I am a licensed professional counselor and a registered play therapist specializing in Trauma Focused play therapy and sand play therapy for children, teens, and adults. I am a certified sandplay therapist. I am certified in adoption counseling and trained in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) for adults, teens, and children. I have my own thriving counseling practice and offer effective outpatient, individualized, psychological care. I treat a number of mental health issues and provide a neutral perspective for children, teens, and adults. I provide individual, family, and couples therapy.
I received my BA Degrees in Philosophy and Urban Affairs from St. Peters Jesuit College in Jersey City
and my MA Degree from New Jersey City University
I am a certified grief counselor and worked for the Victim Witness Assistance Program Office of Military Commissions, assisting 9/11 victim family members (VFM) and others who have experienced loss. I traveled with VFM to Guantanamo, Cuba and witnessed pretrial hearings for Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and 4 other alleged September 11 co-conspirators of the September 11 attacks on the Twin Towers killing and injuring over 40,000 men, women and children. These five men have been charged for planning and
aiding financially in the September 11 terrorist attacks.
I am providing trauma and grief counseling to children and their families who were separated at the American borders and have since been reunited and may suffer traumatic stress related symptoms and trauma bonding/Stockholm Syndrome.
I have visited Puerto Rico, where my family is from and shared my book, The Wounded Yellow Butterfly and La Mariposa Amarilla Herida, with the children affected by Hurricane Maria. I provided grief counseling to children harmed by Hurricane Maria. Sadly, the hurricane killed about 90 people, wiped out the rain forest, and damaged homes and property.
Puerto Ricans are resilient, surviving many storms over hundreds of years.
I have donated copies of my books,The Wounded Yellow Butterfly, and La Mariposa Amarilla Herida to victims of natural disasters in Puerto Rico, North Carolina, Texas, South Carolina, and New Jersey. I have donated books to families of police officers killed in the line of duty and children who lost a family member due to community violence. I have donated toys and copies of my book in English and in Spanish to organizations helping children who have crossed the American Borders and children who have witnessed community violence.
I have been married for over 45 years to Brian, my wonderful and loving husband. I am a mother and grandmother. I was inspired to write The Wounded Yellow Butterfly by a real wounded yellow butterfly, the children and families who have allowed me to come along on their healing journeys and my family who emigrated to the USA from Fascist Spain and Communist Cuba seeking political freedom and safety. In Spain and Cuba, the Socialist, Anarchists and Fascists equally participated in violence against innocent people, violating their civil rights by making false accusations against the people, arresting them, torturing, raping, kidnapping, separating family members, turning neighbors against each other and finally murdering men, women and children and the unborn persons.
What is THERAPY?
Most if not all of us have experienced loss and fewer experienced trauma. Loss and traumatic experiences may include but not limited to a betrayal, political betrayal, community violence, sexual abuse, rioting, loss of a pet, divorce, immigration barriers, water contamination, partner or family abandonment, Narcissistic Abuse, harassment or abuse at work and/or school, forced abortion, loss of a child or loved one and other painful losses. Therapy is about healing from loss and/or trauma. Therapy is about finding your own voice. Therapy is democratic. Therapy is liberating. Therapy is free speech. Therapy helps you discover your authentic self. Therapy is caring and an act of self love and love for others. Therapy is about visiting the past to free us to live in the present and plan for the future.
Therapy allows us "...the freedom to experience spontaneous feelings.” -
Alice Miller The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self
Full Circle is when something "comes full circle"; it completes a cycle and returns to its beginnings. "We can go from optimism to pessimism and back to optimism again in our lives." Therapy is like this, too. It is also an “expression of the moment”. You may find these and other definitions on the Web and Webster's Dictionary.
Learn about loving behavior and listen to "Reconciliation" by Thich Nhat Hanh, 2022 Audio Buddha; also listen to "Transforming Suffering" by Thich Nhat Hanh
LOOK FOR THE ❤ FOR SUGGESTED RESOURCES
Message to clients: Always check professional credentials and sources of information and make up your own mind as to what you need, feel and believe! Trust your judgement, intuition and gut feelings! Share your discrimination story with me below by emailing me. Report discrimination.
Message to therapists: Choose love and the peaceful and ethical way. Receive clients and show respect, dignity and civility. Build trust and speak peacefully. Respond to clients in a truly professional way. Listen to BECOMING A BODHISATTVA by Thich Nhat Hanh
Cultural competency reduces suffering and is compassionate, promotes respect, hope, equality, success, dignity, civility, love, forgiveness and reconciliation (if safe), for ALL people including Black, White, Brown, and other races, all classes, all ethnicities, and classes, age, genders, sex, parent, father, mother, female and male, woman and male, transsexual, transgender, and others.
I wish you all the best, Linda
The focus of therapy is to help children, teens and adults become aware of their inner strengths to help each individual grow from their struggles, heal from their pain, and move forward to where individuals want to be in their lives. To achieve this, each person is provided a neutral, safe space from the start in the safe space waiting room where trust can develop and healing can begin.
I will be there for you every step of your healing journey. Your journey may include feeling safe, expressing your feelings, learning to cope with strong feelings, telling your personal story, and making closer connections with others.
I know how important it is to offer office, virtual, and phone counseling. I offer choices. I do not provide in my home office therapy sessions, since they are not covered by New Jersey liability or home insurance.
LOSS is a response to being unable to access someone or
something that is important to you.
TRAUMA is a reaction to a life threatening or overwhelming experience.
