discrimination, racism, assault, kidnapping, human trafficking
( kidnapped as a child to fight in the Nicaraguan revolution) and other traumatic losses.
It has been my experience and those of the men, women, and children who have or are healing from loss to report the following stages and symptoms:
Stage 1 possible symptoms
- Shock, shattered, denial, fear, not feeling safe, confusion and other feelings
Stage 2 possible symptoms
- Sorrow
- Anger
- Hopelessness
- Rage
- Anxiety
- Guilt
- Shame
- Feeling disconnected
- Self-blame
- Mood swings
- Confusion
- Poor concentration
Stage 3 associated symptoms •Struggling to make sense of the traumatic event and finding meaning in one's experience with loss
Stage 4 associated trauma symptoms
- Memories of trauma event
- Sweating, pounding heart
- Avoiding people, places and things that remind you of traumatic event
- Panic attacks
- Losing interest in life and activities you once liked
- Don't feel normal
- Physical pain and/ or disability
Stage 5 Recovery
- Acceptance
- Better coping
- Finding courage
- Forgiveness
- Acknowledgement of the loss, feeling empathy for others and self
- Feeling Hopeful
- Rebuilding
- Resilience, feeling courageous
- Having a different point of view about the loss
- Remembrance of the past
- Acceptance, a return to living again in the present with uncertainty and a sense of safety
- Connecting with others
- Looking to the future
- Living a democratic life
- Finding joy
- feeling normal again
- Finding Purpose and meaning in life
Stage 6
Finding Meaning
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Somatic Symptoms
To help understand somatic symptoms please read, "THE BODY NEVER LIES", by Alice Miller, a world-renowned psychoanalyst who was one of the first to examine the long-ranged consequences of childhood abuse on the body. She wrote how physical and psychological abuse or trauma manifests in adult illnesses.
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The Wounded Yellow Butterfly is a perfect story book for children to help understand the process of grief. This is a story that will take children on a healing journey after a traumatic or difficult experience such as a divorce, loss of a pet, the pandemic, tornado, flood, house fire, loss of a parent, and other experiences.
There are several points of view on the grieving process and the number of stages of grief. It is believed that there are 6 stages of grief.
The first 5 grief stages were introduced to us by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
The 6th stage, "Finding Meaning" is offered to us by David Kessler.
Others believe that one finds meaning and purpose in life in stage 3 while in the midst of our suffering.
In Viktor Frankl's book Man's Search for Meaning, Frankl describes his experience in a Nazi concentration camp and his discovery of his purpose or meaning in life and hope for a future despite the horrors of the Holocaust.
Grieving after Narcissistic Abuse
After Narcissistic Abuse, education is is one of the 6 stages in the healing process from psychological traumatic loss. Education is part of the healing process. For healing information, watch Narcissistic Abuse From Victim To Survivor in 6 Steps, by Prof. Sam Valnin.
Life Issues
PARENTHOOD
REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES
PARENTHOOD
Counseling will help define your role, find comfort, support & confidence with the choices you make.
Choosing Motherhood or Fatherhood over a career or being a "provider" is empowering for the whole family. Being a mother or father is a 24/7 a week responsibility, 100% undivided attention to the task of parenting.
Beware of the belief that having "no children" will "save" the world. Having a child is a leap of faith and an expression of love,
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Read Dr. Cloud's book on "Raising Great Kids" and other books on "children and boundaries".
Some positive consequences of staying home i.e., living with less, alleviate work and financial stress, improved mental health/bonding, finding balance. Raising a family below one's means or within one's means may be the ideal choice. You may want to go back to school while raising a family and help the family prepare for the future. Financial aid/free college or trade school is available for those with a modest income.
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For more on being a stay at home parent read, "5 Reasons one parent should stay at home," written by Paul Tracy, 2021; and Raising your kids on a shoestring, visit feministsforlife.org
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For more on finances, read Dave Ramsey, "budget percentages explained (2021 edition)," May 30, 2021 and other valuable budgeting information.
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Planning to HOME SCHOOL, check out TheHomeSchoolMom resource page and other resources.
If you are fortunate enough to live in a politically free and wealthy country such as the USA, then you have choices and infinite opportunities.
As you make family choices such as homeschooling, working, being a stay at home mother or father, it is helpful to think that in life,
"YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE!"
IDENTITY
REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES
PARENTHOOD
Counseling can help you understand yourself better and establish a stronger integrated self. If you are asking, "Who am I?", let's talk about it.
Not having a strong sense of self and/or struggling with identity issues such as with your religion, sexual orientation, political affiliation, gender, race, gender, ethnicity, career choice, spirituality, or other issue may lead to anxiety and insecurity. An identity crisis may occur due to a big change, age of development, or stressors in your life.
We all have a core identity to be discovered. A core identity is the essence of who you are, the values that lay deep inside you and include your ability to love and be loved.
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I Want To Be Just Like My Daddy by Linda Diaz, is a charming story about a little girl who shaves and cuts her hair short like her daddy. This beautiful book explores gender expression and gender identity, the parent and child relationship, protection and respect for a child's development.
10 % of the proceeds will be used to buy a book for another child and family.
If the book doesn't pop up, enter
I Want To Be Just Like My Daddy
in SEARCH @ bookemon or go to
https://www.bookemon.com/book_read_flip.php?book_id=934982&check
e5b0c4a6dfec804ef378744b46da99e3
When a person forces and imposes their gender view on a child, it is abuse and may be considered sexual abuse or identity abuse and should be reported to the police immediately and child protective services.
Gender identity that has not been fully developed or is in process is what predators of child trafficking look for to impose their view of what a child's identity should be.
