Who Am I * Safe Place * The Healing Journey
Linda Diaz-Murphy, LPC, RPT, CTTS, TF-CBT, LCADC, DRCC
I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Registered Play Therapist, specializing in Trauma Focused Play Therapy and Sand Play Therapy for children, teens and adults. I am trained in adoption counseling and Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT) for adults, teens and children. I have my own counseling practice and offer effective outpatient, individualized, psychological care. I treat a number of mental health issues, and provide a neutral perspective to children, teens and adults. I provide individual, family, and couples therapy.
I am a certified grief counselor and work for the Victim Witness Assistance Program Office of Military Commissions assisting 9/11 victim family members (VFM) and others who have experienced loss. I traveled with VFM to Guantanamo, Cuba and witnessed pretrial hearings for Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and 4 other alleged September 11 co-conspirators of the September 11 attacks on the Twin Towers killing and injuring over 40,000 men, women and children. These five men are accused of planning and aiding the September 11 terrorist attacks.
I have visited Puerto Rico where my family is from and shared my book, The Wounded Yellow Butterfly and La Mariposa Amarilla Herida with the children affected by Hurricane Maria. I provided grief counseling to children harmed by Hurricane Maria. Sadly, the hurricane killed about 90 people, wiped out the rain forest and damaged homes and property. Puerto Ricans are resilient, surviving many storms over hundreds of years. Recovery was swift thanks to FEMA and other organizations and Federal Government support.
I have donated copies of my Books,The Wounded Yellow Butterfly and La Mariposa Amarillo Herida, to victims of natural disasters in Puerto Rico, North Carolina, Texas, South Carolina and New Jersey. I have donated books to families of police officers killed in the line of duty and children who lost a family member or witnessed a police shooting and/or assault on a family member. I have donated toys and copies of my book in English and in Spanish to organizations helping children who have crossed the American Borders and children who have witnessed community violence.
I have been married for over 40 years to Brian, my wonderful husband. I am a mother, grandmother, and have two wonderful grandchildren who helped me write the book, The Wounded Yellow Butterfly, a story of a wounded butterfly that rebuilds with other insects and garden animals their peaceful garden after a terrible storm. I was inspired to write The Wounded Yellow Butterfly by a real wounded yellow butterfly, the children and families who have allowed me to come along on their healing journeys and my family who immigrated to the USA from Fascist Spain and Communist Cuba seeking political freedom and safety. In both Spain and Cuba the Communists and Fascists equally participated in placing their victims in mass graves, after having committed atrocities. Franco of Spain, Castro(and Che) of Cuba and many other Fascist and Communists around the world are guilty of crimes against humanity.
Therapists, philosophers, theologians and others practice freely in Democratic societies in which the people rule their lives, thoughts and feelings. On the other hand, Socialism and Fascism are rooted in Communism, a totalitarian system ruled by one person and an indiscriminate military that is in opposition to democracy, free speech, private property, financial independence and artistic expression. Communism is marked by massive surveillance while imposing state terrorism, personality cultism, anti-LGBT, state control of reproduction, anti-parents, anti- motherhood, pro-abortion, pro-genocide, pro-euthanasia, pro-infanticide, anti-family, state control of medical and psychological decisions, anti-feeling, pro-dysfunctional thinking, anti-religion, sexists, racists, political repression, kidnapping of children, mass incarceration, torture, violence, enslavement and death. It also includes an all-encompassing propaganda campaign broadcasted by the state-owned controlled mass media that turns friends against friends, neighbors against neighbors, children against parents, non-religious persons against religious persons, students against professors, Blacks against Whites, women against men and you against yourself. It is a system that destroys the past and wants us all to forget the crimes against humanity, controls the present, and denies you a future with liberty. Never forget the atrocities of the Holocaust and other genocides, the unjust revolutions and unjust wars around the world because that is what the perpetrators of violence and hate want you to to do so they can do it over and over again and never to be held accountable for their evilness.
What is THERAPY?
Most if not all of us have experienced great loss i.e., political trauma, sexual abuse, loss of a pet, divorce, water contamination, partner or family abandonment, harassment at work and/or school, forced abortion and other abuses. Therapy is about healing from loss and trauma. Therapy is about finding your own voice. Therapy is democratic. Therapy is liberating. Therapy is free speech. Therapy helps you discover your authentic self. Therapy is caring. Therapy is about visiting the past in order to free us to live in the present and plan for the future.