GRIEF is what a person experiences after a loss or traumatic event.
Initially children, teens and adults may feel shock or shattered.
It may seem unreal.
After a tragic event or loss, children, teens and adults may have trouble functioning at home, work and/or school. We may feel and/or experience fear, anxiety, or depression. We may have an inability to form or keep relationships, withdrawing from others. We may experience terrifying memories, nightmares and/or flashbacks, and may avoid things or triggers that remind us of the traumatic event. We may also regress and act out uncharacteristically. We may experience physical problems including fatigue, being startled easily, poor concentrating, racing heartbeat, edginess and agitation, aches and pains, muscle tension, nausea, and headaches.
A loss or traumatic event may cause a feeling of hopelessness or meaninglessness of life. We may ask, "Why did this happen to me?".
We all need consistency in our lives. We want to feel in control and make sense of our lives and the world around us. When something tragic happens we want to know “Why?”.
Healing may take weeks, months and even years. Each person is different and his or her healing time should be respected.
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For more information, please read more on trauma, loss and grief at The National Child Traumatic Stress Network and The Trauma Foundation for a video in several languages to help understand trauma.
"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree."- Martin Luther
Counseling helps you feel HOPE and safe again, to express and cope with feelings, to tell your personal stories and reconnect with others.
You may experience grief due to a trauma and/or the loss of a spouse, a betrayal, divorce, human or natural disaster, environmental contamination, war, rioting, bullying, loss of your home, rape, abortion, discrimination, racism, assault, kidnapping, human trafficking
( kidnapped as a child to fight in the Nicaraguan revolution) and other traumatic experiences.
It has been my experience and those of the men, women, and children who have or are healing from loss and/or trauma to report the following stages and symptoms of grief:
Stage 1 possible symptoms
Stage 2 possible symptoms
Stage 3 associated symptoms •Struggling to make sense of the traumatic event and finding meaning in one's experience with loss
Stage 4 associated symptoms
Stage 5 Recovery
Stage 6
Finding Meaning
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Somatic Symptoms
To help understand somatic symptoms please read, "THE BODY NEVER LIES", by Alice Miller, a world-renowned psychoanalyst who was one of the very first to examine the long-ranged consequences of childhood abuse on the body. She wrote how physical and psychological abuse or trauma manifests in adult illnesses.
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The Wounded Yellow Butterfly is a perfect story book for children to help understand the process of grief. This is a story that will take children on a healing journey after a traumatic or difficult experience such as a divorce, loss of a pet, the pandemic, tornado, flood, house fire, loss of a parent, and other experiences.
There are several points of view on the grieving process and the number of stages of grief. It is believed that there are 6 stages of grief.
The first 5 grief stages were introduced to us by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
The 6th stage, "Finding Meaning" is offered to us by David Kessler.
Others believe that one finds meaning and purpose in life in stage 3 while in the midst of our suffering.
In Viktor Frankl's book Man's Search for Meaning, Frankl describes his experience in a Nazi concentration camp and his discovery of his purpose or meaning in life and hope for a future
despite the horrors of the Holocaust.
Grieving after Narcissistic Abuse
After Narcissistic Abuse, education is is one of the 6 stages in the healing process from psychological traumatic loss. Education is part of the healing process. For healing information, watch Narcissistic Abuse From Victim To Survivor in 6 Steps,
by Prof. Sam Valnin.
Counseling will help define your parental role, find comfort, support & confidence with the choices you make.
Choosing Motherhood or Fatherhood over a career or being a "provider" is empowering for the whole family. Being a mother or father is a 24/7 a week responsibility, 100% undivided attention to the task of parenting.
Some positive consequences of staying home i.e., living with less, alleviate work and financial stress, improved mental health, family bonding, finding balance.
Raising a family below one's means or within one's means may be the best choice. You may want to go back to school while raising a family and help the family prepare for the future. Financial aid/free college or trade school is available for those with a modest income.
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For more on being a stay at home parent read, "5 Reasons one parent should stay at home," written by Paul Tracy, 2020
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For more on finances, read Dave Ramsey, "budget percentages explained (2021 edition)," May 30, 2021 and other valuable budgeting information.
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Read Dr. Cloud's book on "Raising Great Kids" and other books on "children and boundaries".
To HOME SCHOOL, check out TheHomeSchoolMom resource page and other resources.
If you are fortunate enough to live in a politically free and wealthy country such as the USA, then you have choices and infinite opportunities.
As you make family choices such as homeschooling, working, being a stay at home mother or father, it is helpful to think that in life,
"YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE!"
Counseling can help you understand yourself better and establish a stronger integrated self. If you are asking, "Who am I?", let's talk about it.
Not having a strong sense of self and/or struggling with identity issues such as with your religion, sexual orientation, political affiliation, gender, race, ethnicity, career choice, spirituality, or other life issue may lead to anxiety and insecurity. An identity crisis may occur due to a big change, age of development, or stressors in your life.
We all have a core identity to be discovered. A core identity is the essence of who you are, the values that lay deep inside you and include your ability to love and be loved.
To Learn more about Gender Identity, it is important to respect, read, listen, discuss and question.
My book mentioned below is a respectful way to support gender identity development.
I Want To Be Just Like My Daddy by Linda Diaz, is a charming story about a little girl who shaves and cuts her hair short like her daddy. This beautiful book explores gender expression and gender identity, the parent and child relationship, protection and respect for a child's development, giving a child time to discover who they are without any medical treatment.
10 % of the proceeds will be used to buy a book for another child and family.