Anyone can be a predator and groom children under he age of 18, including a teacher, parent, doctor, priest, dance teacher, people at modeling schools, your child's classmates and others. Groomers, traffickers and sexual predators offer "help" to care for a child. Groomers and predators hang out in parks, schools, playgrounds and even in Disney Parks, bathrooms, places of worship, in schools and social media.
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"We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves." -The Adult Children of Alcoholics Promises Book.
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Self Awareness: Understanding Your Core Identity. Who Are you at the Core?- Written By Wacuka Stephen
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Awakening From the Matrix of Abuse or in Spanish Despertando de la Matrix de Abuso
Youtube by Meredith Miller published 6/22/2021.
Gender Dysphoria: Real or Social Contagion? (And Detransitioning), Professor Sam Valknin.
REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES
REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES
REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES
Counseling helps you make reproductive choices including having children if you are poor or have a modest income. Counseling EMPOWERS women and men to make a choice to have children and not to abort their unborn children.
Abortion kills about 40% Black Babies, 20% Hispanic babies and 50% all other babies. Abortionists and abortion activists pit women against women, men against women and mothers against their bodies and babies.
To support women and girls and their babies, buy a "baby feet" pin or send me a friendly email and I will send you a "baby feet" charm to wear to encourage women and girls to speak up and not accept the violence inflicted on them by society, professors, doctors, family, friends, rapists and others by forcing women to have abortions.
Anyone under the age of 18 who is pregnant should be encouraged to share, if she was raped or if someone in her family committed incest. It is a crime to hide incest and rape committed against minors. As a therapist I have called authorities when parents, doctors, teachers and others hid rape and incest of a minor and forced children to have abortions. In some cases the rapists or family member hid the incest, threatening to kill the minor or abandon her. If the child recants, at least she knows she is not to blame and has been a victim and will need help when she is safe enough to seek help for herself.
Get involved and call your representatives to hold rapists and family members committing incest accountable and give them severe consequences i.e., prison sentences with a minimum of 20 years.
Having children is a message of hope! Having a modest income doesn't disqualify you from being a mother or a father! Being poor is not wrong, a crime or a sin. I knew many women including myself who raised children on a "shoestring."
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For more resources go to feministsforlife.org
Counseling provides a safe place to share the loss of a pregnancy or infant and to gain a better understanding of the normal grieving and healing process.
Counseling provides both men and women a safe place for sharing your loss after an abortion and to gain a better understanding of the normal grieving and healing process. 10 free post abortion trauma counseling sessions are being offered to those without insurance or other means to pay.
Counseling is available for men and women who are having difficulty with pregnancy which may be due to an abortion procedure, prolong use of birth control or other medical issue.
Counseling and other services are available such as Rachel's Vineyard for Post Abortion Retreats and local Pregnancy Centers for those without insurance or no other means to pay and want to keep their baby or may be considering adoption.
Speak with a counselor, your doctor and trusted friend, and trusted family member about your reproductive choices. Forced abortion is against the law and anyone, including your doctor, parent, rapist, friend, boyfriend, husband, your mother, or anyone else can force you by threatening to hurt you, abandon you, or harm you in other ways. Report all abuse to authorities.
Please call Linda at the confidential # 201-320-9907 for assistance and referral.
EMPOWERMENT
LIFE'S PURPOSE
REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES
Counseling is beneficial to everyone seeking to empower themselves and strengthen their commitment in facing injustices i.e., segregation, racism, sexism, discrimination, domestic violence, gang rape, sexual harassment, told to perform sex to keep your job or to advance in your career (leave, look for another job, tell others, file charges against perpetrators), hate crimes, violence against you for your political affiliation, accusations of sexual assault w/out due process, forced abortion, etc. You may need to explore enabling behavior and find the courage to correct injustices, not look the other way, not ignoring, not tolerating, enabling or excusing them.
Remember that anyone can be a victim or perpetrator of abuse, violence, sexual abuse, rape, trafficking, and other crimes and abuses.Women commit at least 50% of all the abuses and crimes, but are rarely held accountable due to the bias that women by nature are incapable of violence. We need to change our stereotypical view of the perpetrators of abuse and violence especially domestic violence and seriously consider that women are violent predators and choose to abuse children, other women and men. Report all crimes and abuses regardless of the perpetrator's identity and make a difference. Be the change our world needs today.
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Empowerment training is available. Please ask for more information at 201-320-9907 or by email ldiazmurphy@gmail.com.
Victims of crimes are strongly advised to seek medical, psychological, legal and spiritual support as well as filing a police report. Filing a police report may save your life and someone else's life, save a child from being sex trafficked, may prevent another woman or man from being raped, may protect your community and your family, neighbors and friends from undue violence and more. You may call this office for assistance to the police department to file a complaint and/or sexual assault charges and accompaniment to the hospital for a rape exam. Recording sexual harassment and work abuse, calling the police, walking away or removing yourself from unsafe people or a dangerous situation is also empowering and protecting yourself and others. If you do not leave a dangerous and abusive situation, you may be thinking it is your fault and to blame, others won't believe you, you will lose everything you worked for, and your family or community will turn against you. You are never to blame and there are people who care and many more opportunities for you. The abuser wants you to think that you will suffer more if you tell. If this is the case, you may be suffering with chronic guilt and/or Stockholm syndrome.
Don't believe it!
Someone will believe you.
Trust yourself!
Counseling can provide you and your loved ones a safe place to explore what being safe is, who are the safe and unsafe people, and how to keep yourself and others you love safe.
