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Welcome
Linda Diaz-Murphy
Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Grief & Trauma CBT Specialist,
Registered Play & Certified Sand Play Therapist
Who Am I * Safe Place * The Healing Journey
Linda Diaz-Murphy, LPC, RPT, CTTS, TF-CBT, LCADC
I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Registered Play Therapist specializing in CBT-Trauma Focused Play Therapy and Sand Play Therapy for children, teens, and adults.
I am a Certified Sandplay Therapist.
I am a Certified Adoption Counselor and trained in
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) for adults, teens, and children.
I also offer counseling to heal from Narcissistic Abuse/Psychological Abuse.
I have my own thriving counseling practice and offer
effective outpatient, individualized, psychological care.
I treat a number of mental health issues and provide
a neutral perspective for children, teens, and adults.
I provide individual, family, and couples therapy.
I received my BA Degrees in Philosophy and BA in Urban Affairs from
St. Peters Jesuit College in Jersey City and my MA Degree from New Jersey City University.
I am a Certified Grief Counselor and worked for the Victim Witness Assistance Program Office of Military Commissions, assisting 9/11 victim family members (VFM) and others who have experienced loss. I traveled with VFM to Guantanamo, Cuba and witnessed pretrial hearings for Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and 4 other alleged September 11 co-conspirators of the September 11 attacks on the Twin Towers killing and injuring over
40,000 men, women and children. These five men have been
charged for planning and aiding financially in the September 11 terrorist attacks.
I am providing trauma and grief counseling to children and their families who were separated at the American borders and have since been reunited and may suffer traumatic stress related symptoms and trauma bonding/Stockholm Syndrome.
Each immigration trauma story, past and present, is a testament to the human spirit!
I have visited Puerto Rico, where my family is from and shared my book,
The Wounded Yellow Butterfly and La Mariposa Amarilla Herida,
with the children affected by Hurricane Maria. I provided grief counseling to children
harmed by Hurricane Maria. Sadly, the hurricane
killed about 90 people, wiped out the rain forest, and damaged homes and property.
Puerto Ricans are resilient,
surviving many storms over hundreds of years.
I have donated copies of my books,The Wounded Yellow Butterfly,
& La Mariposa Amarilla Herida
to victims of natural disasters in Puerto Rico,
North Carolina, Texas,
South Carolina, and New Jersey.
I have donated books to families of police officers
killed in the line of duty and children who lost a family member due to community violence.
I have been married for over 45 years to Brian, a retired police officer, and my wonderful and loving husband. I am a mother and grandmother. I was inspired to write The Wounded Yellow Butterfly by a real wounded yellow butterfly flying in my garden, the children and families who have allowed me to come along on their healing journeys and my family who emigrated to the USA from Fascist Spain and Communist Cuba seeking political freedom and safety. In Spain and Cuba, the Socialist, Anarchists and Fascists equally participated in the violence against innocent people, violating their civil rights, making false accusations against the people, arresting them,
torturing, raping, kidnapping, separating family members,
turning neighbors against each other, burning down churches and finally
murdering Christians and Jews, Intellectuals, Philosophers, Professors, rich, middle class
and poor women and children and the unborn persons. Communist,
Fascist and Anarchist are purely hateful, criminal and exploitative people.
What is THERAPY?
Most if not all of us have experienced loss and/or trauma. Loss and traumatic experiences may include but not limited to a betrayal, political betrayal, community violence, sexual abuse, rioting, loss of a pet, divorce, immigration barriers, water contamination, partner or family abandonment, Narcissistic Abuse, family alienation, harassment or abuse at work and/or school, forced abortion, loss of a child or loved one and other painful experiences. Therapy is about healing from loss and/or trauma. Therapy is about finding your own voice. Therapy is democratic. Therapy is liberating. Therapy is free speech. Therapy helps you discover your authentic self. Therapy is caring and an act of self love and love for others. Therapy is educational. Therapy is about visiting the past to free us to live in the present and plan for the future.
Therapy allows us "...the freedom to experience spontaneous feelings.” -
Alice Miller The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self
Full Circle is when something "comes full circle"; it completes a cycle and returns to its beginnings. "We can go from optimism to pessimism and back to optimism again in our lives." Therapy is like this, too. It is also an “expression of the moment”. You may find these and other definitions on the Web and Webster's Dictionary.
Listen to "Transforming Suffering" by Thich Nhat Hanh
LOOK FOR THE ❤ FOR SUGGESTED RESOURCES
I offer counseling to all clients including conservative clients of all faiths, sexual orientation,
age, race, ethnicity, and others. I am registered with the National Directory for
Conservative Professionals and promote respect for all people.
My Message to clients is that you should always check professional credentials and sources of information and make up your own mind as to what you need, feel and believe! Trust your judgement, intuition
and gut feelings! Professionals should always put aside their personal and
political beliefs and focus on the needs of their clients.
My message to therapists is choose love and the peaceful and ethical way. Receive clients and show respect, dignity and civility. Build trust and speak peacefully. Respond to clients in a truly professional way by putting aside your personal and
political beliefs and focusing on the needs of your clients.
Listen to BECOMING A BODHISATTVA by Thich Nhat Hanh
Cultural competency reduces suffering and is compassionate, promotes respect, hope, equality, success, dignity, civility, love, forgiveness and reconciliation (if safe), for ALL people including all races, all classes,
all ethnicities, age, genders, sex, parent, father, mother,
female and male, woman and men, lesbian,
gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, and others.
The Mend Project - Helping Victims Of Abuse
The Mend Project Https://www.themendproject.com
The Mend Project helps victims of abuse, as well as counselors & therapists who help them. Providing healing and support for all those touched by abuse. Reach out to begin healing.
I provide resources on my website to reach people of many backgrounds,
beliefs and values that reflect decency, dignity, love and compassion.
OUR PRAYERS ARE FOR THE ISRAELI AND PALESTINIAN PEOPLE!