If the book doesn't pop up, enter
I Want To Be Just Like My Daddy
in SEARCH @ bookemon or go to
https://www.bookemon.com/book_read_flip.php?book_id=934982&check
e5b0c4a6dfec804ef378744b46da99e3
"We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves." -The Adult Children of Alcoholics Promises Book.
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Self Awareness: Understanding Your Core Identity. Who Are you at the Core?- Written By Wacuka Stephen
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To support homeless youth and homeless transgender youth support Covenant House.
To learn more about homeless LGBQ and T youth read 'Pose" Stars Make Poignant Plea on Behalf of Homeless LGBQ and T youth. Please consider donating atTRUE COLORS UNITED.
Counseling helps you make reproductive choices including having children if you are poor or have a modest income. Counseling EMPOWERS women and men to make a choice to have children and not to abort their unborn children.
Counseling provides a safe place to share the loss of a pregnancy or infant and to gain a better understanding of the normal grieving and healing process.
Counseling provides both men and women a safe place for sharing your loss after an abortion and to gain a better understanding of the normal grieving and healing process. 10 free post abortion trauma counseling sessions are being offered to those without insurance or
other means to pay.
Counseling is available for men and women who are having difficulty with pregnancy.
For more information contact:
http://www.helpingsurvivors.org/
Please call Linda at the confidential # 201-320-9907 for counseling, assistance and/or referral.
We all have suffering! No one is special, better, gifted, superior, inferior, less than anyone.
Counseling is beneficial to everyone seeking to empower themselves and strengthen their commitment in facing injustices i.e., segregation, hate against White people, racism, sexism, discrimination, domestic violence, gang rape, sexual harassment, told to perform sex to keep your job or to advance in your career (leave, look for another job, tell others, file charges against perpetrators), hate crimes, violence against you for your political affiliation, accusations of sexual assault w/out due process, forced abortion, etc. You may need to explore enabling behavior and find the courage to correct injustices, not look the other way, not ignoring, not tolerating, enabling or excusing them.
Anyone can be a perpetrator of abuse, violence, sexual abuse, rape, trafficking, and other crimes and abuses. Women commit at least 50% of all the abuses and crimes, but are rarely held accountable due to the bias that women by nature are incapable of violence. We need to change our stereotypical view of the perpetrators of abuse and violence especially domestic violence and seriously consider that women are violent predators and choose to abuse children, other women and men. Report all crimes and abuses regardless of the perpetrator's identity and make a difference. Be the change our world needs today.
Remember that anyone can be victimized. If you were targeted by others in the street, in your family, at work, in church, by those who want to get you in trouble, to suffer the loss of your reputation, suffer loss of income, loss of a job, to be arrested, and other traumatic interferences in your life, you were set up to react in self defense to make the real abuser look good and the "victim",
Empowerment Training is available. To be empowered is to recognize when you are being set up to react in self defense. Some conflicts that disempower you are set up by narcissists and criminals to hurt you. These conflicts are unresolvable and are categorized as "abuse." and/or a "crime" and may lead to legal problems for you while the perpetrator is free of all consequences. Learn about "reactive abuse" and how to avoid it! WALK AWAY or run away AND CALL THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY!
Listen to Dr. Les Carter, How Narcissists Set You Up For 'Reactive Abuse' ask for more information at 201-320-9907 or by email ldiazmurphy@gmail.com.
Victims of crimes are strongly advised to seek medical, psychological, legal and spiritual support as well as filing a police report. Filing a police report may save your life and someone else's life, save a child from being sex trafficked, may prevent another woman or man from being raped, may protect your community and your family, neighbors and friends from undue violence and more. You may call this office for assistance to the police department to file a complaint and/or sexual assault charges and accompaniment to the hospital for a rape exam. Audio Recording sexual harassment and work abuse, calling the police, walking away and/or removing yourself from unsafe people or a dangerous situation is empowering and protecting yourself and others. If you do not leave a dangerous and abusive situation, you may be thinking it is your fault and to blame, others won't believe you, you will lose everything you worked for, and your family or community will turn against you. You are never to blame and there are people who care and many more opportunities for you. The abuser wants you to think that you will suffer more if you tell. If this is the case, you may be suffering with chronic guilt and/or Stockholm Syndrome. Someone will believe you but it is strongly advisable to gather evidence, call the police and seek support. Be safe. Trust yourself!
Counseling can provide you and your loved ones a safe place to explore what being safe is, who are the safe and unsafe people, and how to keep yourself and others you love safe.
Real cultural competency reduces suffering and is compassionate, promotes respect, hope, equality, success, dignity, civility, love, forgiveness and reconciliation for ALL people including Black, White, Brown, and other races, all ethnicities and classes, age, genders, sex, parent, father, mother, female and male, woman and male, transsexual, transgender, LGBQ and others.
Learn about loving behavior and listen to "Reconciliation" by Thich Nhat Hanh, 2022 Audio Buddha; also listen to "Transforming Suffering" by Thich Nhat Hanh
Counseling helps you explore your spirituality.
Join a healthy spirituality training and or group that encourages peace, calm, respect for real diversity (which includes free thought and free speech, free choice), unity, love, respect for all people, acceptance, forgiveness and reconciliation, meditation, mindfulness, and relaxation.
Read about Jesus, Sister Theresa, Dr. Martin Luther King, Pope John XXIII, Mahatma Gandhi and others to learn about love, forgiveness, courage, integrity, empowerment, humbleness and true spirituality!