Real cultural competency reduces suffering and is compassionate, promotes respect, dignity, civility, love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible. Learn about loving behavior and listen to "Reconciliation" by Thich Nhat Hanh, 2022 Audio Buddha; also listen to "Transforming Suffering" by Thich Nhat Hanh
SPIRITUALITY
LIFE'S PURPOSE
LIFE'S PURPOSE
Counseling helps you explore your spirituality.
Join a healthy spirituality training and or group that encourages peace, calm, respect for real diversity (which includes free thought and free speech, free choice), unity, love, respect for all people, acceptance, forgiveness and reconciliation, meditation, mindfulness, and relaxation.
Read about Jesus, SisterTheresa and others to learn about love and spirituality!
It is highly recommended you ask if there are any biases when joining a spirituality group, taking a course and trainings so you can make an informed decision. Learn more about NARCISSISTIC ABUSE and cult induction to avoid unsafe people and avoid being abused and/or discriminated against for your race, nationality, ethnicity, gender, political affiliation, spirituality, religion, and more.
Spirituality is about self love and love for others, believing in God or a higher power, about compassion, love and forgiveness and much more. It is never about hate, devaluation and discarding (erasing your identity) others. If you are dealing with narcissism seek counseling immediately. Narcissism destroys your identity and your spirituality.
Counseling can provide you and your loved ones a safe place to explore what being safe is, who are the safe and unsafe people, and how to keep yourself and others you love safe.
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What is a Cult and How Does it Work? (Margaret Singer) International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA) Youtube published 10/12/2014
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Awakening From the Matrix of Abuse or in Spanish Despertando de la Matrix de Abuso
Youtube by Meredith Miller
Grieving after Narcissistic Abuse
After Narcissistic Abuse, education is is one of the 6 stages in the healing process from psychological traumatic loss. Education is part of the healing process. For healing information, watch Narcissistic Abuse From Victim To Survivor in 6 Steps, by Prof. Sam Valnin.
If you are a professional looking for spirituality trainings, I do not recommend "Spirituality and Social Work", an online post-masters certificate program at NYU due to prejudice against Spaniards (White Hispanics, White Europeans and Biracial Hispanics) who may be Christian, Jewish, Muslim and other religious people and who may have suffered violence, starvation, war and other indignities and generational trauma. It would be unethical to implement the anti-Spanish Spirituality principles of spirituality taught and published in text books and class materials by professors Dr. Nicotera and Dr. Cand, in your practice.
I highly recommend attending How to integrate Spirituality and Psychotherapy in Clinical Practice, sponsored by CE-Go and presented by Donald Meichenbaum, PhD., to promote love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible.
Learn about loving behavior and listen to "Reconciliation" by Thich Nhat Hanh, 2022 Audio Buddha; also listen to "Transforming Suffering" by Thich Nhat Hanh
To promote love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible, read Forgiveness and Collective Guilt Assignment to Historical Perpetrator Groups Depend on Level of Social Category Inclusiveness by Michael Wohl & Nyla Branscombe
Please share professional trainings and groups you think would be beneficial.
LIFE'S PURPOSE
LIFE'S PURPOSE
LIFE'S PURPOSE
Counseling can help you find clarity and purpose in life. What is your purpose in Life? Four of my mother's first cousins grew up in Puerto Rico in a wooden shack with no electricity or running water in the 1930's and 40's as did many other young people.
Gratefully, there was an explosion of jobs and many opportunities and most people experienced financial success and upward mobility in the 50', 60's and 70's. My great uncle Bado their father cut sugar cane and milked cows on their Finca until his death. My Great Tia Carmen was a Taino from Puerto Rico who was a hard working stay at home mother who believed in counseling. She once told me she went into counseling to understand her historical trauma and to find closure for the loss of her parents who died when very young as did my Great uncle's mother.
I believe she and the women in my life may be the reason I am a trauma therapist and a grief counselor. Three of my Tia Carmen's children became social workers and one became an owner of a Beauty Salon.
Tia Carmen planted "the seed of purpose" in each of us as did many if not all of my family members who suffered historical and other traumas. When Great Tia Carmen married my Great Uncle Bado, my grandmother's brother, they were in love. My great uncle was Spanish and French. My Spanish and French great, great, great, great grandparents settled in Puerto Rico in the 1600's along with people from more than 50 other countries.
They were poor but hopeful. After hundreds of years, we are reaping the benefits of their hard work, their suffering and their love, their hopefulness, and their sacrifices.
There has been an economic decline over the years because jobs and opportunities where outsourced and sent abroad to China and other Communists countries. There is also political corruption. All hurt Puerto Rico's economy.
Be grateful for what our ancestors did for us. Find your purpose to continue to help future generations reap the benefits in Puerto Rico and around the world.
FINANCIAL WELLNESS
FINANCIAL WELLNESS
FINANCIAL WELLNESS
Financial wellness
A financial wellness may include the following:
Have a weekly budget
Monitor Daily Spending
Start an Emergency Fund
Live within your means or below your means
Start a savings account
Live debt free
Invest in Property
Believe you can experience financial wellness and act on it
Don't hate money
Don't hate rich people who inherited wealth or are self-made
Change your attitude about money
Understand and respect wealth
Explore the source of your beliefs about money, wealth, poverty,
Start a retirement plan
Make donations/give back to those who are truly in need
Plan vacations and wellness experiences
Learning to be financially secure is necessary to achieve financial wellness. In therapy, you can explore messages you received about money, poverty, wealth, rich people, etc, and change those beliefs that keep you from achieving financial wellness.