We CONDEMN TERRORIST GROUPS HAMAS , PLO and HEZBOLLAH, and all communist, anarchists and fascists groups. WE condemn all terrorist and extremists groups including but not limited to the Frente Sandinista de Liberacion National (FSLN), Irish Republican Army (IRA), The Puerto Rican Fuerzas Armadas de Liberación Nacional Puertorriqueña (FALN) Party, etc. Each terrorist group keeps people in poverty, in isolation and slavery. They kidnap children to fight in their unjust revolutions and unjust wars promoted by Liberation Theology and other violent anti democratic philosophies. Terrorists physically and sexually abuse the children, starve them and in many cases murder or use them as "human shields" to avoid being military targets.
Listen to Arnold Schwarzenegger's "Loser Like My Nazi Father", An 'Anti-Hate Message Amidst Amid Israel Hamas War
I wish PEACE for ALL, Linda
Safe Place: The Waiting Room
The focus of therapy is to help children, teens and adults become aware of their inner strengths to help each individual grow from their struggles, heal from their pain, and move forward to where individuals want to be in their lives. To achieve this, each person is provided a neutral, safe space from the start in the safe space waiting room where trust can develop and healing can begin.
The Healing Journey
I will be there for you every step of your healing journey. Your journey may include feeling safe, expressing your feelings, learning to cope with strong feeling
telling your personal story, and
making closer connections with others.
Virtual counseling services available
I know how important it is to offer office, virtual, texting, and phone counseling. I offer choices.
Therapy for Children, Teens, Adults and Families
Sand Play Therapy
Depression, fear, and anxiety are some of the most common and uncomfortable emotions that children, teens and adults may experience at some point in their lives. Through sand play therapy, children, teens and adults may recover motivation, perspective, and joy that they once had in their lives.
Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Play Therapy
Many children and teens can experience symptoms associated with painful and traumatic circumstances. Anxiety, fear, and hopelessness are a few emotions that can linger after traumatic events. Children and teens can overcome these symptoms and helped with caring guidance through the process of grief and healing.
Family and Couples Counseling
Family counseling can be beneficial to all members in the
family looking to strengthen their emotional connections.
Therapy sessions are held with family members in a supportive environment
to discuss issues and solutions to better relate to one another.
Couples Counseling helps to understand the process of grief, forgiveness
and reconciliation (optional) after a betrayal.
The elements of reconciliation includes a sincere
examination of conscience, honesty, reparations and forgiveness.
To understand the choices that can build or destroy loving relationships,
read "Boundaries in Marriage" by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend.
The Mend Project - Helping Victims Of Abuse
The Mend Projecthttps://www.themendproject.com
The Mend Project helps couples, as well as counselors & therapists who help them.
Providing healing and support for
all those touched by undue conflict. Reach out to begin healing.
Grief is what a person experiences after a loss or trauma.
Initial Response to a Loss or Traumatic Event
LOSS is a response to being unable to access someone or
something that is important to you.
TRAUMA is a reaction to a life threatening or
overwhelming experience.
GRIEF is what a person experiences after a loss
or traumatic event.
Symptoms
Initially children, teens and adults may feel shock or shattered. It may seem unreal. After a tragic event or loss, children, teens and adults may have trouble functioning at home, work and/or school. We may feel and/or experience fear, anxiety, or depression. We may have an inability to form or keep relationships, withdrawing from others. We may experience terrifying memories, nightmares and/or flashbacks, and may avoid things or triggers that remind us of the traumatic event. We may also regress and act out uncharacteristically. We may experience physical problems including fatigue, being startled easily, poor concentrating, racing heartbeat,
edginess and agitation, aches and pains,
muscle tension, nausea, and headaches.
A loss or traumatic event may cause a feeling of hopelessness or meaninglessness of life.
We may ask, "Why did this happen to me?".
We all need consistency in our lives. We want to feel in control and make sense of our lives and the world around us. When something tragic happens we want to know “Why?”.
Healing may take weeks, months and even years. Each person is different and his or her healing time should be respected.
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For more information, please read more on trauma, loss and grief at The National Child Traumatic Stress Network
and The Trauma Foundation for a video in several languages to help understand trauma.
Therapy Helps with Rebuilding Lives and Restoring Healthy Hope
"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree."- Martin Luther
Counseling helps you feel HOPE and safe again so you can heal,
to express and cope with feelings,
to tell your personal stories and reconnect with others.
You may experience grief due to a trauma and/or the loss of a spouse, a betrayal, divorce, human or natural disaster, environmental contamination, war, rioting, bullying,
loss of your home, rape, abortion, discrimination, racism,
assault, kidnapping, human trafficking,
an adult child who avoided being kidnapped
by Communists to fight in the Nicaraguan Revolution
by coming to the USA as an unaccompanied child,
and other traumatic experiences.
It has been my experience and those of the men, women, and children who have or are healing from loss and/or trauma to report the following stages and symptoms of grief:
Stage 1 possible symptoms
- Shock, shattered, denial, fear, not feeling safe, confusion and other feelings
Stage 2 possible symptoms
- Sorrow
- Anger
- Hopelessness
- Rage
- Anxiety
- Guilt
- Shame
- Feeling disconnected
- Self-blame
- Mood swings
- Confusion
- Poor concentration
Stage 3 associated symptoms
•Struggling to make sense of the traumatic event. I would add here EDUCATION on the primary issues is necessary to heal from trauma, loss and abuse.
Stage 4 associated symptoms
- Memories of trauma event
- Sweating, pounding heart
- Avoiding people, places and things that remind you of traumatic event
- Panic attacks
- Losing interest in life and activities you once liked
- Don't feel normal
- Physical pain and/or disability
Somatic Symptoms
To help understand somatic symptoms please read, "THE BODY NEVER LIES", by Alice Miller,
a world-renowned psychoanalyst who was
one of the very first to examine the
long-ranged consequences of childhood abuse on the body.
She wrote how physical and psychological abuse or
traumatic loss manifests in adult illnesses.