It is highly recommended you ask if there are any biases when joining a spirituality group, taking a course and trainings so you can make an informed decision. Learn more about NARCISSISTIC ABUSE and cult induction to avoid unsafe people and avoid being abused and/or discriminated against for your race, nationality, ethnicity, gender, political affiliation, spirituality, religion, and more.
Spirituality is about self acceptance and love for others, believing in God or a higher power, about compassion, love, forgiveness and accountability. It is never about hate, devaluation and discarding (erasing your identity) others. If you are dealing with narcissism seek counseling immediately. Narcissism destroys your identity and your spirituality.
Counseling can provide you and your loved ones a safe place to explore what being safe is, who are the safe and unsafe people, and how to keep yourself and others you love safe.
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What is a Cult and How Does it Work? (Margaret Singer) International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA) Youtube published 10/12/2014
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Grieving after Narcissistic Abuse
After Narcissistic Abuse, education is is one of the 6 stages in the healing process from psychological traumatic loss. Education is part of the healing process. For healing information, watch Narcissistic Abuse From Victim To Survivor in 6 Steps, by Prof. Sam Valnin.
I highly recommend attending How to integrate Spirituality and Psychotherapy in Clinical Practice, sponsored by CE-Go and presented by Donald Meichenbaum, PhD., to promote love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible.
Learn about loving behavior and listen to "Reconciliation" by Thich Nhat Hanh, 2022 Audio Buddha; also listen to "Transforming Suffering" by Thich Nhat Hanh
To promote love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible, read Forgiveness and Collective Guilt Assignment to Historical Perpetrator Groups Depend on Level of Social Category Inclusiveness by Michael Wohl & Nyla Branscombe
Counseling can help you find clarity and purpose in life. What is your purpose in Life? Four of my mother's first cousins grew up in Puerto Rico in a wooden shack with no electricity or running water in the 1930's and 40's as did many other young people.
Gratefully, there was an explosion of jobs and many opportunities and most people experienced financial success and upward mobility in the 50', 60's and 70's. My great uncle Bado their father cut sugar cane and milked cows on their Finca until his death. My Great Tia Carmen was a Taino from Puerto Rico who was a hard working stay at home mother who believed in counseling. She once told me she went into counseling to understand her historical trauma and to find closure for the loss of her parents who died when very young as did my Great uncle's mother.
I believe she and the women in my life may be the reason I am a trauma therapist and a grief counselor. Three of my Tia Carmen's children became social workers and one became an owner of a Beauty Salon.
Tia Carmen planted "the seed of purpose" in each of us as did many if not all of my family members who suffered historical and other traumas. When Great Tia Carmen married my Great Uncle Bado, my grandmother's brother, they were in love. My great uncle was Spanish and French. My Spanish and French great, great, great, great grandparents settled in Puerto Rico in the 1600's along with people from more than 50 other countries.
They were poor but loving and hopeful. After hundreds of years, we are reaping the benefits of their hard work, their suffering and their love, their hopefulness, and their sacrifices.
Be grateful for what our ancestors did for us. Find your purpose to continue to help future generations reap the benefits in Puerto Rico and around the world.
FINANCIAL WELLNESS
Financial wellness means your basic needs are being met i.e., food, water, clothing, sleep, shelter/housing, psychological care and spiritual needs, medical care, and education/technical training, and employment opportunities. For those living below the poverty level, these services must be free and made available.
To achieve Financial Wellness you may consider
doing the following:
If you are with children, and in need of assistance, contact your local Welfare Department for immediate assistance for food, rent, medical and funds for other needs
Contact local churches and shelters for food assistance and shelter
We should all
Keep a weekly budget
Monitor Daily Spending
Start an Emergency Fund
Live within your means or
below your means
Start a savings account
Live debt free
Invest in Property
Believe you can experience financial wellness and act on it
Don't hate money
Don't hate rich people who inherited wealth or are self-made
Change your attitude about money
Understand and respect wealth
Explore the source of your beliefs about money, wealth, poverty,
Start a retirement plan
Make donations/give back to those who are truly in need
Plan mini vacations
and wellness experiences
Learning to be financially secure is necessary to achieve financial wellness. In therapy, you can explore messages you received about money, poverty, wealth, rich people, etc, and change those beliefs that keep you
from achieving financial wellness.
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https://www.ramseysolutions.com
Wanna Build Wealth? Avoid these money mistakes (feat. Naftali Horowitz) Kosher Money episode 2
Depression, fear, and anxiety are some of the most common and uncomfortable emotions that children, teens and adults may experience at some point in their lives. Through sand play therapy, children, teens and adults may recover motivation, perspective, and joy that they once had in their lives.
Many children and teens can experience symptoms associated with painful and traumatic circumstances. Anxiety, fear, and hopelessness are a few emotions that can linger after traumatic events. Children and teens can overcome these symptoms and helped with caring guidance through the process of grief and healing.
Family counseling can be beneficial to all members in the family looking to strengthen their emotional connections. Therapy sessions are held with family members in a supportive environment to discuss issues and solutions to better relate to one another.
Couples Counseling helps to understand the process of grief, forgiveness and reconciliation (optional) after a betrayal. The elements of reconciliation includes a sincere examination of conscience, honesty, reparations and forgiveness.
To understand the choices that can build or destroy loving relationships, read "Boundaries in Marriage" by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend.
Therapy helps you find hope and balance in your life!
Therapy can help you feel safe again.
Therapy can help you cope with your loss.