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https://www.ramseysolutions.com
Financial Counseling & Nonprofit Consumer Credit Consumer Counseling
Wanna Build Wealth? Avoid these money mistakes (feat. Naftali Horowitz) Kosher Money episode 2
Therapy for Children, Teens, Adults and Families
Sand Play Therapy
Depression, fear, and anxiety are some of the most common and uncomfortable emotions that children, teens and adults may experience at some point in their lives. Through sand play therapy, children, teens and adults may recover motivation, perspective, and joy that they once had in their lives.
Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Play Therapy
Many children and teens can experience symptoms associated with painful and traumatic circumstances. Anxiety, fear, and hopelessness are a few emotions that can linger after traumatic events. Children and teens can overcome these symptoms and helped with caring guidance through the process of grief and healing.
Family and Couples Counseling
Family counseling can be beneficial to all members in the family looking to strengthen their emotional connections. Therapy sessions are held with family members in a supportive environment to discuss issues and solutions to better relate to one another.
Couples Counseling helps to understand the process of grief, forgiveness and reconciliation (optional) after a betrayal. The elements of reconciliation includes a sincere examination of conscience, honesty, reparations and forgiveness.
To understand the choices that can build or destroy loving relationships, read "Boundaries in Marriage" by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend.
The Five Themes of Trauma Focused Play Therapy
Understanding Therapy
Therapy helps you find hope and balance in your life!
#1 Safety
Therapy can help you feel safe again.
#2 Coping
Therapy can help you cope with your loss.
#3 Expressing Your Feelings
Therapy can help you express your feelings.
#4 Connecting With Others
Therapy can help you feel closer to others.
#5 Telling Your Story
Therapy provides a safe place to tell your story.
Testimonials
School Failure & Bullying
School Failure & Bullying
School Failure & Bullying
Father and son said, "Attending therapy helped us feel as if we had built a kaleidoscope as the animals and insects in the story had done after the storm. We have picked up the pieces of broken glass, built our kaleidoscope and saw a new way to care for ourselves by attending another school which encouraged success (not failure) and nonviolence (not violence) helped us move on with our lives."
-Grady and Jamal
Sexual and Domestic Abuse
School Failure & Bullying
School Failure & Bullying
I realized in therapy, "I may be wounded like the wounded yellow butterfly, but I too can still fly even after the domestic and sexual abuse. I found that once I redefined the language that kept me stuck in the Self Blame/Guilt and Shame Cycle after abuse, I was able to heal and protect myself. I stopped believing I was 'guilty' for a crime I did not commit. I learned to redefine the term 'guilt' as a legal term reserved for the perpetrator of abuse or a crime and not about me at all. I began to understand trauma bonding and Stockholm Syndrome and how this affected me, made me defend and return to my abuser. I also learned to use a Venn Diagram to show when a problem is mine, when a problem belongs to someone else, and when a problem belongs to me and another person. After learning whose problem it is, I was able to defend and protect myself and my children by calling the police. I was afraid my abuser would act out toward the police too and go to jail and it would be my fault, if my abuser got hurt or went to jail. In reality everyone is responsible for themselves and the consequences that follow. " - Anya
Divorce
School Failure & Bullying
Loss of a Pet
"Therapy helped me find peace and love living in two homes just like the butterfly, the animals and insects rebuilt and found peace in their garden." -Rachel
Loss of a Pet
Mexico/ USA Border Kidnappings or "separations"
Loss of a Pet
"Losing my pet was like going through the terrible storm like in the story. But I feel better today. Therapy helped me through the sad days and to remember the happy days just like the garden insects and animals remembered things in the past." - Christina
Adoption
Mexico/ USA Border Kidnappings or "separations"
Mexico/ USA Border Kidnappings or "separations"
"In therapy I learned I am lovable and have value even if both of my parents neglected and abused me. I am with a new family now and it is a new day just like the new day in the peaceful garden where the the wounded yellow butterfly, the rainbow butterflies and bird family live. I got a second chance just like the wounded yellow butterfly." - Tommy
Mexico/ USA Border Kidnappings or "separations"
Mexico/ USA Border Kidnappings or "separations"
Mexico/ USA Border Kidnappings or "separations"
In therapy, I was able to learn new skills to defend myself, to help me feel better and feel safe again just like the yellow butterfly, animals and insects in the story did after they experienced a terrible storm. I was able to return to school and make friends. I am also able to trust the police and recognize my parents, my toys and my family again.
I am from Honduras. I was kidnapped from my father at the Mexico/USA border about 3 years ago. We had to leave my country because my family received violent threats from gang members who wouldn't allow my parents to travel to their jobs because they worked in other gang controlled towns. Sometimes I would see dead bodies on the ground.The police were afraid, too.The police often did not help enough to keep us safe.
After I was taken from my father at the border and put in a van, I was taken to a stranger's house. I was unable to sleep and eat. I had nightmares of being pulled from my father's arms. I was "separated" from my father for 2 months and had little to eat and a thin blanket to keep warm at night where I lived in a strange house with people who would often yelled at me to 'stop crying'. After being with my foster parents, I began to believe they were my real father and mother. My father was in prison for 3 months for crossing the border. I was reunited with him after being separated for 2 months and we both spent a month in prison together. I did not recognize him & couldn't believe he was my real father. Once we were released from prison, I was shown pictures of my family and given old toys and my old clothing, I learned about Stockholm Syndrome and how this made me believe things that weren't true. I slowly began to remember my father, my mother, my toys and clothing. I finally remembered my family and life after my kidnapping at the American border.
I was afraid of the police and would scream and cry and hide behind cars or run away from my father to protect myself. I had trouble concentrating in school and was often sent home when I had crying spells and couldn't concentrate. Older boys followed me in the school yard and isolated and bullied me like boys did in the center where I stayed before going to my foster parent's home to live. I felt very afraid and sad most of the time. I didn't know how to defend myself anymore.