Therapy allows us "...the freedom to experience spontaneous feelings.” - Alice Miller The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self
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I am providing free downloads of my books and audio/videos in Spanish and in English with captions of The Wounded Yellow Butterfly and La Mariposa Amarilla Herida on this website and on youtube for those who have no funds to purchase my books.
Full Circle is when something "comes full circle"; it completes a cycle, returns to its beginnings. "We can go from optimism to pessimism and back to optimism again in our lives". It is also an “expression of the moment”. You may find these and other definitions on the Web and Webster's Dictionary.
LOOK FOR THE ❤ FOR RESOURCES
Wishing you all the best, Linda
Safe Place: The Waiting Room
The focus of therapy is to help children, teens and adults become aware of their inner strengths to help each individual grow from their struggles, heal from their pain, and move forward to where individuals want to be in their lives. To achieve this, each person is provided a neutral safe space from the start in the safe space waiting room where trust can develop and healing can begin.
The Healing Journey
I will be there for you every step of your healing journey. Your journey may include feeling safe, expressing your feelings, learning to cope with strong feelings, telling your personal story and making closer connections with others.
Grief is a strong emotional response to loss and trauma.
Initial Response to a Loss and/or a Traumatic Event
Initially children, teens and adults may feel shock or shattered. It may seem unreal.
Symptoms
After a tragic event or loss, children, teens and adults may have trouble functioning at home, work and/or school. We may feel and/or experience fear, anxiety, or depression. We may have an inability to form or keep relationships, withdrawing from others. We may experience terrifying memories, nightmares and/or flashbacks, and may avoid things or triggers that remind us of the traumatic event. We may also regress and act out uncharacteristically. We may experience physical problems including fatigue, being startled easily, poor concentrating, racing heartbeat, edginess and agitation, aches and pains, muscle tension, nausea, and headaches.
A loss or traumatic event may cause a feeling of hopelessness or meaninglessness of life. We may ask, "Why did this happen to me?".
We all need consistency in our lives. We want to feel in control and make sense of our lives and the world around us. When something tragic happens we want to know “Why?”.
Healing may take weeks, months and even years. Each person is different and his or her healing time should be respected.
Therapy Helps with Rebuilding Lives and Restoring Hope
Counseling helps you feel safe again, to express and cope with feelings, to tell your personal stories and reconnect with others.
You may experience grief due to the loss of a spouse, a betrayal, divorce, human or natural disaster, environmental contamination, war, rioting, bullying, loss of your home, rape, abortion, discrimination, racism, assault, kidnapping, human trafficking and other traumatic losses.
It has been my experience and those of the men, women, and children who have or are healing from loss to report the following stages and symptoms:
Stage 1 possible symptoms
- Shock, shattered, denial, fear, not feeling safe, confusion and other feelings
Stage 2 possible symptoms
- Sorrow
- Anger
- Hopelessness
- Rage
- Anxiety
- Guilt
- Shame
- Feeling disconnected
- Self-blame
- Mood swings
- Confusion
- Poor concentration
Stage 3 associated symptoms
•Struggling to make sense of the traumatic event
and finding meaning in one's experience with loss
Stage 4 associated trauma symptoms
- Memories of trauma event
- Sweating, pounding heart
- Avoiding people, places and things that remind you of traumatic event
- Panic attacks
- Losing interest in life and activities you once liked
- Don't feel normal
- Physical pain and/ or disability
Stage 5 Recovery
- Acceptance
- Better coping
- Finding courage
- Forgiveness
- Acknowledgement of the loss, feeling empathy for others and self
- Feeling Hopeful
- Rebuilding
- Resilience, feeling courageous
- Having a different point of view about the loss
- Remembrance of the past
- Acceptance, a return to living again in the present with uncertainty and a sense of safety
- Connecting with others
- Looking to the future
- Living a democratic life
- Finding joy
- feeling normal again
- Finding Purpose in life
Stage 6
Finding Meaning
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Somatic Symptoms
To help understand somatic symptoms please read, "THE BODY NEVER LIES", by Alice Miller, a world-renowned psychoanalyst who was one of the first to examine the long-ranged consequences of childhood abuse on the body. She wrote how physical and psychological abuse or trauma manifests in adult illnesses.
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The Wounded Yellow Butterfly is a perfect story book for children to help understand the process of grief. This is a story that will take children on a healing journey after a traumatic or difficult experience such as a divorce, loss of a pet, the pandemic, tornado, flood, house fire, loss of a parent, and other experiences.