Therapy can help you express your feelings.
Therapy can help you feel closer to others.
Therapy provides a safe place to tell your story.
Father and son said, "Attending therapy helped us feel as if we had built a kaleidoscope as the animals and insects in the story had done after the storm. We have picked up the pieces of broken glass, built our kaleidoscope and saw a new way to care for ourselves by attending another school which encouraged success (not failure) and nonviolence (not violence) helped us move on with our lives." -Grady and Jamal
I realized in therapy, "I may be wounded like the wounded yellow butterfly, but I too can still fly even after the domestic and sexual abuse. I found that once I redefined the language that kept me stuck in the Self Blame/Guilt and Shame Cycle after abuse, I was able to heal and protect myself. I stopped believing I was 'guilty' for a crime I did not commit. I learned to redefine the term 'guilt' as a legal term reserved for the perpetrator of abuse or a crime and not about me at all. I began to understand trauma bonding/Stockholm Syndrome and how this affected me, made me defend and return to my abuser. I also learned to use a Venn Diagram to show when a problem is mine, when a problem belongs to someone else, and when a problem belongs to me and another person. After learning whose problem it is, I was able to defend and protect myself and my children by calling the police. I was afraid my abuser would act out toward the police too and go to jail and it would be my fault, if my abuser got hurt or went to jail. In reality everyone is responsible for themselves and the consequences that follow. " - Anya
"Therapy helped me find peace and love living in two homes just like the butterfly, the animals and insects rebuilt and found peace in their garden." -Rachel
"Losing my pet was like going through the terrible storm like in the story. But I feel better today. Therapy helped me through the sad days and to remember the happy days just like the garden insects and animals remembered things in the past." - Christina
"In therapy I learned I am lovable and have value even if both of my parents neglected and abused me. I learned how to forgive.
I am with a new family now and it is a new day just like the new day in the peaceful garden where the the wounded yellow butterfly, the rainbow butterflies and bird family live. I got a second chance just like the wounded yellow butterfly." - Tommy
In therapy, I was able to learn new skills to defend myself, to help me feel better and feel safe again just like the yellow butterfly, animals and insects in the story did after they experienced a terrible storm. I was able to return to school and make friends. I am also able to trust the police and recognize my parents, my toys and my family again.
I am from Honduras. I was kidnapped from my father at the Mexico/USA border about 3 years ago. We had to leave my country because my family received violent threats from gang members who wouldn't allow my parents to travel to their jobs because they worked in other gang controlled towns. Sometimes I would see dead bodies on the ground.The police were afraid, too.The police often did not help enough to keep us safe.
After I was taken from my father at the border and put in a van, I was taken to a stranger's house. I was unable to sleep and eat. I had nightmares of being pulled from my father's arms. I was "separated" from my father for 2 months and had little to eat and a thin blanket to keep warm at night where I lived in a strange house with people who would often yelled at me to 'stop crying'. After being with my foster parents, I began to believe they were my real father and mother. My father was in prison for 3 months for crossing the border. I was reunited with him after being separated for 2 months and we both spent a month in prison together. I did not recognize him & couldn't believe he was my real father. Once we were released from prison, I was shown pictures of my family and given old toys and my old clothing, I learned about Stockholm Syndrome and how this made me believe things that weren't true. I slowly began to remember my father, my mother, my toys and clothing. I finally remembered my family and life after my kidnapping at the American border.
I was afraid of the police and would scream and cry and hide behind cars or run away from my father to protect myself. I had trouble concentrating in school and was often sent home when I had crying spells and couldn't concentrate. Older boys followed me in the school yard and isolated and bullied me like boys did in the center where I stayed before going to my foster parent's home to live. I felt very afraid and sad most of the time. I didn't know how to defend myself anymore.
Today, my family and me are happier and safer, but we will never forget what happened to us. We have forgiven everyone who hurt us. We put the past behind us and look to the future, hoping for a safer and better life as citizens of the USA ."-Manuel
Dependency, addiction, slavery and nihilism are one and the same thing
defined as when a person feels helpless, submissive or believes they are incapable of taking care of themselves. They are a slave to a master. The master could be any person and/or drug. They may have trouble making decisions for themselves. The dependent person gives up on life and self.The dependent person becomes homeless, becomes physically and/or mentally ill, the ultimate self fulfilling prophecy and dies from an overdose (codependents are known to have purchased life insurance
to collect after the overdose of their adult child), suicide or experiences an alcohol related coma.
But with counseling and addiction treatment, you can learn to be self reliant and care for yourself and find freedom from trauma, dependency, bondage and slavery. This is an abusive relationship in which a person (codependent) or drug is taking advantage of a person who needs help to rise up for him or herself.
Read Addicted to Trauma Bonding? Prof. Sam Vaknin
What is addiction, really? It is a sign, a signal, a symptom of distress. It is a language that tells us a plight that must be understood.” ― ❤Alice Miller, Read Breaking Down the Wall of Silence: The Liberating Experience of Facing a Painful Truth.
The use of drugs without a prescription is illegal. Using street drugs is a sign of a problem! Teach your children and teens that there is no such thing as "experimentation". Abusing prescription drugs is harmful. Using illegal drugs and the abuse of medication may cause medical problems, coma and/or death. If you suspect someone is giving or selling drugs to children or teens, report immediately to the police and/or your local children's protective services. Marijuana may cause psychosis, suicidal ideation, paranoia, brain damage, lower IQ, and other serious psychological and medical problems.
There is no such thing as "experimentation".