Today, my family and me are happier and safer, but we will never forget what happened to us. We have forgiven everyone who hurt us. We put the past behind us and look to the future, hoping for a safer and better life as citizens of the USA ."-Manuel
The Wounded Yellow Butterfly Book
$12.00
La Mariposa Amarillo Herido
$12.00
Dependency, Addiction, Slavery and Nihilism
Dependency, addiction, slavery and nihilism are one and the same thing
defined as when a person feels helpless, submissive or believes they are incapable of taking care of themselves. They are a slave to a master. The ,aster could be any person. andor drug. They may have trouble making decisions for themselves. The dependent person gives up on life and self.The dependent person becomes homeless, becomes physically and/or mentally ill, the ultimate self fulfilling prophecy and dies from an overdose (codependents are known to have purchased life insurance
to collect after the overdose), suicide or experiences an alcohol related coma.
But with counseling and addiction treatment, you can learn to be self reliant and care for yourself and find freedom from trauma, dependency, bondage and slavery. This is an abusive relationship in which a person or drug is taking advantage of a person who needs help to rise up for him or herself. Read Addicted to Trauma Bonding? Prof. Sam Vaknin
What Is Addiction?
What is addiction, really? It is a sign, a signal, a symptom of distress. It is a language that tells us a plight that must be understood.” ― ❤Alice Miller, Read Breaking Down the Wall of Silence: The Liberating Experience of Facing a Painful Truth.
The use of drugs without a prescription is illegal. Using street drugs is a sign of a problem! Teach your children and teens that there is no such thing as "experimentation". Abusing prescription drugs is harmful. Using illegal drugs and the abuse of medication may cause medical problems, coma and/or death. If you suspect someone is giving or selling drugs to children or teens, report immediately to the police and/or your local children's protective services. Marijuana may cause psychosis, suicidal ideation, paranoia, brain damage, lower IQ, and other serious psychological and medical problems.
Alcohol Use and Abuse
There is no such thing as "experimentation".
Alcohol is a sign there is a problem!
Teach your children and teens that
there is no such thing as "experimentation".
Drinking may cause medical problems,
coma and/or death.
If you suspect someone is giving or selling alcohol to children or teens, report immediately to the police and/or your local children's protective services.
Take someone to the hospital or call 911 to go to the hospital if they are in and out of consciousness or passed out. If you don't,
they may end up in a permanent coma.
Sex Use and Abuse
Acting out sexual behavior may be a sign of a sexual abuse trauma. Early sexual behavior is not "experimentation" but a sign there may be a serious problem. If you suspect sexual abuse of children or teens, or you may be an adult of childhood sexual abuse and/or rape, report immediately to the police and/or your
local child protective services to protect others.
Before consenting to a sexual relationship learn more about sexual grooming, narcissism and gaslighting.
Learn more about narcissism, gaslighting and grooming to empower yourself, men and women, children and teens against sexual abuse, unwanted sexual contact, sexual harassment, rape and other sexual abuses.
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What is sexual grooming? Identifying the 6 stages by Lewis and Llewellyn
sexualabuselawfirm.com
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Understanding Sexual Grooming in Child Abuse Cases by Daniel Pollack and Andrea Maclver.
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Understanding Grooming in Adult Relationships by Kayla Tricaso
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The Psychology of Adult Sexual Grooming: Sinnamon's Seven-Stage Model of Adult Sexual Grooming by Grant Sinnamon
Children's Peace and Justice Program
The Children's Peace and Justice Program is offered to children between the ages of 6-12 in a group setting or family sessions. The playful and creative 1-25, 1.5 hour sessions are held at my office, school or by zoom for a small fee. These sessions are not lectures, not indoctrination, not communist propaganda, not conversion therapy, not brainwashing, nor therapy, and not the perversion of children and their families!
Linda has a BA in Peace & Justice and Philosophy from St. Peter's Jesuit College (now a University) in Jersey City, New Jersey.
Linda is trained in school mediation, family and community conflict resolution, and nonviolent activism.
Linda also studied w/the Quakers at the Fellowship of Reconciliation and other religious and non religious groups.
She is now dedicating time to the study of "forgiveness" and how it may be applied as an intervention where healing is needed after a betrayal.
The Children's Peace and Justice Program promotes love and respect for the poor, modest income, working class, middle class and rich persons, Asian, African Americans, White, Indigenous and Biracial persons, persons of different ethnicity and nationalities (including Hispanics, Latina, Latinos y Lantix), religious and nonreligious persons, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, educated and uneducated, the unborn persons, disabled persons and persons who may find themselves the target of discrimination, racism, bigotry, bias, hate and violence. Report all crimes and abuses to the police and file complaints at the organizations and/or workplaces where an incident has taken place.
We are members of several groups and always an individual with full personhood and potentiality.
To learn about the protection of animals and children and the teachings of "Peace" to children, read the history of The American Humane Society.
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Linda has a BA in Peace & Justice and Philosophy from St. Peter's Jesuit College (now a University) in Jersey City, New Jersey.
Linda is trained in school mediation, family and community conflict resolution, and nonviolent activism.
Linda also studied w/the Quakers at the Fellowship of Reconciliation and other religious and non religious groups.
She is now dedicating time to the study of "forgiveness" and how it may be applied as an intervention where healing is needed after a betrayal.
The Children's Peace and Justice Program promotes love and respect for the poor or modest income, working class, middle class and rich persons, Asian, African Americans, White, Indigenous and Biracial persons, persons of different ethnicity and nationalities including Latinx (gender-neutral or non binary individuals), religious and nonreligious persons, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, the educated and uneducated, the unborn persons, disabled persons and persons who may find themselves the target of discrimination, racism, bigotry, bias, hate, identity abuse and other indignities and violence. Report all crimes and physical and racial abuses to the police and file complaints at the organizations and/or workplaces where an incident has taken place. Find other employment, relationships, places of worship, etc where there is safety.