5th Stage
Recovery
- Acceptance
- Better coping
- Finding courage
- Forgiveness if one chooses
- Acknowledgement of the loss, feeling empathy for others and self
- Feeling Hopeful
- Rebuilding
- Resilience, feeling courageous
- Having a different point of view about the loss
- Remembrance of the past
- Acceptance, a return to living again in the present with uncertainty and a sense of safety
- Connecting with others
- Looking to the future
- Living a democratic life
- Finding joy
- feeling normal again
- Loving and being loved in return
- Reconciliation if safe to do so
- Hope
- Healing
Stage 6
HOPE
The Wounded Yellow Butterfly is a perfect story book for children to help understand the process of grief.
This is a story that will take children on a healing journey
after a traumatic or difficult experience
such as a divorce, loss of a pet, the pandemic, tornado, flood, house fire, loss of a parent, and other experiences.
There are several points of view on the grieving process
and the number of stages of grief.
It is believed by most people that there are 6 stages of grief.
The first 5 grief stages were introduced to us
by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
The 6th stage, "Hope" is offered to us by Kenneth Doka.
David Kessler believes that one finds
"meaning and purpose" in the 6th stage.
In Viktor Frankl's book Man's Search for Meaning, Frankl describes his experience in a Nazi concentration camp and his discovery of "purpose and meaning" in life and hope for a future
despite the horrors of the Holocaust.
Grieving after Narcissistic Abuse
After Narcissistic Abuse, EDUCATION is is one of the stages in the healing process from psychological traumatic loss. Education is part of the healing process.
For healing information, watch Narcissistic Abuse
From Victim To Survivor in 6 Steps,
by Prof. Sam Valnin.
Life Issues
PARENTHOOD: "YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE!"
PARENTHOOD: "YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE!"
PARENTHOOD: "YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE!"
Counseling will help define your parental role, find comfort,
support & confidence with the choices you make.
Choosing Motherhood or Fatherhood over a career is empowering for the whole family.
Being a mother or father
is a 24/7 responsibility,
100% undivided attention to the task of parenting.
Some positive consequences of staying home i.e., living with less, alleviate work and financial stress, improved mental health, family bonding, and finding balance.
Raising a family below one's means or within one's means may be the best choice. You may want to go back to school while raising a family and help the family prepare for the future. Financial aid/free college or trade school is available for those
with a modest income.
❤For more on finances, read Dave Ramsey, "budget percentages explained (2021 edition),"
May 30, 2021 and
other valuable budgeting information.
❤Read Dr. Cloud's book on "Raising Great Kids"
and other books on
"children and boundaries".
To HOME SCHOOL, check out TheHomeSchoolMom resource page and other resources.
If you are fortunate enough to live in a politically free and wealthy country such as the USA,
then you have choices and infinite opportunities.
As you make family choices such as homeschooling, work, being a stay at home mother or father,
it is helpful to think that in life, "YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE!"
IDENTITY
PARENTHOOD: "YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE!"
PARENTHOOD: "YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE!"
Counseling can help you understand yourself
better and establish
a stronger integrated self.
If you are asking, "Who am I?",
let's talk about it.
Not having a strong sense of self and/or struggling with identity issues such as with your religion, sexual orientation, political affiliation, gender, race, ethnicity, career choice, spirituality,
or other life issue may lead to anxiety and insecurity.
An identity crisis may occur due to a big change, age of development,
or stressors in your life.
Therapists should avoid the assumption that every transgender or gender-diverse patient seeking
to receive treatment
is for gender dysphoria or
seeking referral letters for gender affirming medical
or surgical treatments.
We should also avoid assuming Black or African Americans,
Hispanics, American Indian, Asians, women and
others are seeking or are in need of therapy related to their racial, gender, ethnic, or other identities.
These individuals may be seeking help for clinical issues involving anxiety,
depression, grief and stress related
to personal loss and traumatic experiences that are not related to their identities.
The focus of therapy must only be on the issue each person brings to therapy!
Our first question must be, "Why are you seeking therapy?"
We all have a core identity to be discovered.
A core identity is the essence of who you are, the values that lay deep inside you and
include your ability to love and be loved.
To Learn more about Gender Identity, it is important to respect, read, listen, discuss and question.
My book mentioned below is a respectful way to support gender identity development.
I Want To Be Just Like My Daddy by Linda Diaz, is a charming story about a little girl
who shaves and cuts her hair short like her daddy. This beautiful book explores gender expression
and gender identity, the parent and child relationship,
protection and respect for a child's development,
giving a child time to discover who they are without
any medical treatment. Medical treatment is not recommended until adulthood
and when one can make informed medical decisions.
10 % of the proceeds will be used to buy a book for another child and family.
ENGLISH COPY TO PURCHASE
<iframe width="450" height="335" src="https://www.bookemon.com/book-embed/982125/want-to-be-just-like-my-daddy" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
SPANISH COPY TO PURCHASE
<iframe width="450" height="335" src="https://www.bookemon.com/book-embed/977053/quiero-ser-como-mi-pap%C3%A1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
For Legal Information when providing transgender treatment or
seeking treatment for yourself, see below resources.
https://www.camft.org/Resources/Legal-Articles/Chronological-Article-List/affirming-care
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We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves."
-The Adult Children of Alcoholics Promises Book.
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Self Awareness: Understanding Your Core Identity. Who Are you at the Core?
- Written By Wacuka Stephen
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For more information, watch The House Judiciary Subcommittee Hearing on Transmedical Surgeries for Kids and House Judiciary Subcommittee Hearing on Gender Affirming Care Policy, July 27, 2023 and July 19, 2023
To support homeless youth and homeless transgender youth support Covenant House.
To learn more about homeless LGBQ and T youth read 'Pose" Stars Make Poignant Plea on Behalf of Homeless LGBQ and T youth. Please consider donating atTRUE COLORS UNITED.
REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES
PARENTHOOD: "YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, BUT NOT ALL AT ONCE!"
REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES
Counseling helps you make reproductive choices including having children if you are in college,
living on your own, are poor or have a modest income.
Counseling EMPOWERS women and men to make a choice to have children and not to abort their unborn children.
Counseling provides a safe place to share the loss of a pregnancy or infant and to gain a
better understanding of the normal grieving and healing process.
Counseling provides both men and women a safe place for sharing your loss after an abortion and to
gain a better understanding of the normal grieving and healing process.