There are several points of view on the grieving process and the number of stages of grief.
It is believed that there are 6 stages of grief.
The first 5 grief stages were introduced to us by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
The 6th stage, "Finding Meaning" is offered to us by David Kessler.
I believe that one finds meaning and
purpose in life in stage 3 while in the midst of our suffering.
Life’s Issues
PARENTHOOD
Reproductive choices, Pregnancy Loss, Abortion Traumatic Loss and Grief
PARENTHOOD
Counseling will help define your role, find comfort, support and confidence with the choices you make.
Choosing Motherhood or Fatherhood over a career or being a "provider" is empowering for the whole family. Being a mother or father is a 24/7 a week responsibility, 100% undivided attention to the task of parenting.
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Read Dr. Cloud's book on "Raising Great Kids" and other books on "children and boundaries".
Some positive consequences of staying home i.e., living with less, alleviate work and financial stress, improved mental health/bonding, finding balance. Raising a family below one's means or within one's means may be the ideal choice. You may want to go back to school while raising a family and help the family prepare for the future. Financial aid/free college or trade school is available for those with a modest income.
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For more on being a stay at home parent read, "5 Reasons one parent should stay at home," written by Paul Tracy, 2021; and Raising your kids on a shoestring, visit website: feministsforlife.org
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For more on finances, read Dave Ramsey, "budget percentages explained (2021 edition) ," May 30, 2021 and other valuable budgeting information.
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Planning to HOME SCHOOL, check out the TheHomeSchoolMom's resource page and other resources.
If you are fortunate enough to live in a politically free and wealthy country such as the USA, then you have choices and infinite opportunities.
As you make family choices, it is helpful to think that in life,"YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE!"
Identity
Reproductive choices, Pregnancy Loss, Abortion Traumatic Loss and Grief
PARENTHOOD
Counseling can help you understand yourself better and establish a stronger integrated self. If you are asking, "Who am I?", let's talk about it. Not having a strong sense of self or struggling with identity issues such as with your religion, sexual orientation, political affiliation, gender, race, ethnicity, career choice, or other issue may lead to anxiety and insecurity. An identity crisis may occur due to a big change or stressor in your life.
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"We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves." -The Adult Children of Alcoholics Promises Book
Reproductive choices, Pregnancy Loss, Abortion Traumatic Loss and Grief
Reproductive choices, Pregnancy Loss, Abortion Traumatic Loss and Grief
Reproductive choices, Pregnancy Loss, Abortion Traumatic Loss and Grief
Counseling helps you make reproductive choices including having children if you are poor or have a modest income. Counseling EMPOWERS women and men to make a choice to have a child and not to abort their unborn child. Having a modest income doesn't disqualify you from being a mother or a father! Being poor is not wrong or a crime or a sin. I knew many women including myself who raised children on a "shoestring".
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For more resources go to feministsforlife.org
Counseling provides a safe place to share the loss of a pregnancy or infant and to gain a better understanding of the normal grieving and healing process.
Counseling provides both men and women a safe place for sharing your loss after an abortion and to gain a better understanding of the normal grieving and healing process. 10 free post abortion trauma counseling sessions are being offered to those without insurance or other means to pay.
Counseling is also available for men and women who are having difficulty with pregnancy which may be due to an abortion procedure, prolong use of birth control or other issue.
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Counseling and other services are also available such as Rachel's Vineyard for Post Abortion Retreats and local Pregnancy Centers for those without insurance or other means to pay and want to keep their baby or considering adoption. Please call 201-320-9907 for assistance.
Empowerment
Empowerment
Reproductive choices, Pregnancy Loss, Abortion Traumatic Loss and Grief
Counseling is beneficial to everyone seeking to empower themselves and strengthen their commitment in facing injustices i.e., segregation, racism, sexism, discrimination, domestic violence, rape, sexual harassment, told to perform sex to keep your job or to advance in your career (leave, look for another job, tell others, file charges against perpetrators), hate crimes, violence against you for your political affiliation, accusations of sexual assault w/out due process, forced abortion, etc. You may need to explore enabling behavior and find the courage to correct injustices, not tolerating, enabling or excusing them.