We are members of several groups and always an individual with full personhood and potentiality.
To learn about the protection of animals and children and the teachings of "Peace" to children, read the history of The American Humane Society.
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https://www.americanhumane.org/about-us/history
THE FIVE PEACE AND JUSTICE THEMES
1. AFFIRMATION
Learn to affirm yourself and demonstrate gratefulness and love for yourself and others.
2. COMMUNICATION
Learn how to express yourself through assertive nonviolent communication!
3. CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Gain a better understanding of the underlying reasons of conflict .
Learn negotiation skills to resolve most conflicts.
Learn to recognize safe places, people and things.
Learn to protect and defend yourself from bullying, narcissistic abuse and other forms of violence.
Training to intervene on your own behalf and to help someone who is being harmed,
as per example Nick Sandmann, a young man who stood up for the rights of the
unborn in Washington on 1/18/2019 and the 2023 Marchers on Washington
to protect the life of the unborn babies and babies murdered soon after birth.
The American Women's Tennis Team boycotting The China Olympics in support of human rights, 2022.
American lawmakers speaking out against China's Communists Party Human Rights Abuses, 2022.
We are grateful to all the brave people who protect and defend us and especially parents who defend their children,
Learn about loving behavior and listen to "Reconciliation" by Thich Nhat Hanh, 2022 Audio Buddha
To promote love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible, read Forgiveness and Collective Guilt Assignment to Historical Perpetrator Groups Depend on Level of Social Category Inclusiveness by Michael Wohl & Nyla Branscombe
4. COOPERATION
Learn how to cooperate with safe people.
5. CULTURAL APPRECIATION
We do this by sharing our food, our art, our books, our holidays, our customs, our traditional clothing, our dances, our songs, our stories, our way of life, our traditions, values and beliefs, our religions, and our lives. We validate and acknowledge one another and promote personhood for each and every one of us, including ALL unborn babies from around the world with immeasurable potential!
Cultural depreciation (Narcissism, antisocial and/or hateful belief system) or appropriation destroys, shames, devalues, discards,
ridicules, degrades, and steals from others.
When we dare to let go of control and share our language, art, music, traditions, literature, food, stories, religion, etc,
We are promoting self-love and self-protection.
Cultural borrowing and transmission are the most powerful weapons against narcissism, racism, hate,
forced cultural assimilation,
totalitarianism and the extinction of cultures (erasing).
The borrowing and transmission of elements of cultures are not in itself problematic.
The cultural borrowing and transmission of ideas have been going on since the beginning of time. The borrowing and transmission of our ideas, traditions, and creative works is what makes a multicultural world society a wonderful reality.
The process of borrowing and transmitting connects us and helps us survive and reach our human potential.
If you borrow and transmit ideas from another culture, not your own, by creating art or using ideas of other cultures,
Do it in a positive and enhancing way,
contribute financially (give credit, donate and consider royalties),
acknowledge their origins and engage with others who are beautifully different than you are.
I donate 10% to children's art programs when I sell my beautiful and calming dream catchers.
Sharing is caring and an expression
of love for our differences!
Let's share our truth, cultures, and our love.
Forgiveness and Collective Guilt Assignment to Historical Perpetrator Groups Depend on Level of Social Category Inclusiveness
by Michael Wohl & Nyla Branscombe
To learn more about the violence perpetrated by Fascism, Socialism and Communism watch films such as Argentina, 1985, La Lengua de las Mariposas (Butterfly's Tongue-1999)
Real cultural competency reduces suffering and is compassionate, promotes respect, dignity, civility, love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible. Learn about loving behavior and listen to "Reconciliation" by Thich Nhat Hanh, 2022 Audio Buddha;
also listen to "Transforming Suffering" by Thich Nhat Hanh
Watch the Oscar Winning Movie Everything Everywhere All at Once, a story about fighting against evil, the belief that life is meaningless and nihilism.
COMMUNITY
❤What Is a "Beloved Community"?
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. defined a beloved community as, "... a group of people that come together to make dreams come true, to prosper, to love one another, to solve problems, to hold each other accountable, to expect success, to use one's imagination ...."
A community is a place where we live together nonviolently, showing respect for our neighbors and living productive and healthy lives. What you do or don't do affects each and every one of us in a positive way or in a negative way. Negative behavior is unacceptable, and people should be held accountable for their harmful and/or criminal behavior. No one should get a "pass" for hurtful and/or criminal behavior. Allow only those who enhance your community into your lives!
Government representatives, law enforcement, the judicial system, educational system, family system, social services and religious communities must also be held accountable when they fail to provide everyone a safe place to live and ways for
everyone to reach their full potential.
Special Message
African American or Black American men, women, and children, descendants of the enslaved have struggled to belong in a country that has inflicted one of the most horrific crimes against humanity. Against all odds most African American men, women and children have advanced, making great strides due to their own initiatives. Some African American men, women, and children still remain behind due many reasons including
psychological generational trauma and
scapegoating.
The healing process for descendants must include a formal apology from the US government ( S. Con. Res.26-A concurrent resolution apologizing for the enslavement and racial segregation of African Americans), property reparations for those who have no property of their own, free psychological services for healing, and debt cancellation for the poor and working families.