Up to 10 free post pregnancy loss/abortion trauma counseling sessions are being
offered to those without insurance or other means to pay.
Counseling is available for men and women who are having difficulty with a pregnancy, to explore reproductive choices, including type of birth control, length of use and other considerations. It is highly recommended testing for carcinogens before breast feeding, since it is believed that toxins can imbed in fatty tissues of the breasts and may be passed on through breast feeding.
Feministforlife.org
http://www.helpingsurvivors.org/
Please contact Linda for counseling, assistance and/or referral to a Pregnancy Center near you.
A Pregnancy Center will assist you in most or all of your needs during your pregnancy and
post birth of your baby (i.e., education, a car, basic needs including shelter), if you should choose to not abort your unborn child.
EMPOWERMENT
LIFE'S PURPOSE
REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES
Counseling is beneficial to everyone seeking to empower themselves and strengthen their commitment in facing injustices i.e., segregation, hate against White people, hate against Jews/Israelis, racism, sexism, discrimination, domestic violence, gang rape, sexual harassment, told to perform sex to keep your job or to advance in your career (Leave as fast as you can!), hate crimes, violence against you for your political affiliation, accusations of sexual assault w/out due process, forced abortion, etc. You may need to explore enabling behavior and find the courage to correct injustices,
not look the other way, not ignoring, not tolerating, enabling or excusing them.
Anyone can be a perpetrator of abuse, violence, sexual abuse, rape, trafficking, and other crimes and abuses. Women commit at least 50% of all the abuses and crimes, but are rarely held accountable due to the bias that women by nature are incapable of violence. We need to change our stereotypical view of the perpetrators of abuse and violence especially domestic violence and seriously consider that women are violent predators and choose to abuse children, other women and men. Report all crimes and abuses regardless of the perpetrator's identity and make a difference. Be the change our world needs today.
Remember that anyone can be victimized. If you were targeted by others in the street, in your family, at work, in church, in your community by those who want to hurt you and get you to react violently and/or to get you in trouble with the law, to suffer the loss of your reputation, suffer loss of income, loss of a job, to be arrested, and other traumatic interferences in your life, you were set up to react to make the real abuser look good and the "victim".
Learn more about "reactive abuse" and how to avoid it!
WALK AWAY or run away AND CALL THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY!
Reactive abuse is not self defense. Self defense is the use of force to protect yourself and/or family/ other person from BODILY HARM AND/OR DEATH from an attack of aggression, if the defender (YOU) has reason to believe she/he/they/is/are in danger. Learn more about your state's "self defense" laws before acting.
Victims of crimes are strongly advised to seek medical, psychological, legal and spiritual support as well as filing a police report. Filing a police report may save your life and someone else's life, save a child from being sex trafficked, may prevent another woman or man from being raped, may protect your community and your family, neighbors and friends from undue violence and more.
If you do not leave a dangerous and abusive situation, you may be thinking it is your fault and to blame, others won't believe you, you will lose everything you worked for, and your family or community will turn against you. You are never to blame and there are people who care and many more opportunities for you. The abuser wants you to think that you will suffer more if you tell. If this is the case, you may be suffering with chronic guilt and/or Stockholm Syndrome.
Counseling can provide you and your loved ones a safe place to explore what being safe is, who are the safe and unsafe people, and how to keep yourself and others you love safe.
SPIRITUALITY
LIFE'S PURPOSE
LIFE'S PURPOSE
Counseling helps you explore your spirituality and make informed decisions to join a healthy spirituality training and or group that encourages peace, calm, respect for diversity, which includes free thought and free speech, free choice, unity, love, respect for all people, acceptance, forgiveness and reconciliation when safe to do so, meditation, mindfulness, and relaxation.
Read about Jesus, Mother Teresa, Dr. Martin Luther King, Pope John XXIII, Mahatma Gandhi
and others to learn about love, forgiveness, courage, integrity, empowerment, humbleness and spirituality!
It is highly recommended you ask if there are any biases when joining a spirituality group, taking a course and trainings so you can make an informed decision. Learn more about NARCISSISTIC ABUSE and cult induction to avoid unsafe people and avoid being abused and/or discriminated against for your race, nationality, ethnicity, gender, political affiliation, spirituality, religion, and more.
Spirituality is about self acceptance and love for others, believing in God or a higher power, having your own personality, your own thoughts and feelings, about compassion, love, forgiveness and accountability. It is never about hate, devaluation and discarding, changing or erasing your identity or that of others. If you are dealing with narcissism seek counseling immediately.
Narcissism destroys your identity and your spirituality.
"SPIRITUAL ABUSE: SIGNS AND IS SEPARATING OKAY FOR HEALING?"
To learn more Listen to youtube video by Lisa A. Romano
Embracing the Validity of Our Thoughts and Feelings
Counseling can provide you and your loved ones a safe place to explore what being safe is, who are the safe and unsafe people, and how to keep yourself and others you love safe.
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To learn more Listen to
youtube video
What is a Cult and How Does it Work? (Margaret Singer) International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA) Youtube published 10/12/2014
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Grieving after Narcissistic Abuse
After Narcissistic Abuse, education is is one of the 6 stages in the healing process from psychological traumatic loss. Education is part of the healing process. For healing information, watch Narcissistic Abuse From Victim To Survivor in 6 Steps,
by Prof. Sam Valnin.
I highly recommend attending How to integrate Spirituality and Psychotherapy in Clinical Practice, sponsored by CE-Go and presented by Donald Meichenbaum, PhD., to promote love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible.
Learn about loving behavior and listen to "Reconciliation" by Thich Nhat Hanh, 2022 Audio Buddha; also listen to "Transforming Suffering"
by Thich Nhat Hanh
To promote love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible, read Forgiveness and Collective Guilt Assignment to Historical Perpetrator Groups Depend on Level of Social Category Inclusiveness by Michael Wohl & Nyla Branscombe
NOT RECOMMENDED PROGRAMS
NYU and Rutgers Continuing Education cultural and spirituality certificate program and/or courses and a number of trainings for social workers, Licensed Professional Counseling, Play Therapist and others by professionals are not recommended due to bias/divisive content devalues and discards(erases) Jews, Europeans, Biracial People, and others.