Alcohol is a sign there is a problem!
Teach your children and teens that
there is no such thing as "experimentation".
Drinking may cause medical problems,
coma and/or death.
If you suspect someone is giving or selling alcohol to children or teens, report immediately to the police and/or your local children's protective services.
Take someone to the hospital or call 911 to go to the hospital if they are in and out of consciousness or passed out. If you don't,
they may end up in a permanent coma.
Acting out sexual behavior may be a sign of a sexual abuse trauma. Early sexual behavior is not "experimentation" but a sign there may be a serious problem.
If you suspect sexual abuse of children or teens, or you may be an adult of childhood sexual abuse, gender identity abuse and/or rape, report immediately to the police and/or your
local child protective services to protect others.
Before consenting to an adult sexual relationship learn more about sexual grooming, narcissism and gaslighting.
Learn more about narcissism, gaslighting and grooming to empower yourself, men and women, children and teens against sexual abuse, unwanted sexual contact, sexual harassment, rape and other sexual abuses.
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What is sexual grooming? Identifying the 6 stages by Lewis and Llewellyn
sexualabuselawfirm.com
Understanding Sexual Grooming in Child Abuse Cases by Daniel Pollack and Andrea Maclver.
Understanding Grooming in Adult Relationships by Kayla Tricaso
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The Psychology of Adult Sexual Grooming: Sinnamon's Seven-Stage Model of Adult Sexual Grooming by Grant Sinnamon
I have a BA in Philosophy with an emphasis on Peace & Justice studies from St. Peter's Jesuit College
in Jersey City, New Jersey.
I was trained in school mediation, family and community conflict resolution, and nonviolent activism.
I also studied w/the Quakers at the Fellowship of Reconciliation and other religious
and non religious groups.
I am now dedicating time to the study of "forgiveness" and how it may be applied as an intervention where healing is needed after a betrayal.
The Children's Peace and Justice Program promotes love and respect for the poor, modest income, working class, middle class and rich persons, Asian, African Americans, White, Indigenous and Biracial persons, persons of different ethnicity and nationalities (including Hispanics, Latina, Latinos y Lantix), religious and nonreligious persons, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, educated and uneducated, the unborn persons, disabled persons and persons who may find themselves the target of discrimination, racism, bigotry, bias, hate and violence. Report all crimes and abuses to the police and file complaints at the organizations and/or workplaces where an incident has taken place.
We are members of several groups and always an individual with full personhood and potentiality.
To learn about the protection of animals and children and the teachings of "Peace" to children, read the history of The American Humane Society, an organization that began to protect all children regardless of race, age, gender etc from abuse in neglect when no one else did.
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PEACE & LOVE make the world go round!
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https://www.americanhumane.org/about-us/history
THE FIVE PEACE AND JUSTICE THEMES
1. AFFIRMATION
Learn to affirm yourself and demonstrate gratefulness and love for yourself and others. I often ask children and adults to share what they are grateful for. These are some of their responses:
My wealth, my home, food, GOD, shelter, a free education, water, social services, dentist, doctors, friends, books, pencils, paper, a car, a phone, a computer, parents, teachers, libraries, kindness, peace, just laws, a protective government, work, money, My Faith, my family, good health, my pets, flowers, pretty things to look at, art, music, a place to sleep, a floor, a roof, grandparents, living in the USA, my church, clean air, healthcare, Israel, colors, flowers, trees, America, and so much more.
WHAT ARE YOU GRATEFUL FOR?
2. COMMUNICATION
Learn how to express yourself through assertive nonviolent communication.
3. CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Gain a better understanding of the underlying reasons of conflict .
Learn negotiation skills to resolve most conflicts.
Learn to recognize safe places, people and things.
Learn to protect and defend yourself from bullying, narcissistic abuse and other forms of violence.
Training to intervene on your own behalf and to help someone who is being harmed.
We are grateful to all the brave people who protect and defend us and especially parents who defend their children.
Learn about loving behavior and listen to "Reconciliation" by Thich Nhat Hanh, 2022 Audio Buddha
To promote love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible, read Forgiveness and Collective Guilt Assignment to Historical Perpetrator Groups Depend on Level of Social Category Inclusiveness by Michael Wohl & Nyla Branscombe Empowerment training is available.
REACTIVE ABUSE
To be empowered is to recognize when you are being set up to react in self defense. Some conflicts that disempower you are set up by narcissists and criminals to hurt and provoke you. These conflicts are unresolvable and are categorized as "abuse." and/or a "crime and may lead to legal problems for you.
If you were targeted by an abuser or abusers, in the street, in your family, at work, in church, in school, in your community, on the bus, renting a street bike, walking your dog, at the supermarket, and other places, who want to get you in trouble, to suffer the loss of your reputation, loss of income, loss of a job, to be arrested, and other traumatic interferences in your life,
you were set up to react in self defense to make the real abuser look good and the "victim".
Learn about "reactive abuse" and how to avoid it!
WALK AWAY AND CALL THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY!
Listen to Dr. Les Carter, How Narcissists Set You Up For 'Reactive Abuse' ask for more information
at 201-320-9907 or by email ldiazmurphy@gmail.com.
4. COOPERATION
Learn how to cooperate with safe people. You can not cooperate with evil.
5. CULTURAL APPRECIATION
WE each have a historical trauma story and need to heal from the past. Healing includes telling your community, family and personal stories, engaging in the process of grief,
forgiveness and possible reconciliation.