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For free empowerment training go to https://www.ihollaback.org/
Victims of crimes are strongly advised to seek medical, psychological and spiritual support as well as filing a police report. Filing a police report may save a life, save a child from being sex trafficked, may prevent another woman or man from being raped, and other crimes. You may call this office for assistance to the police department to file a complaint and/or sexual assault charges and accompaniment to the hospital for a rape kit exam. Walking away or removing yourself from unsafe people or a dangerous situation is empowering and protecting yourself and others! If you do not leave a dangerous and abusive situation, you may be thinking it is your fault and I am to blame, others won't believe you, you will lose everything you worked for. You are never to blame and there are people who care and many more opportunities for you. The abuser wants you to think that you will suffer more if you tell. Don't believe it!
Counseling can provide you and your loved ones a safe place to explore what being safe is, who are the safe and unsafe people, and how to keep yourself and others you love safe.
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Watch YouTube video,"The Secret to Becoming Mentally Stronger", by Dr. Jordan Peterson, Success Chasers
Empowerment
Empowerment
Diversity & Identity
FOOTBALL LIFE LESSONS
1. You are part of something greater than yourself.
2. You play how you practice. Practice hard.
3. Every inch of progress gets you closer to your goal.
4. Keep your eye on the goal.
5. Celebrate the wins.
6. Believe in yourself.
7. Learn from your losses.
8. Being disciplined pays off.
9. Winning requires teamwork.
10. Work hard and play fair.
Educational and Work Place Abuse
My educational excellence, professional licensing, certifications and professional success are based on merit and not based on race, gender, sex, age, economic status, ethnicity nor "privilege". I am grateful to my children and husband for their confidence in me to "do the right thing", at great risk ro my life and family's financial loss when faced with abuses by professors and other students while attending college. I was assaulted for my ethnicity (Spanish, Cuban and Puerto Rican), for my race and called a "white devil", economic background, gender, sex and religion on a number of occasions by other students and professors. I have also witnessed and intervened to help others in similar abusive situations in college. I have also been dismissed from a number of employment positions at colleges, organizations and nonprofits for not allowing anyone to bully me into doing unethical, illegal and harm toward others of different races, ethnicities, religious backgrounds, their sexuality, etc. I have never allowed people to get away with abusing me physically, sexually, emotionally and financially to get me to comply with an abusive educational and/or workplace culture. We must all find the courage to "do no harm" toward anyone when provoked and never to allow anyone to do you harm. I want to be judged based on my character, merit and fairness; as I judge others. If anyone has experienced similar educational and/ work abuses, please call for counseling. Please leave the abusive work and educational environments and find safety and emotional support. There are many other career opportunities in life and healthy personal choices.
Recently, I was emotionally abused by two professors when I was in a "Counseling and Spirituality" course at NYU. It was conveyed to me in a "nice way" that I was "evil" and should "not exist" because I am European of Hispanic Heritage. Of course I withdrew from the course. There have been other instances where I have been verbally and emotionally abused for may race, heritage, identity, for being nonviolent, etc.
I am offering a support group by zoom and 10 free counseling sessions to recover from educational and/or work traumatic abuse. You are not alone!
Peace and courage, Linda
First Responders
Say, "THANK YOU!"
Immigrant Children
" ...the challenges facing immigrant children is a humanitarian issue that transcends politics." -The Young Center For Immigrant Children's Rights https://www.theyoungcenter.org
GENDER
Gender identity is complex. Gender is how you feel inside and how you express those feelings. Some people feel like a masculine female, or a feminine male as depicted in this mask a child made when asked to describe the "self."
Diversity and Identity 100 Years Ago
This is what diversity looked like over a 100 years ago in a NY public school. Children from various backgrounds are depicted in this class photo. My mother's cousin Anna is seated in the middle, just above the boy sitting in the middle on the floor. My mother's cousin was poor. She was also Spanish, French, Puerto Rican and Jewish on her mother's side of the family and Russian and Jewish on her father's side of the family. She also identified herself as a lesbian. She advanced academically as did her classmates.
Cultural and Religious Freedom In The USA
Therapy for Children, Teens, Adults and Families
Sand Play Therapy
Depression, fear, and anxiety are some of the most common and uncomfortable emotions that children, teens and adults may experience at some point in their lives. Through sand play therapy, children, teens and adults may recover motivation, perspective, and joy that they once had in their lives.
Trauma Focused CBT Play Therapy For Children
Many children and teens can experience symptoms associated with painful and traumatic circumstances. Anxiety, fear, and hopelessness are a few emotions that can linger after traumatic events. Children and teens can overcome these symptoms and helped with caring guidance through the process of grief and healing.