LIFE'S PURPOSE
LIFE'S PURPOSE
LIFE'S PURPOSE
Counseling can help you find clarity and purpose in life. What is your purpose in Life? Four of my mother's first cousins grew up in Puerto Rico in a wooden shack with no electricity or running water in the 1930's and 40's as did many other young people
around the world.
Gratefully, there was an explosion of jobs and many opportunities and most people experienced financial success and upward mobility in the 50', 60's and 70's. My great uncle Bado their father cut sugar cane and milked cows on their Finca until his death. My Great Tia Carmen was a Taino from Puerto Rico who was a hard working stay at home mother who believed in counseling. She once told me she went into counseling to understand her historical trauma and to find closure for the loss of her parents who died when very young as did my Great uncle's mother who died at the age of 27 and after giving birth to her 6th child.
I believe she and the women in my life may be the reason I am a trauma therapist and a grief counselor. Three of my Tia Carmen's children became social workers and one became an owner of a Beauty Salon.
Tia Carmen planted "the seed of purpose" in each of us as did many if not all of my family members who suffered historical and other traumas. When Great Tia Carmen married my Great Uncle Bado, my grandmother's brother, they were in love. My great uncle was Spanish and French. My Spanish and French great, great, great, great grandparents settled in Puerto Rico in the 1600's
along with people from more than 50 other countries.
They were poor but loving and hopeful. After hundreds of years, we are reaping the benefits of their hard work, their suffering and their love, their hopefulness, and their sacrifices.
Be grateful for what our ancestors did for us. Find your purpose to continue to help future generations reap the benefits in Puerto Rico and around the world.
FINANCIAL WELLNESS
FINANCIAL WELLNESS
FINANCIAL WELLNESS
FINANCIAL WELLNESS
In therapy, you can explore messages you received about money, poverty, wealth, rich people, etc, and change those beliefs that keep you
from achieving financial wellness.
Counseling can help you create Financial wellness.
Financial wellness means your basic needs are being met i.e., food, water, clothing, sleep, shelter/housing, psychological care and spiritual needs, medical care, and education/technical training, and employment opportunities. For those living below the poverty level, these social services must be free and made available, until a family can be self sufficient.
To achieve Financial Wellness you may consider doing the following:
If you are with children, and in need of assistance, contact your local Welfare Department for immediate assistance for food, rent, medical and funds for other needs Contact local churches and shelters for food assistance and shelter.
Financial wellness includes
Keep a weekly budget
Monitor Daily Spending
Start an Emergency Fund
Live within your means or
below your means
Start a savings account
Live debt free
Invest in Property
Believe you can experience financial wellness and act on it
Don't hate money
Don't hate rich people who inherited wealth or are self-made
Change your attitude about money
Understand and respect wealth
Explore the source of your beliefs about money, wealth, poverty,
Start a retirement plan
Respect Capitalism
Make donations/give back to those who are truly in need
Plan mini vacations
and wellness experiences
Learning to be financially secure is necessary to achieve financial wellness.
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https://www.ramseysolutions.com
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Wanna Build Wealth? Avoid these money mistakes (feat. Naftali Horowitz) Kosher Money episode 2
The Six Themes of Trauma Focused Play Therapy
Understanding Therapy
Therapy helps you find hope, heal from the pain and loss and find balance in your life!
#1 Safety
Therapy can help you feel safe again.
#2 Coping and #3 Education
Therapy can help you cope with your loss and educate you on what happened to you and others you love so you don't condemn yourself and to make it unlikely to happen again and again.
#4 Expressing Your Emotions
Therapy can help you express your feelings.
#5 Connecting With Others
Therapy can help you feel closer to others.
#6 Telling Your Story
Therapy provides a safe place to tell your story.
Testimonials
School Failure & Bullying
School Failure & Bullying
School Failure & Bullying
Father and son said, "Attending therapy helped us feel as if we had built a kaleidoscope as the animals and insects in the story had done after the storm. We have picked up the pieces of broken glass, built our kaleidoscope and saw a new way to care for ourselves by attending another school which encouraged success (not failure), nonviolence (not violence and hatred) and respected my parental rights(not parental and family alienation) and helped us move on with our lives."
-Grady and Jamal
Sexual and Domestic Abuse
School Failure & Bullying
School Failure & Bullying
I realized in therapy, "I may be wounded like the wounded yellow butterfly, but I too can still fly even after the domestic and sexual abuse. I found that once I redefined the language that kept me stuck in the Self Blame/Guilt and Shame Cycle after abuse, I was able to heal and protect myself. I stopped believing I was 'guilty' for a crime I did not commit. I learned to redefine the term 'guilt' as a legal term reserved for the perpetrator of abuse or a crime and not about me at all. I began to understand trauma bonding/Stockholm Syndrome and Narcissistic abuse and how this affected me, made me defend and return to my abuser. I also learned to use a Venn Diagram to show when a problem is mine, when a problem belongs to someone else, and when a problem belongs to me and another person. After learning whose problem it is, I was able to defend and protect myself and my children by calling the police. I had been afraid my abuser would act out toward the police too and go to jail and it would be my fault, if my abuser got hurt or went to jail. In reality everyone is responsible for themselves and the consequences that follow." - Anya
Divorce
School Failure & Bullying
Loss of a Pet
"Therapy helped me find peace and love living in two homes just like the butterfly, the animals and insects rebuilt and found peace in their garden." -Rachel
Loss of a Pet
Loss of a Pet
Loss of a Pet
"Losing my pet was like going through the terrible storm like in the story, The Wounded Yellow Butterfly. But I feel better today. Therapy helped me through the sad days and to remember the happy days just like the garden insects and animals remembered things in the past and look to the future." - Christina
Adoption
Loss of a Pet
Immigration
"In therapy, I learned I am lovable and have value
even if both of my parents
neglected and abused me.
I learned how to forgive.