We do this by adults demonstrating courage, sharing our experiences and our trauma stories to other adults who will listen non-defensively. We can embrace each other and show children we can move beyond our pain and loss and spare our children.
We also do this by bringing our children and young people together to share our food, our art, our books, our holidays, our customs, our traditional clothing, our dances, our songs, our stories, our way of life, our traditions, values and beliefs, our religions, and our lives. We validate and acknowledge one another and promote personhood for each and every one of us, including ALL unborn human babies from around the world with immeasurable potential!
Cultural depreciation (Narcissism, antisocial and/or hateful belief system) or appropriation destroys, shames, devalues, discards,
ridicules, degrades, and steals from others.
When we dare to let go of control and share our language, art, music, traditions,
literature, food, stories, religion, etc,
We are promoting trust, self-respect and self-protection.
Cultural borrowing and transmission are the most powerful weapons against narcissism, racism, hate,
forced cultural assimilation,
totalitarianism and the extinction of cultures (erasing).
The borrowing and transmission of elements of cultures are not in itself problematic.
The cultural borrowing and transmission of ideas have been going on since the beginning of time. The borrowing and transmission of our ideas, traditions, and creative works is what makes a multicultural world society a wonderful reality and supports our existence.
The process of borrowing and transmitting connects us and helps us survive and reach our human potential.
If you borrow and transmit ideas from another culture, not your own, by creating art, music or using ideas of other cultures,
Do it in a positive and enhancing way,
contribute financially (give credit, donate and consider royalties),
acknowledge their origins and engage with others who are beautifully different than you are.
I donate 10% to children when I sell my beautiful and calming dream catchers.
Sharing is caring and an expression
of love for our differences!
Let's share our truth, cultures, and our love.
Forgiveness and Collective Guilt Assignment to Historical Perpetrator Groups Depend on Level of Social Category Inclusiveness
by Michael Wohl & Nyla Branscombe
Learn more about the violence perpetrated by Fascism, Socialism and Communism around the world
Real cultural competency reduces suffering and is compassionate, promotes respect, dignity, civility, love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible.
Learn about loving behavior and listen to "Reconciliation" by Thich Nhat Hanh, 2022 Audio Buddha;
also listen to "Transforming Suffering" by Thich Nhat Hanh
Watch the Oscar Winning Movie Everything Everywhere All at Once, a story about fighting evil/nihilism, the belief that life is meaningless, and the belief promulgated by fascists, socialists and communists.
❤What Is a "Beloved Community"?
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. defined a beloved community as, "... a group of people that come together to make dreams come true, to prosper, to love one another, to solve problems, to hold each other accountable, to expect success, to use one's imagination ...."
African American or Black American men, women, and children, descendants of the enslaved have struggled to belong in a country that has inflicted one of the most horrific crimes against humanity. Against all odds most African American men, women and children have advanced, making great strides due to their own initiatives. Some African American men, women, and children still remain behind due many reasons including psychological generational trauma and scapegoating.
The healing process for descendants must include a formal apology from the US government ( S. Con. Res.26-A concurrent resolution apologizing for the enslavement and racial segregation of African Americans), property reparations for those who have no property of their own, free psychological services for healing, and debt cancellation for the poor and working families.
I am offering 10 free counseling sessions to those suffering from trauma and/or loss related to their family slave history, racism and discrimination and political violence, if there is no insurance or other means to pay for services. Unresolved trauma and loss cause anxiety, depression and other mental health concerns that can prevent us from feeling hopeful. Without hope, we remain angry and unfulfilled, never reaching our full potential.
Some of you may not understand "psychological generational trauma." Generational trauma is not genetic, but a consequence of horrible indignities passed psychologically through the generations stemming from slavery and other indignities such as communism and Fascism. We may inflict similar abuses and act out our historical traumas on others in the form of child abuse, domestic violence and hate crimes.
I remember Frank, a tall African American man who was in therapy with me for about 4 years. He walked in the therapy room, hunched back as if he were carrying the world on his shoulder. He had come to counseling because he was depressed. He was a young man but looked much older. He shuffled into the office, taking a very long time to settle in his safe chair. He told me his trauma story bit by bit. One day, after building trust, he said, "My mother often beat me with very thin branches she broke off a bush in our yard. My mother called the branch a 'switch'." He finished his story that day by telling me, "I have scars all over my body from the beatings, which started when I was a child. I have not been able to do much like other people. My scars keep me in prison and are reminders of the horrors of the past. I have no peace of mind."
Overtime, Frank was able to feel less shame, to feel hopeful and start a family of his own, to forgive his mother (but could not reconcile due to the undue violence) and those responsible for slavery and other indignities his family suffered. Frank's scars no longer keep him from enjoying the life he prayed for growing up.
I remember a man from Spain who called himself Jose who came for counseling. After sometime in counseling, he told me that when he was a child he witnessed brutality, murder and civil war between his neighbors, friends and family members. You could not trust anyone. Each person in Spain during the civil war chose to be either a communist, an anarchist or fascist. You told on friends, neighbors and family members to avoid losing your job, prison, torture and death. The Communists and Anarchist burned down churches, tortured and murdered Christians including Nuns and Priests. The Fascist abused, tortured and murdered communist and Spaniards who did not conform to Franco's Fascism. Fascists hated Jews and made them convert to Christianity or expelled from Spain with no where to go.