I am offering 10 free counseling sessions to those suffering from trauma and/or loss related to their family slave history, racism and discrimination and political violence, if there is no insurance or other means to pay for services. Unresolved trauma and loss cause anxiety, depression and other mental health concerns that can prevent us from feeling hopeful. Without hope, we remain angry and unfulfilled, never reaching our full potential.
Some of you may not understand "psychological generational trauma." Generational trauma is not genetic, but a consequence of horrible indignities passed psychologically through the generations stemming from slavery and other indignities such as communism and Fascism. We may inflict similar abuses and act
out our historical traumas on others.
I remember Frank, a tall African American man who was in therapy with me for about 4 years. He walked in the therapy room, hunched back as if he were carrying the world on his shoulder. He had come to counseling because he was depressed. He was a young man but looked much older. He shuffled into the office, taking a very long time to settle in his safe chair. He told me his trauma story bit by bit. One day, after building trust, he said, "My mother often beat me with very thin branches she broke off a bush in our yard. My mother called the branch a 'switch." He finished his story that day by telling me, "I have scars all over my body from the beatings, which started when I was a child. I have not been able to do much like other people. My scars keep me in prison and are reminders of the horrors of the past.
I have no peace of mind."
After more time in counseling, Frank was able to feel less shame, to feel hopeful and start a family of his own, to forgive his mother (but could not reconcile due to the violence) and those responsible for slavery and other indignities his family suffered.
Frank's scars no longer keep him
from enjoying the life he prayed for growing up.
I remember a man from Spain who called himself Jose came for counseling. After a year of counseling, he told me that when he was a child he witnessed brutality, murder and civil war between his neighbors, friends and family members. You could not trust anyone. Each person in Spain during the civil war chose to be either a communist, an anarchist or fascist. You told on friends, neighbors and family members to avoid prison, torture and death. The Communists and Anarchist burned down churches, tortured and murdered Christians including Nuns and Priests. The Fascist abused, tortured and murdered communist and Spaniards who did not conform to Franco's Fascism. Many mass graves have been recovered since then. Fear and hate had taken over the country, rather than courage, love and trust. Jose had been so traumatized that he did not allow his children to share their thoughts openly with any one and demanded complete silence from his them to protect them from harm, although they lived in a free society where free speech and expressing your thoughts were encouraged and protected in the USA. He could not recover fully from the political terror and loss. Civil war had destroyed his country, his family, his faith and hope in humanity. Jose once said, Imagine what love could have done for Spain and all of us. It is a warning to us all to take heed in the most important message of all from Jesus which is to 'love your neighbor as yourself'.
Matthew 22:39.
Counseling helps to understand the process of grief, forgiveness, and possible reconciliation ( if safe to do so ) after a betrayal. The elements of grief, forgiveness, and reconciliation include a sincere examination of conscience, honesty, and reparations by the USA government representatives and those who caused others harm. It is also the victim's decision to forgive and reconcile.
I believe reparations are morally necessary for healing. I want to promote moral responsibility. I want to be the "change" I wish to see all governments make reparations for slavery, war, civil war, political terror, genocide and exterminations.
You may have many reasons why you don't think reparations for American slavery to resolve trauma or loss. You may think it is not fair to hold those who didn't take part in enslaving men, women, and children responsible. You are absolutely right! We should not be blamed for the crimes committed by others.
But let me say, we need an ethical, legal, and moral approach to reparations. It must be compassionate. We must care enough to help each person feel a sense of belonging. People today are not to blame for enslavement, but we are morally responsible to our neighbors and our friends. We are responsible for one another. We need to continue building healthy relationships, families, communities and a society in which personhood applies to
everyone and is validated.
We need to all heal from the crime of slavery and other indignities we have experienced.
I also want to encourage everyone to use loving words and language and refrain from using hateful words or racial slurs toward African American or Black American men, women, and children.
We also need to stop calling each other "racist" and using hateful and demoralizing expressions such as "White Privilege", "Uncle Tom", "marginalized people", "minority", "white devil", and other names. The use of "superiority bias" terms and devaluing and violent phrases that erase, shame, and divide us is racists, emotionally and psychologically abusive. Those who need to devalue others to elevate themselves and victimize others may suffer with a lack of capacity to empathize and with a serious mental illness.
Demoralizing or using hateful words toward each other only breeds anger, shyness, withdrawal from others, poor school performance, sense of inferiority or superiority, self hate, hatred toward others and defensiveness which creates more division and separation from one another and worse, broken hearts. Hate and fear are the antithesis of inclusion and love.
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TO LEARN MORE ABOUT NARCISSISM & HATE listen to
26 words you need to know about narcissism untube
by NARCDAILY-YOU ARE NOT ALONE
I do believe in free speech and have remained peaceful when provoked with insults and verbal aggression when growing up and as an adult. But there are times when you must stand up to verbal violence by exposing and/or filing complaints against perpetrators for their verbal and/ written bias attacks, their hate, self-destructive, and self-hating projections. Counseling is advisable for anyone who devalues another to elevate themselves, those who scapegoat, and those who teach children that we are either bad or good.
When challenged, I often rely on songs I have learned as a child. I have sung when challenged, Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never harm me! and have relied on the teachings of Jesus, Gandhi, Dr. King and others who taught us about love, justice, forgiveness and reconciliation.
"Sticks and Stones" is reported to have appeared in The Christian Recorder March 1862, a publication of the African Methodist Episcopal Church.
One last word, the expression "person of color," must be reserved for African American or Black American men, women, and children only to keep the focus on their unique experience. No other group should ride on the coat-tails of African Americans or Black American's personal slave experience, robbing them again of what is due to them legally and morally. This is unconscionable and fraudulent.