Family and Couples Counseling
Family counseling can be beneficial to all members in the family looking to strengthen their emotional connections. Therapy sessions are held with family members in a supportive environment to discuss issues and solutions to better relate to one another.
Couples Counseling helps to understand the process of grief, forgiveness and reconciliation (optional) after a betrayal. The elements of reconciliation includes a sincere examination of conscience, honesty, reparations and forgiveness.
To understand the choices that can build or destroy loving relationships, read "Boundaries in Marriage" by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend.
The Five Themes of Trauma Focused Play Therapy
Understanding Therapy
Therapy helps you find hope and balance in your life!
#1 Safety
Therapy can help you feel safe again.
#2 Coping
Therapy can help you cope with your loss.
#3 Expressing Your Feelings
Therapy can help you express your feelings.
#4 Connecting With Others
Therapy can help you feel closer to others.
#5 Telling Your Story
Therapy provides a safe place to tell your story.
Testimonials
School Bullying
School Bullying
School Bullying
Mother and child said, "Attending therapy helped us feel as if we had built a kaleidoscope as the animals and insects in the story had done after the storm. We have picked up the pieces of broken glass, built our kaleidoscope and saw a new way to care for ourselves by attending another school which helped us move on with our lives."
-Karen and Fran
Sexual Abuse
School Bullying
School Bullying
I realized in therapy, "I may be wounded like the wounded yellow butterfly, but I too can still fly even after the abuse. I found that once I redefined the language that kept me stuck in the a Self Blame/Guilt and Shame Cycle after Abuse, I was able to heal. I stopped believing I was 'guilty' for a crime I did not commit. I learned to redefine the term 'guilt' as a legal term reserved for the perpetrator of abuse or a crime and not about me at all." - Aiyana
Divorce
School Bullying
Loss of a Pet
"Therapy helped me find peace living in two homes just like the butterfly, the animals and insects rebuilt and found peace in their garden." -Rachel
Loss of a Pet
Mexico/ USA Border Separation
Loss of a Pet
"Losing my pet was like going through the terrible storm like in the story. But I feel better today. Therapy helped me through the sad days and to remember the happy days just like the garden insects and animals remembered things in the past." - Morgan and Twain
Adoption
Mexico/ USA Border Separation
Mexico/ USA Border Separation
"In therapy I learned I am lovable and have value even if both of my parents neglected and abused me. I am with a new family now and it is a new day just like the new day in the peaceful garden where the the wounded yellow butterfly, the rainbow butterflies and bird family live. I got a second chance just like the wounded yellow butterfly." - Pedro
Mexico/ USA Border Separation
Mexico/ USA Border Separation
Mexico/ USA Border Separation
"In therapy, I was able to learn new skills to help me feel better and feel safe again just like the yellow butterfly, animals and insects in the story who experienced a terrible storm. I was able to return to school and make friends. I am also able to trust the police and other adults again. I was separated from my father at the Mexico/USA border. I am from Honduras. We had to leave because my family received violent threats from gang members who wouldn't allow my parents to travel to their jobs because they worked in other gang controlled towns. After I was taken from my father at the border and put in a van, I was taken to a house. I was unable to sleep and eat. I had nightmares of being pulled from my father's arms. I was separated from my father for 2 months and had little to eat and a thin blanket to keep warm at night where I lived in a strange house with people who would often yell at me to 'stop crying'. My father was in prison for 3 months for crossing the border. I was reunited with him after being separated for 2 months and we both spent a month in prison together. I was afraid of the police. I had trouble concentrating in school and was often sent home when I had crying spells and couldn't concentrate. Older boys followed me in the school yard and isolated and bullied me. I felt very afraid and sad most of the time. I didn't know how to defend myself anymore. Today, my family and me are happier and safer but we will never forget what happened to us. We have forgiven everyone who hurt us. We put the past behind us and look to the future, living a better life as citizens of the USA ."-Jose
The Wounded Yellow Butterfly Book
$12.00
La Mariposa Amarillo Herido
$12.00
There is no such thing as "experimentation".