I am with a new family now and it is a new day just like the new day in the peaceful garden where the the wounded yellow butterfly, the rainbow butterflies and bird family live. I got a second chance just like the wounded yellow butterfly." - Tommy
Immigration
Loss of a Pet
Immigration
"In therapy I learned to feel safe. My name is Manuel. I would like to share my story with you. I am from Honduras. I was kidnapped from my father at the Mexico/USA border in 2017. We had to leave my country because my family received violent threats from gang members who wouldn't allow my parents to travel to their jobs because they worked in other gang controlled towns. Once they came to my house and beat me and my brother. I suffered a brain injury. Sometimes I would see dead bodies on the ground as we walked to the store. The police were afraid, too. The police often did not help enough to keep us safe. Gang members kill judges, police officers and their families. Bad politician put the opposition party members in prison , ruin their reputations, and attack their family members to intimidate them to withdraw from the political race. Many of these politicians who are jailed
are good people who wish to make our country better and democratic.
After I was taken from my father at the USA border and put in a van, I was taken to a stranger's house. I was unable to sleep and eat. I had nightmares of being pulled from my father's arms. I was away from my father for 2 months and had little to eat and a thin blanket to keep warm at night where I lived in a strange house with people who often yelled at me to 'stop crying'. After being with my foster parents, I began to believe they were my real father and mother. These strangers told me, "Your father is dead." I didn't know my father was in jail for 2 months for crossing the border with me. I was reunited with him after being separated for 2 months and we both spent a month in jail together. I did not recognize him & couldn't believe he was my real father. Once we were released from jail, I was shown pictures of my family and given old toys and my old clothing, I learned about Stockholm Syndrome in counseling and how this made me believe things that weren't true. I slowly began to remember my father, my mother, my toys and clothing. I finally remembered my family and life before my kidnapping at the American border.
I was afraid of the police and would scream and cry and hide behind cars or run away from my father. I had trouble concentrating in school and was often sent home when I had crying spells and couldn't concentrate. Older boys followed me in the school yard and isolated and bullied me like boys did in the center where I stayed before going to my foster parent's home to live. I felt very afraid and sad most of the time. I didn't know how to defend myself anymore.
Today, my family and me are happier and safer, but we will never forget what happened to us. We have forgiven everyone who hurt us. We put the past behind us and look to the future, hoping for a safer and better life as Americans."-Manuel
The Wounded Yellow Butterfly Book
$12.00
La Mariposa Amarillo Herido
$12.00
Dependency
Dependency is defined as when a person feels helpless, submissive or believes they are incapable of
taking care of themselves. They may have trouble making decisions for themselves.
The dependent person gives up on life and him or her self and the codependent takes over.
The dependent person becomes homeless,
becomes physically and/or mentally ill, and dies from an overdose.
Codependents are known to have purchased life insurance
to collect after the overdose of their adult child.
But with counseling and addiction treatment, you can learn to be self reliant and care for yourself and find freedom from addiction, trauma, dependency, bondage and slavery.
This is an abusive relationship in which a person who is a codependent parent,
politician, doctor, therapist and or other controls and takes advantage of a person who is in addiction
and needs help to rise up for him or her self.
Read Addicted to Trauma Bonding?
by Prof. Sam Vaknin
What Is Addiction?
What is addiction, really? It is a sign, a signal, a symptom of distress. It is a language that tells us a plight that must be understood.” ― ❤Alice Miller, Read Breaking Down the Wall of Silence:
The Liberating Experience of Facing a Painful Truth.
The use of drugs without a prescription is illegal. Using street drugs is a sign of a problem! Teach your children and teens that there is no such thing as "experimentation". Abusing prescription drugs is harmful. Using illegal drugs and the abuse of medication may cause medical problems, coma and/or death. If you suspect someone is giving or selling drugs to children or teens, report immediately to
the police and/or your local children's protective services.
Marijuana may cause psychosis, suicidal ideation, paranoia, brain damage, lower IQ,
and other serious psychological
and medical problems. Don't believe the hype!
Alcohol Use and Abuse
There is no such thing as "experimentation".
Alcohol is a sign there is a problem!
Teach your children and teens that
there is no such thing as "experimentation".
Drinking may cause medical problems, coma and/or death.
If you suspect someone is giving or selling alcohol to children or teens, report immediately to the police and/or your local children's protective services. Take someone to the hospital or call 911 to go to the hospital, if they are in and out of consciousness or passed out.
If you don't, they most likely will end up in a permanent coma or dead.
Sex Use and Abuse
Acting out sexual behavior may be a sign of a sexual abuse trauma. Early sexual behavior is not "experimentation" but a sign there may be a serious problem.
If you suspect sexual abuse of children or teens, or you may be an adult of childhood sexual abuse, gender identity abuse and/or rape, child sex trafficking, report immediately to the police and/or your
local child protective services to protect others.
Before consenting to an adult sexual relationship learn more about sexual grooming, narcissism and gaslighting.
Learn more about narcissism, gaslighting and grooming to empower yourself, men and women, children and teens against sexual abuse, unwanted sexual contact, sexual harassment, rape and other sexual abuses.
❤
❤
What is sexual grooming? Identifying the 6 stages
by Lewis and Llewellyn
sexualabuselawfirm.com
❤
Understanding Sexual Grooming in Child Abuse Cases by Daniel Pollack and Andrea Maclver.
❤
Understanding Grooming in Adult Relationships by Kayla Tricaso
❤
The Psychology of Adult Sexual Grooming:
Sinnamon's Seven-Stage Model of Adult Sexual Grooming by Grant Sinnamon
Peace and Justice Program
The Peace and Justice Program is offered to teens and children in a group setting with parents permission in writing. The playful and creative 1-25, 1.5 hour classes are held at my office and school for a small fee. Each theme has 1-5 classes.
I have a BA in Philosophy with an emphasis on Peace & Justice studies from
St. Peter's Jesuit College in Jersey City, New Jersey.
I was trained in school mediation, family and community conflict resolution, and nonviolent activism and completed about a thousand sessions of conflict resolution in schools in Bergen and Hudson Counties.
I also studied w/the Quakers at the Fellowship of Reconciliation and other religious
and non religious groups.