African Americans are the only group of Americans not to have received reparations in the USA. The failure to provide PROPERTY reparations over the last 150 years speaks volumes of our hypocrisy and lack of commitment to racial equality and justice. Property reparations began during Lincoln's Presidency and ended after his death.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. called for property reparations, school vouchers for a better and equal education and 100% employment opportunities for African Americans to advance toward equality with other Americans, knowing the healing it would bring to African Americans and all Americans.
Dr. King also called for the end of poverty for all! Over the years, we have seen at least a 50% decline in poverty around the world, along with other positive changes. Let's do more together and make the dream come true.
Speak words of love and hope.
Acknowledge our tremendous progress toward equality and healing for all to our children.
Read Ten Global Trends by Ronald Baily and Marian L. Tupy and listen to the Ten Global Trends podcast with Dr. Jordan Peterson.
Judge people based on their character and behavior and hold them accountable.
Don't judge people based on race, ethnicity, gender, weight, class, education, career choice, marital status, number of children a woman has, religious belief, economic status, political affiliation, etc.
Don't assume someone is biased, racist or a bigot without evidence. There is the assumption that if you attend or allow your children to participate in bias awareness school classes, trainings, or groups, you and your children are biased. "Bias Awareness" trainings may
be emotionally abusive for all children and may lead to suicide.
Children, teens, and adults of all races and backgrounds are at risk.
We must be gentle and sensitive with one another.
Jane Elliot's "Blue Eyes, Brown Eyes" experiment in the 1960's, is an unethical, non scientific experiment in which the teacher made very young white children feel shame for having blue eyes and accused them of being potential racists. Her cure was humiliating, demoralizing and terrorizing the children. The children cried and were obviously traumatized. It was an unethical experiment that should horrify us all. Children learn love by loving them and not by teaching violence and self-hatred. Hate and violence against any child is criminal. Promoting self hate and hate for White children is just as unconscionable and criminal as teaching hate against Black, Asian, Indian, Indigenous People, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Protestant and all other children of different faiths and those with different points of view.
If your child is being psychologically abused, physically removed from their classmates and classroom, taught to self hate and/or hate others, remove your child immediately from the violent environment, file a complaint against the offender and/or school or other institution or person for discrimination, file a lawsuit and/or civil rights and/or criminal charges.
I remember a young Asian woman named Mia coming to my office and sharing that she had wanted to jump out of her prestigious NY university 3rd floor window during a "sensitivity" course. The professor who seems to suffer from a lack of sensitivity and attunement asked all the students to stand. He then asked students to step forward, if they had two parents, had money growing up, were "white privileged", were not the first generation to enter college, lived in a home and had their own bedroom, have never been a target of racism or prejudice, had food in the home, celebrated holidays, etc. My client went on to say that by the time the professor had asked the last question, several students were at the head of the class, some in the middle, while she stood at the back, not having taken not one step forward. Mia shared she had been sex trafficked since she was a child by her mother, barely had food to eat and often begged for food when growing up and was now being supported by a man who was paying for her living expenses, food, her apartment and education in exchange for sex. Over time, this young woman began to heal from her traumatic childhood experiences, to work, attend another university and live on her own. She also reconciled with her mother.
This young woman learned to recognize when she and others are being manipulated and narcissistic behaviors. She began to understand that the professor failed to ask if they had experienced physical, sexual, financial, and/or emotional abuse in their families or by others. The professor failed to ask students if they were being struggling emotionally, academically, financially, etc. The professor was avoiding the very real experiences of the students in his class who were likely in violent relationships, estranged from family because they were gay, dealing with environmental contamination, loss of a pet, dealing with a narcissistic abuser, living with a mother with borderline disorder who is abusive and/or some other negative personal experience. Mia also didn't consider that students may have lied to avoid embarrassment and being shamed by the professor or other students. In Counseling, she learned that no one is without suffering. She learned that many students experience a loss, i.e., environmental contamination, loss of a parent to suicide, war, loss of college funding, and so much more. Mia learned the difference between a secret and privacy and when it's inappropriate to share. She learned that it would have been more advantages for everyone if the professor and students had planned for an international festival at their university. More importantly, Mia accepted that suffering is EVERYONE'S reality and she is not alone.
If someone should tell you, you must take a "sensitivity or diversity" class, say, "NO!". It is unethical, degrading, and abusive to pit students against each other and to shame them "to death." If anyone accuses you and/or your child of being biased or racist, immediately defend yourself legally. It is highly recommended that families
have a family lawyer to speak on your behalf.
Unfortunately, there is also a pattern of hostility toward males of school age. "Advocates" against rape are promoting in our public schools, the belief that "All male children and teens are potential rapists"
and "all female children and teens are potential rape victims".
As clinicians, parents, teachers and other responsible adults, it is our job to protect our children, teens and young people from delusional reasoning or irrational generalizations that may instill fear
and a feeling of alienation, leading to serious mental health issues, homicide and/or suicide.
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For more information read and study the 10 Irrational Cognitive Distortions and seek counseling with a therapist who respects you, promotes non violence and love, has the training
and certifications to treat
the mental health issues and trauma; and very importantly, has a
neutral, non political counseling perspective.
To learn more read Joe Navarro's essay in Psychology Today, When the Narcissist Fails. Also read more on Idealize, Devalue, Discard: The Dizzying Cycle of the Narcissist at www.goodtherapy.org.
Atonement and Forgiveness:
A New Model For Black Reparations by Roy Brooks
To promote love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible, read Collective Guilt Assignment to Historical Perpetrator Groups Depend on Level of Social Category Inclusiveness
by Michael Wohl & Nyla Branscombe
To learn more about loving behavior listen to Reconciliation by Thich Nhat Hanh, 2022 Audio Buddha
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