“What is addiction, really? It is a sign, a signal, a symptom of distress. It is a language that tells us about a plight that must be understood.” ― ❤ Miller, Breaking Down the Wall of Silence: The Liberating Experience of Facing a Painful Truth
Drug Use and Abuse of Street Drugs and Prescription Medication
The use of drugs without a prescription is illegal. Using street drugs is a sign of a problem! Teach your children and teens that there is no such thing as "experimentation". Abusing prescription drugs is harmful. Using illegal drugs and the abuse of medication may cause medical problems, coma and/or death. If you suspect someone is giving or selling drugs to children or teens, report immediately to the police and/or your local children's protective services.
Marijuana may cause psychosis, suicidal ideation, paranoia, brain damage, lower IQ, and other serious
psychological and medical problems.
Alcohol Use and Abuse
Abusing alcohol is a sign there is a problem! Teach your children and teens that there is no such thing as "experimentation".
Drinking may cause medical problems, coma and/or death.
If you suspect someone is giving or selling alcohol to children or teens, report immediately to the police and/or your local children's protective services.
Sex Use and Abuse
Acting out sexual behavior may be a sign of a sexual abuse trauma. Early sexual behavior is not "experimentation" but a sign there may be a problem. If you suspect sexual abuse of children or teens, or you may be a victim of childhood sexual abuse or rape, report immediately to the police and/or your local child protective services.
Children's Peace and Justice Program
The Children's Peace and Justice Program is offered to children between the ages of 6-12 in a group setting or family sessions. The playful and creative 1.5 hour sessions are held at my office or by zoom for a small fee. These sessions are not lectures, not indoctrination, not propaganda, not conversion therapy or brainwashing, nor therapy!
Linda has a BA in Peace & Justice and Philosophy from St. Peter's Jesuit college (now a University) in Jersey City, New Jersey.
Linda is trained in school mediation, family and community conflict resolution and Nonviolent activism.
Linda also studied w/the Quakers, at the Fellowship of Reconciliation and other religious and non religious groups.
She is now dedicating time to the study of "forgiveness" and how it may be applied as an intervention where healing is needed after a betrayal.
The Children's Peace and Justice Program promotes love and respect for the poor or modest income, working class, middle class and rich persons, Asian, African Americans, White, Indigenous and Biracial persons, persons of different ethnicities and nationalities (including Hispanics, Latinas, Latinos y Latinx), religious and nonreligious persons, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, heterosexual persons, educated and uneducated, the unborn persons, disabled persons and persons who may find themselves the target of discrimination, bigotry, hate and violence. Anyone can be a target. Please report all crimes and abuses to the police and file complaints at the organizations and/or workplaces where abuse has occured.
Abortion is a crime against humanity by definition. It is the "extermination" of the unborn PERSONS with a human heart beat.
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https://www.un.org/en/genocideprevention/crimes-against-humanity.shtml
We are a members of several groups, and always an individual with full personhood and potentiality.
To learn about the protection of animals and children and the teachings of "Peace" to children, read the history of The American Humane Society ❤
https://www.americanhumane.org/about-us/history/
PEACE AND JUSTICE THEMES
1. AFFIRMATION
2. COMMUNICATION
3. CONFLICT RESOLUTION Training to intervene when you and/or someone is being harmed, as per example Nick Sandmann, a young man who stood up for the rights of the unborn in Washington on 1/18/2019.
4. COOPERATION
5. CULTURAL APPRECIATION
We do this by sharing our food, our art, our books, our holidays, our customs, our traditional clothing, our dances, our songs, our stories, our way of life, our traditions, values and beliefs, our religions, and our lives. We validate and acknowledge one another and promote personhood for each and everyone of us including ALL unborn babies from around the world with immeasurable potential!
Cultural depreciation or "appropriation" destroys, shames, devalues, ridicules, degrades and steals from others.
When we dare to let go of control and share our language, art (not propaganda), music, traditions, literature, food, stories, religion, etc,
we are promoting self love and self protection.
Cultural borrowing and transmission are the most powerful weapons against hate,
forced cultural assimilation,
totalitarianism and the extinction of cultures.
The borrowing and transmission of elements of one another's cultures in not in itself problematic.
The cultural borrowing and transmission of ideas has been going on since the beginning of time. The borrowing and transmission of our ideas, traditions and creative works is what makes a multicultural world society a wonderful reality.
The process of borrowing and transmitting connects us and helps us survive and reach our human potential.
If you borrow and transmit ideas from another culture not your own by creating art or using ideas of other cultures,
do it in a positive and enhancing way,
contribute financially (give credit, donate and consider royalties),
acknowledge their origins and engage with others who are beautifully different than you are.