I am now dedicating time to the study of "forgiveness" and how it may be applied as an
intervention where healing is needed after a betrayal, psychological abuse and alienation.
Reconciliation is not recommended AT ALL when there has been sexual, physical, psychological, spiritual, financial abuse, violence of any kind, hatred and parental, work, grandparent, and other types of alienation. If you are in an ongoing abusive situation, learn more about it at The Mend Project and other internet sites and call the Domestic Hotline and call me at 201-320-9907 or email below.
The Peace and Justice Program promotes love and respect for the poor, modest income, working class, middle class and rich persons, Asian, African Americans or Black, White, Indigenous or American Indian, Biracial persons, persons of different ethnicity and nationalities including Hispanics, Latina, Latinos y Lantix, religious and nonreligious persons, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, educated and uneducated, the unborn persons, disabled persons and persons who may find themselves the target of discrimination, racism, bigotry, bias, hate and violence. Remove yourself from dangerous and violent situations immediately and you report all crimes
and abuses to the police and file complaints at the organizations and/or
workplaces where an incident has taken place.
We are members of several groups and always an individual with full personhood and potentiality.
To learn about the protection of animals and children and the teachings of "Peace" to children, read the history of The American Humane Society, an organization that began to protect all children regardless of race, age, gender etc from
abuse and neglect when no one else did.
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LOVE makes the world go round!
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https://www.americanhumane.org/about-us/history
THE FIVE PEACE AND JUSTICE THEMES
1. AFFIRMATION
Learn to affirm yourself and demonstrate gratefulness and love for yourself and others. I often ask children and adults to share what they are grateful for. These are some of their responses:
My wealth, my home, food, GOD, shelter, a free education, water, social services, dentist, doctors, friends, books, pencils, paper, a car, a phone, a computer, parents, teachers, libraries, kindness, peace, just laws, a protective government, work, money, My Faith, my family, good health, my pets, flowers, pretty things to look at, art, music, a place to sleep, a floor, a roof, grandparents, living in the USA, my church, clean air, healthcare, Israel, colors, flowers, trees, America, my identity, family values, and so much more.
WHAT ARE YOU GRATEFUL FOR?
2. COMMUNICATION
Learn how to express yourself through assertive nonviolent communication.
3. CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Gain a better understanding of the underlying reasons of conflict.
Learn negotiation skills and how to defend yourself.
Learn to recognize safe places, people and things.
4. COOPERATION
Learn how to cooperate with safe people. You can not cooperate with evil.
5. CULTURAL APPRECIATION
We do this by bringing our children and young people together to share our food, our art, our books, our holidays, our customs, our traditional clothing, our dances, our songs, our stories, our way of life, our traditions, values and beliefs, our religions, and our lives. We validate and acknowledge one another and promote personhood for each and every one of us, including ALL unborn human babies from around the world with immeasurable potential!
Real cultural appreciation reduces suffering and is compassionate, promotes joy, respect, hope, equality, success, dignity, civility, love, forgiveness and reconciliation when safe to do so for ALL people.
PRAY FOR PEACE AROUND THE WORLD
Stand With Israel
COMMUNITY
❤What Is a "Beloved Community"?
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. defined a beloved community as, "... a group of people that come together to make dreams come true, to prosper, to love one another, to solve problems, to hold each other accountable, to expect success, to use one's imagination ...."
African American or Black American men, women, and children, descendants of the enslaved have struggled to belong in a country that has inflicted one of the most horrific crimes against humanity. Against all odds most African American men, women and children have advanced, making great strides due to their own initiatives. Some African American men, women, and children still remain behind due to many reasons including psychological generational trauma and scapegoating.
The healing process for descendants must include a formal apology from the US government ( S. Con. Res.26-A concurrent resolution apologizing for the enslavement and racial segregation of African Americans), property reparations for those who have no property of their own, free psychological services for healing, and debt cancellation for the poor and working families.
I am offering up to 10 free counseling sessions to those suffering from trauma and/or loss related to their family slave history, racism and discrimination and political violence, if there is no insurance or other means to pay for services. Unresolved trauma and loss cause anxiety, depression and other mental health concerns that can prevent us from feeling hopeful.
Without hope, we remain angry and unfulfilled, never reaching our full potential.
Some of you may not understand "psychological generational trauma." Generational trauma is not genetic, but a consequence of horrible indignities passed psychologically through the generations stemming from slavery and other indignities stemming from communism and Fascism. We may inflict similar abuses and act out our historical traumas
on others in the form of child abuse, domestic violence and hate crimes.
I remember Frank, a tall African American man who was in therapy with me for about 4 years.
He walked in the therapy room, hunched back as if he were
carrying the world on his shoulder. He had come to counseling because he was depressed. He was a young man but looked much older. He shuffled into the office, taking a very long time to settle in his safe chair. He told me his trauma story bit by bit. One day, after building trust, he said, "My mother often beat me with very thin branches she broke off a bush in our yard. My mother called the branch a 'switch'." He finished his story that day by telling me, "I have scars all over my body from the beatings, which started when I was a child. I have been unable to do much like other people. My scars keep me in prison and are reminders of the horrors of the past. I have no peace of mind."
Overtime, Frank was able to feel less shame, to feel hopeful and start a family of his own, to forgive his mother (but could not reconcile due to the undue violence) and those responsible for slavery and other indignities his family suffered.
Frank's scars no longer keep him from enjoying the life he prayed for growing up.
I remember a man from Spain who called himself Jose who came for counseling. After sometime in counseling, he told me that when he was a child he witnessed brutality, murder and civil war between his neighbors, friends and family members. "You could not trust anyone", he said. Each person in Spain during the civil war chose to be either a communist, an anarchist or fascist. You told on friends, neighbors and family members to avoid losing your job, prison, torture and death. The Communists and Anarchist burned down churches, tortured and murdered Christians including Nuns and Priests. The Fascist abused, tortured and murdered communist and Spaniards who did not conform to Franco's Fascism. Fascists hated Jews and made them convert to Christianity or expelled them from Spain with no where to go.
Today, Jews are able to go to Israel where Jews are welcomed and safe.