Many mass graves have been recovered since then. Fear and hate had taken over the country, rather than courage, love and trust. Jose had been so traumatized that he did not allow his children to share their thoughts openly with any one and demanded complete silence from his children to protect them from harm, although they lived in a free society where free speech and expressing your thoughts were encouraged and protected in the USA. He could not recover fully from the political terror and loss. Civil war had destroyed his country, his family, his faith and hope in humanity. Jose once said, Imagine what love could have done for Spain and all of us. It is a warning to us all to take heed in the most important message of all from Jesus which is to 'love your neighbor as yourself'. -Matthew 22:39.
Counseling helps to understand the process of grief, forgiveness, and possible reconciliation ( if safe to do so ) after a betrayal. The elements of grief, forgiveness, and reconciliation include a sincere examination of conscience, honesty, and reparations by the USA government representatives and those who caused others harm. It is also the victim's decision to forgive and reconcile.
I believe reparations are morally necessary for healing. I want to promote moral responsibility. I want to be the "change" I wish to see all governments make reparations for slavery, war, civil war, political terror, genocide and exterminations.
You may have many reasons why you don't think reparations for American slavery to resolve trauma or loss. You may think it is not fair to hold those who didn't take part in enslaving men, women, and children responsible. You are absolutely right! We should not be blamed for the crimes committed by others.
But let me say, we need an ethical, legal, and moral approach to reparations. It must be compassionate. We must care enough to help each person feel a sense of belonging. People today are not to blame for enslavement, but we are morally responsible to our neighbors and our friends. We are responsible for one another. We need to continue building healthy relationships, families, communities and a society in which personhood applies to
everyone and is validated.
We need to all heal from the crime of slavery and other indignities we have experienced in our families. Similarly, I believe that individuals who were abused as a child and/or adult have a right to sue for damages (the effects of the abuse) against the state, family member, teacher, priest etc if real/physical and/or documents of evidence is provided to support the claim of abuse and or neglect.
I also want to encourage everyone to use loving words and language and refrain from using hateful words or racial slurs toward African American or Black American men, women, and children.
Demoralizing or using hateful words toward each other only breeds anger, shyness, withdrawal from others, poor school performance, sense of inferiority or superiority, self hate, hatred toward others and defensiveness which creates more division and separation from one another and worse, broken hearts. Hate and fear are the antithesis of inclusion and love. I believe in adding and not subtracting!
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TO LEARN MORE ABOUT NARCISSISM & HATE listen to 26 words you need to know about narcissism utube
by NARCDAILY-YOU ARE NOT ALONE
When challenged, I often rely on songs I have learned as a child. I have sung when challenged, Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never harm me! and have relied on the teachings of Jesus, Gandhi, Dr. King and others who taught us about love, justice, forgiveness and reconciliation.
"Sticks and Stones" is reported to have appeared in The Christian Recorder March 1862, a publication of the African Methodist Episcopal Church.
One last word, the expression "person of color," must be reserved for African American or Black American men, women, and children only to keep the focus on their unique experience. No other group should ride on the coat-tails of African Americans or Black American's personal slave experience, robbing them again of what is due to them legally and morally. This is unconscionable and fraudulent.
African Americans are the only group of Americans not to have received reparations in the USA. The failure to provide PROPERTY reparations over the last 150 years speaks volumes of our hypocrisy and lack of commitment to racial equality and justice. Property reparations began during Lincoln's Presidency and ended after his death.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. called for property reparations, school vouchers for a better and equal education and 100% employment opportunities for African Americans to advance toward equality with other Americans, knowing the healing it would bring to African Americans and all Americans.
Dr. King also called for the end of poverty for all! Over the years, we have seen at least a 50% decline in poverty around the world, along with other positive changes. Let's do more together and make the dream come true.
Speak words of love and hope.
Acknowledge our tremendous progress toward equality and healing for all to our children.
Read Ten Global Trends by Ronald Baily and Marian L. Tupy and listen to the Ten Global Trends podcast with Dr. Jordan Peterson.
Judge people based on their character and behavior and hold them accountable.
Don't judge people based on race, ethnicity, gender, weight, class, education, career choice, marital status, number of children a woman has, religious belief, economic status, political affiliation, etc.
If your child is being psychologically abused, physically removed from their classmates and classroom, taught to self hate and/or hate others, remove your child immediately from the violent environment, file a complaint against the offender and/or school or other institution or person for discrimination, file a lawsuit and/
or civil rights and/or criminal charges.
As clinicians, parents, teachers and other responsible adults, it is our job to protect our children, teens and young people from delusional reasoning or irrational generalizations that may instill fear
and a feeling of alienation, leading to serious mental health issues, homicide and/or suicide.
Video
"Healing Ancestral Trauma: What is Epigenetic and Why Does it"
Pendle Hill USA, December 2020 with Erva Baden
Video
"How do I Heal From Family Trauma?" Heal Damage of By Tamara Hill, MS NCCC CCPT
For more information read and study the 10 Irrational Cognitive Distortions and seek counseling with a therapist who respects you, promotes non violence and love, has the training and certifications to treat mental health issues and trauma; and very importantly, has a neutral, non political counseling perspective.
To learn more read Joe Navarro's essay in Psychology Today, When the Narcissist Fails.
Atonement and Forgiveness:
A New Model For Black Reparations by Roy Brooks
To promote love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible, read, Collective Guilt Assignment to Historical Perpetrator Groups Depend on Level of Social Category Inclusiveness
by Michael Wohl & Nyla Branscombe
To learn more about loving behavior listen to
Reconciliation by Thich Nhat Hanh, 2022 Audio Buddha
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