I donate 10% to children's art programs when I sell my beautiful and calming dream catchers.
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Sharing is caring and an expression
of love for our differences!
Let's share our truth, cultures and our love.
6. DEMOCRACY
7. FORGIVENESS
COMMUNITY
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What Is A Community?
A community is a place where we live together nonviolently, showing respect for our neighbors and living productive and healthy lives. What you do or don't do affects each and everyone of us in a positive way or in a negative way. Negative behavior is unacceptable and people should be held accountable for their harmful behavior. Allow only those who enhance your community into your lives!
Government representatives must also be held accountable when they fail to provide everyone a safe place to live and ways for everyone to reach their full potential.
Special Message
African American or Black American men, women and children, descendants of the enslaved have struggled to belong in a country that has inflicted one of the most horrific crimes against humanity. Against all odds most African American men, women and children have advanced, making great strides due to their own initiatives. Some African American men, women and children still remain behind due to no fault of their own.
I am committed to the process of forgiveness. Much has been done to heal the wounds and pain, and there is more we can do together legally and morally.
The healing process for descendants must include a formal apology from the US government ( S. Con. Res.26-A concurrent resolution apologizing for the enslavement and racial segregation of African Americans), property reparations, psychological healing, and debt cancellation.
I am offering 10 free Counseling sessions to those suffering with trauma related to their family slave history, racism and discrimination, if there is no insurance or other means to pay for services. Unresolved trauma and loss causes anxiety, depression and other mental health concerns that can prevent us from feeling hopeful. Without hope, we remain angry and unfulfilled, never reaching our full potential.
Some of you may not understand "psychological generational trauma". Generational Trauma is not genetic but a consequence of horrible indignities passed psychologically through the generations. We may inflict similar abuses and act out our historical traumas on others.
I remember Frank, a tall African American man, who was in therapy with me for about 4 years. He walked in the therapy room hunched back, as if he were carrying the world on his shoulder. He had come to counseling because he was depressed. He was a young man, but looked much older. He shuffled into the office, taking a very long time to settle in his safe chair. He told me his trauma story bit by bit. One day, after building trust, he said, "My mother often beat me with very thin branches she broke off a bush in our yard. My mother called the branch a 'switch'. My mother is a proud church going Black woman. She dresses to the hilt and sings gospel songs in our Black Church." He finished his story that day by telling me, "I have scars all over my body from the beatings, which started when I was a child. I have not been able to do much like other people. My scars keep me in prison and are reminders of the horrors of the past.
I have no peace of mind."
After more time in counseling, Frank was able to feel less shame, to feel hopeful and start a family of his own, to forgive his mother and others responsible for slavery and and other indignities his family suffered.
Frank's scars no longer kept him from
enjoying the life he prayed for growing up.
Counseling also helps to understand the process of grief, forgiveness and possible reconciliation ( if safe to do so ) after a betrayal. The elements of grief, forgiveness and reconciliation includes a sincere examination of conscience, honesty, and reparations by the USA government representatives.
Counseling also helps those who carry the trauma unconsciously and harm others as Frank's mother born around 1930 had done for many years. Forgiveness and possible reconciliation
( if safe to do so ) is possible.
I am also committed to giving a family or individual a piece of property. I want to promote moral responsibility. I want to be the "change" I wish to see our government make and to see each American make, keeping the promise made to African American or Black American men, women and children years ago.
You may have many reasons why you don't think reparations is the way to resolve loss. You may think it is not fair to hold those who didn't take part in enslaving men, woman and children responsible. You are absolutely right! We should not be blamed for the crimes committed by others.
But let me say, we need an ethical, legal and moral approach to reparations. It must be compassionate, moral and empathic. We must care enough to help each person feel a sense of belonging. People today are not to blame for enslavement, but we are morally responsible to our neighbor and our friend. We are responsible for one another. We need to continue building a society in which personhood applies to everyone and is validated.
I also want to encourage everyone to use loving words and language and refrain from using hateful words or racial slurs toward African American or Black American men, women and children.
We also need to stop calling each other "racist" and using hateful and demoralizing expressions such as "White Privilege", "Uncle Tom", "marginalized people", "minority" , "white devil", "latinx"
(If the term is used in the context of devaluing or erasing Hispanics, Latinas y Latinos from around the world) and other devaluing and violent phrases that erase, shame & divide us.