Many mass graves have been recovered in Spain, since then. Fear and hate had taken over the country, rather than courage, love and trust. Jose had been so traumatized that he did not allow his children to share their thoughts openly with anyone and demanded complete silence from his children to protect them from harm, although they lived in a free society where free speech and expressing your thoughts were encouraged and protected in the USA. He could not recover fully from the political terror and loss. Civil war had destroyed his country, his family, his faith and hope in humanity.
Jose once said, Imagine what love, not fear, could have done for Spain and all of us.
It is a warning to us all to take heed in the most important message of all from Jesus
which is to 'love your neighbor as yourself'. -Matthew 22:39.
Listen to Arnold Schwarzenegger, "Loser Like My Nazi Father", Anti-Hate Message Amidst Amid Israel Hamas War
To be truthful and not afraid to stand up to evil when confronted by evil is love for yourself, your family,
your neighbor, and your world. To give in to evil is cowardly!
Counseling helps to understand the process of grief, forgiveness, and possible reconciliation (if safe to do so) after a betrayal. The elements of grief, forgiveness, and reconciliation include a sincere examination of conscience, honesty, and reparations by the USA and governments around the world and their representatives and those who caused others harm. It is also the victim's decision to forgive and reconcile.
I believe reparations are morally necessary for healing. I want to promote moral responsibility. I want to be the "change" I wish to see all governments make reparations for slavery, war, civil war, political terror, genocide, ethnic cleansing (Bosnia) and exterminations.
You may have many reasons why you don't think reparations for American slavery helps to resolve trauma or loss. You may think it is not fair to hold those who didn't take part in enslaving men, women, and children responsible. You are absolutely right! We should not be blamed for the crimes committed by others.
But let me say, we need an ethical, legal, and moral approach to reparations. It must be compassionate. We must care enough to help each person feel a sense of belonging. People today are not to blame for enslavement, but we are morally responsible to our neighbors and our friends. We are responsible for one another. We need to continue building healthy relationships, families, communities and a society in which personhood applies to everyone and is validated.
We need to all heal from the crime of slavery and other indignities we have experienced in our own families and our lives.
Similarly, I believe that individuals who were abused as a child and/or adult have a right to sue for damages (the effects of the abuse) against the state, family member, teacher, priest, and others, if real/physical and/or documents of evidence is provided to support the claim of
torture, abuse and/or neglect and other indignities.
I also want to encourage everyone to use loving words and language and refrain from using hateful words or racial slurs toward African American or Black American men, women, and children.
Demoralizing or using hateful words toward each other only breeds anger, shyness, withdrawal from others, poor school performance, sense of inferiority or superiority, self hate, hatred toward others and defensiveness which creates more division and separation from one another and worse, broken hearts. Hate and fear are the antithesis of inclusion and love. Let's expand our circle of friends and loved onesI
❤TO LEARN MORE ABOUT NARCISSISM & HATE listen to 26 words you need to know about narcissism
youtube by NARCDAILY-YOU ARE NOT ALONE
When challenged, I often rely on songs I have learned as a child. I have sung when challenged,
Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never harm me! and have
relied on the teachings of Jesus, Gandhi, Dr. King and others who taught us
about love, justice, forgiveness and reconciliation.
"Sticks and Stones" is reported to have appeared in
The Christian Recorder March 1862, a publication of the African Methodist Episcopal Church.
The failure to provide PROPERTY reparations over the last 150 years speaks volumes of our hypocrisy and lack of commitment to racial equality and justice. Property reparations began during Lincoln's Presidency and ended after his death.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. called for property reparations,
school vouchers for a better and equal education and 100%
employment opportunities for African Americans to advance toward equality
with other Americans, knowing the healing it would bring to African Americans and all Americans.
Dr. King also called for the end of poverty for all! Over the years, we have seen at least a 50% decline in poverty around the world,
along with other positive changes. Let's do more together and make the dream come true.
Speak words of love and hope. Acknowledge our tremendous progress over the years toward equality
and healing for all to our children. Instill hope!
Read Ten Global Trends by Ronald Baily and Marian L. Tupy and listen to the
Ten Global Trends podcast with Dr. Jordan Peterson.
Judge people based on their character and behavior and hold them accountable.
Don't judge people based on race, ethnicity, gender, weight, class, education, career choice, marital status, number of children a woman has, religious belief, economic status, political affiliation, etc.
If your child is being psychologically abused, physically removed from their classmates and classroom, taught to self hate and/or hate others, remove your child immediately from the violent environment, file a complaint against the offender and/or school or other institution or person for discrimination, file a lawsuit and/or civil rights and/or criminal charges.
As clinicians, parents, teachers and other responsible adults, it is our job to protect our children, teens and young people from delusional reasoning or irrational generalizations that may instill fear and a feeling of alienation, leading to serious mental health issues,
a sense of failure, addictions, abuse of others, homicide and/or suicide.
❤ Watch Video "Healing Ancestral Trauma: What is Epigenetic and Why Does it",
Pendle Hill USA, December 2020 with Erva Baden
❤ See Video "How do I Heal From Family Trauma?" Heal Damage of By Tamara Hill, MS NCCC CCPT
❤ For more information read and study the 10 Irrational Cognitive Distortions and seek counseling with a therapist who respects you, promotes non violence and demonstrates love, has the training and certifications to treat mental health issues and generational trauma; and very importantly, has a neutral, non political counseling perspective and is not using conversion therapy (the act of trying to change your mind/brainwashing and using alienation techniques to turn you against yourself, from your family,
from you political beliefs, from you gender choice and identity).
❤ To learn more read Joe Navarro's essay in Psychology Today, When the Narcissist Fails.
Atonement and Forgiveness:
A New Model For Black Reparations by Roy Brooks
❤ To promote love, forgiveness and reconciliation when possible, read, Collective Guilt Assignment to Historical Perpetrator Groups Depend on Level of Social Category Inclusiveness by Michael Wohl & Nyla Branscombe
❤ To learn more about loving behavior listen to
Reconciliation by Thich Nhat Hanh, 2022 Audio Buddha