Demoralizing or using hateful words toward each other only breeds anger, shyness, withdrawal from others, poor school performance, sense of inferiority or superiority, self hate, hatred toward others and defensiveness which creates more division and separation from one another and worse, broken hearts. Hate and fear are the antithesis of inclusion and love.
I do believe in free speech and have done my best to remain peaceful and not respond to insults or verbal aggression when growing up and as an adult.
When challenged, I often rely on songs I have learned as a child. I have sung when challenged, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never harm me" and have relied on the teachings of Jesus, Gandhi,
Mother Teresa, Dr. King and others.
"Sticks and Stones" is reported to have appeared in, The Christian Recorder March 1862, a publication of the African Methodist Episcopal Church.
One last word, the expression "person of color" must be reserved for African American or Black American men, women and children only, to keep the focus on their unique experience. No other group should ride on the coat-tails of African Americans or Black American's personal slave experience, robbing them again of what is due to them legally and morally.
This is unconscionable and fraudulent.
African Americans is the only group of Americans not to have received reparations in the USA. The failure to provide PROPERTY reparations over the last 150 years speaks volumes of our hypocrisy and lack of commitment to racial equality and justice. Property reparations began during Lincoln's presidency and ended after his death.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. called for property reparations, school vouchers for a better and equal education and 100% employment opportunities for African Americans to advance toward equality with other Americans, knowing the healing it would bring to African Americans and all Americans.
Dr. King also called for the end of poverty for all! Over the years we have seen at least a 50% decline in poverty around the world along with other positive changes. Let's do more together and make the dream come true.
Speak words of love and hope.
Acknowledge our tremendous progress toward equality and healing for all to our children.
Read Ten Global Trends by Ronald Baily and Marian L Tupy and listen to the Ten Global Trends podcast with Dr. Jordan Peterson.
Judge people based on their character and behavior and hold them accountable.
Don't judge based on race, ethnicity, gender, weight, class, education, career choice, marital status, number of children a woman has,
religious belief, economic status, etc.
Don't assume someone is bias, racist or a bigot without evidence. There is the assumption that if you attend or allow your children to participate in bias awareness school classes, trainings or groups, that you and your children are bias.
"Bias Awareness" trainings may be emotionally abusive for all children
and may lead to suicide.
Children, teens and adults of all races and
backgrounds are at risk.
We must be gentle and sensitive with one another.
Jane Elliot's "Blue Eyes, Brown Eyes" experiment in the 1960's, is an unethical, non scientific experiment in which the teacher made very young children feel shame for having blue eyes and accused them of being potential racists. Her cure was humiliating and terrorizing them. The children cried and were obviously traumatized. It was an unethical experiment that should horrify us all. Children learn love by loving them and not by teaching violence and self hatred.
I remember a young Asian woman coming to my office and shared she had wanted to jump out of her prestigious NY college window during a "sensitivity" exercise in her mandatory diversity course. The professor asked all the students to stand. He then asked students to step forward, if they had two parents, had money growing up, were "privileged", were not the first generation to enter college, lived in a home and had their own bedroom, have never been a target of racism or prejudice, had food in the home, celebrated holidays, etc. My client went on to say that by the time the professor had asked the last question, many students were at the head of the class, some in the middle, while she and another female student were at the back, not having taken not one step forward. The other woman ran out of the class and never returned to college. My client shared she had been sex trafficked since she was a child by her mother, barely had food to eat and often begged for food and was being supported by a man who was paying for her living expenses,
her apartment and college in exchange for sex.
Over time, this young woman began to heal from her traumatic childhood experiences, to return
to college and live on her own.
She also reconciled with her mother.
If someone should tell you you must take a "sensitivity or diversity" class, say "NO!". It is unethical, degrading and abusive to pit students of diverse backgrounds against each other
and to shame them "to death".
If anyone accuses you and/or your child of being bias or racist, immediately defend yourself legally.
Unfortunately, there is also a pattern of hostility
toward males of school age.
"Advocates" against rape are promoting
in our public schools the belief that
"all male children and teens are potential rapists"
and "all female children and
teens are potential rape victims".
As clinicians, parents, teachers and other responsible adults, it is our job to protect our children, teens and young people from delusional reasoning or
irrational generalizations that may instill fear
and a feeling of alienation, leading to serious mental
health issues and/or suicide.
❤
For more information read and study the
10 Irrational Cognitive Distortions